sunday would be fine for me – email jan[dot]and[dot]mikael[at]gmail[dot]com if you fancy working out some details 🙂

Hello, I'm a girl -I'll probably be going to Glentress either this Sat or Sun. Might be just me, but might have a friend along, if you would like to join up? I'll be doing the red route and then maybe a bit of the blue and some jumps in the freeride park.

Afraid I'm not in the Callander area – I'd be making my own way from Dundee (didn't realise it's like a 160mile round trip!!)

very minor note – clicking on the two links on the left – 'making farrah faster' opens up a new window, whilst 'niki's xc skills day' takes you to the page in the same window. got myself a wee bit confuzzled!

You can ask if there is anything practical you can do, but often it is just a case of making sure you're there for whatever support they may need. I'm sure you probably won't, but try not to be judgemental. One of the worst feelings is seeing someone's face if they know you've been purging and it's a mixture of pity/anger/disappointment. (you might not feel confident to confide in them again either).
Very much all the best

I'm not sure if there is an 'ideal' – but I don't think I could compromise on: well, you have to fancy them, obviously, things like honesty/decency, similar intelligence, similar values, OK with money

My 'ideal' man had all those things the OP mentioned (okay, he was at uni, but he's likely to get a decent job from it, and I didn't note 'sporty' as a necessity). I probably made concessions on a few things – like him being 'too' into biking, forgetting things, etc. but it was all very small and crucially, none of it felt like like I was giving up anything – I didn't secretly resent him; I accepted it was part of who he is.

My mum's friend has had a number of boyfriends in the past, but she says she was too picky and feels 'it's too late now'. I think that's very sad.

Don't dismiss someone because they aren't sporty btw – I certainly wasn't. But I realised that if I was going to stay with my then OH, I would probably have to take up biking, (it was more because I didn't understand what he was talking about most of the time!) and I happily did.
As far as job goes – it's far more important to me that that person has some sort of (though not too much) ambition/drive – as long as he isn't a lazy sod then I don't really mind what kind of job he has, as long as he can support himself.

One other crucial thing you need to look for in a partner though, is make damn well sure they fancy you!

I didn't overdose. Sounds rubbish but it's definitely the best thing I've done for myself of late – I've managed to avoid triggering off a load of bad events because of it

Depends whether she thought this morning was a 'couple's jog' or a 'training session'. If it was the former I'd say that's a wee bit rude of her not to wait for you. If she was of the understanding that it was a normal at-you-own-pace run then I don't see why she shouldn't go off and do her own thing?
Sounds like you might be a bit competitive yourself though, so you might just be picking up on it more than others would.

My mum has always made a weekly meal plan for as long as I can remember. So for me it seems pretty normal. However, because I'm a student and cook for just myself, I only need three 'meals' and just use the rest as leftovers. I'm a bit of an erratic eater though, and find it hard to judge the quantity of food I'll need. No food seems to go to waste though. (scraping perfectly good food into the bin should be a crime)

I have tried online shopping before, but I hated the hassle with the site always freezing, the number of plastic bags they used when the food arrived, and some of the produce wasn't always amazing..
So yeah, I do pick up food I wouldn't have normally, but I'm happy to spend that little extra treating myself on some reduced blueberries or maybe a nice dessert. And if I pick up half price meat/poultry I can just use it in next week's meal plan.

me in the very late 80's

sorry, I might be being a bit dumb (it is the morning..), but are you sure you don't need an HMO? I know people who live in four-bed properties and they have one… I might be mistaken though?

'an entire house or flat which is let to three or more tenants who form two or more households and who share a kitchen, bathroom or toilet' – would that not be your house?

would probably suggest joint tenancy. seems a lot of hassle for my landlord to find individuals to move in when each person leaves (our leases all run out at different times).

I don't see why you shouldn't show them, as they're still helping her learn the language. she may just not find them very funny – I certainly didn't (I might be too young or too 'Americanized', who knows..)

a lot depends on fitness. I remember being absolutely knackered on my first few rides. I was taken on parts of the blue. I wasn't used to standing up on a bike and found it plenty challenging enough.

If she's got general biking experience I would suggest spooky wood. The climb up might be a bit difficult, but it's not that long (if you just go up the fire road and miss out pennel's vennel) and spooky wood isn't really very technical (no tricky roots to negotiate!). I took a friend there on her second ride. she however had more riding ability than when I first started. but again, she was tired out after that and we just messed about in the freeride park afterwards

your idea to start from the buzzard's nest is a good one I'd say: I found any slight hill difficult to get up when I started mtb'ing!

depends if he lied about it or not. if it's something like a drunken kiss, and he's fesses up immediately, I would forgive him. if he's been having an affair for months, I think it would be much harder, so I'm not sure.

I'm very much of the belief that if someone cheats on me, then there's something wrong with our relationship. I am not 'to blame', but it obviously needs working on. if it's worth working on, I don't see the point in chucking it away. everybody makes mistakes. if they cheat again though… more the fool me for not spotting what a dick he was

59 times, thankyou for introducing me to deerhunter 🙂
I like spotify – the adverts are maybe every 4 or 5 songs for me, I think it's very well worth it

the most recent Mogwai and Isis albums. I can persevere with the former but can't stand to listen to Wavering Radiant any more. Thank God for Spotify!

anything by Queen

friend of a friend was looking after someone's hamster for a few weeks whilst the owners were on holiday. Unfortunately, whilst out of his cage, the hamster escaped! This was in a Hong Kong flat, 16 floors up, so one would assume the hamster had nowhere to go…

Not so – he disappeared off the balcony..
..so they bought another hamster and offered their apologies.

However, the original hamster actually turned up a while later – on a balcony three floors below. They think he must have climbed down through some pipes.
So they didn't actually kill anything, but got their own hamster for their troubles

aw, I'm sorry. The love of my life recently ended it with me too. Can't say I coped very well at all for the first few weeks… still very much and up and down process..

has triggered off panic attacks, worries I'll get kicked out of Uni, and my grandma died – (if I get points for pain)

to be honest, I haven't had the energy or enthusiasm for biking. I'm getting through it with the help of a really good friend who understands me better than most people. I'm also trying my best to focus on Uni work – I've been doing some practical work (printmaking) for the past week which has helped a lot.

do you have a mate who could lend you a dog? I know it sounds a bit silly but I'd love to be able to take a dog for a long walk at the moment – fluffy animals always cheer me up and it's nice to be able to give it a big hug (I personally think that the sudden absence of touch is one of the hardest things to deal with)

caramel digestives, penguins, boasters. look like they should be tasty..but they're not all that great

biscuits that are just plain rubbish:
jaffa cakes
wagon wheels
normal digestives

Right, this'll probably be my last comment on this thread – at the moment I'm doing okay and am in a good state of mind.

Looking back over the CBT worksheets I was given, I still don't think they're going to work for me. I will probably buy the book suggested though. Maybe I've just been put off by the experience that I had but I'm wary of having to go through the process of finding another person that I can work well with.

I do realise therapy is not therapy if you're just being told you're good and using that to evaluate yourself. I felt it helped incredibly though that there was, at last, someone who believed in me. after all the sh*t the NHS put me through I thought that there was no one who could help or they certainly didn't want to. before I met my counsellor, I felt like I was wasting everyone's time, and none of the staff (apart from a lovely nurse at hospital) ever tried to change that perception

It was very much a struggle – but I think the only reason I got anything out of counselling was because I started (at times) to believe that I could get better. I had to learn myself that I was not a failure who didn't deserve any second chance at life. And reading back I think this is very much just a setback and I'm dealing with it far better than I used to in the past 🙂

Once again, pretty amazed by how many people are here to offer good advice. everyone has been wonderful, and it heartens me that there are people who are happy to take time out of their lives to say a kind word. thank you very very much

In all seriousness I don't think I'll understand the 'freedom' thing. My ex introduced to me to loads of new things I don't think I'd ever have tried by myself – I think part of the problem is that I don't really know what I want to to do, at all. Nothing particularly excites me at the moment (which I'm sure is normal after a break-up) but I just get irrational and think that there must be something wrong with me because I used to have all these ideas of things I wanted to do.

Retail therapy involves my mum – I feel I owe her this weekend (she's going away on holiday for a few weeks) after all the stress I've been giving her lately.

I once had CBT on the NHS. I was told that the NHS would not be offering me their services again as I was 'uncooperative' the last time. I don't know whether it was just my therapist, but I don't think she really cared if I got anything out of it or not.

My counsellor on the other hand helped me work through issues I had with expectations of myself and the pressure I felt to always be good and successful. And importantly, she made me feel like she cared about me as a person – she found me interesting and she helped me realise that I wasn't a bad person. I'd rather wait and perhaps this time I can work through my expectations for the future. At the moment I'm taking people's advice and trying not to think too much about it: I do after all have three years of Uni left.

This might surprise people, but I am not going to be using booze. I had some wine for cooking the other day and I drank some at lunch time and it was such a big mistake. I'm a lightweight enough and I'd drank half a glass on a an empty stomach and I was woozey for about 2-3 hrs afterwards!
I don't think it would help my sense of self to go out drinking now. Perhaps in a few months when I feel like I 'love myself' a bit more

I don't think I understand the mentality of 'freedom' as a single person. what am I free to do now that I couldn't do before??

you're now free to think about yourself, take a step back and look at what you want.

I'm 21! No one at my age knows what they want!

But I take the idea in spirit – gonna get back on my exercise bike for now, maybe biking next weekend. This weekend is for retail therapy and having dinner with my lovely flatmates 🙂

heh, as long as you know of where to go. I may live here but I don't know what the riding is like!

*sigh* It's really weird: at the moment I'm being very positive, talking to flatmates/girlfriends and thinking 'yeah, I'll meet someone else who might actually buy me a birthday present instead of taking me to his favourite burger house'

but this afternoon I was absolutely terrible – didn't go into Uni for what is normally my favourite class, feeling life really not worth living (not because I've been left by a bloke; more because I can't see my future any more and this is something I've always struggled with) and I was so close to doing something silly 🙁

I think oh god, which part of me will be in control tomorrow?

kinda wish I had a motorbike- must be a great way of just letting go

yes, I wish I was a guy in that respect: it must be nice to get so much pleasure out of an object like car or bike..
can't really think what female equivalent would be. I suppose incredibly expensive shoes or mountains of chocolate?

Clearly he found your nature hard to accept and decided he could not continue.

that hits a bit of a nerve. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that. I think if his reason for leaving had been my behaviour, my personality, my values in life etc. I would have accepted that better. He left me because of my physical appearance so says he and I believe he's being honest here, because he found it incredibly difficult to admit to. He says he's the one with the 'problem' and I've already realised that there's nothing I can do to change.

And heh, I will not be going out having random sex, drink and drugs. My behaviour can be awful enough without all those added into the mix 🙂

I hope I don't offend anyone but I was a bit reluctant to put up an email address in case I got any 'offers of marriage'. I know the vast majority of people are supportive and just want to help, but it is the internet after all

I won't be taking medication. I've tried a couple of anti-depressants before and they didn't do anything for me.

EL – I never thought of it like that. he's been very honest to me and I know it was a very difficult decision for him. I suppose it's true that he obviously doesn't love me enough though and how he feels about himself is more important to him at the moment.

stonemonkey – thanks for the offer, but I don't think I'm ready to go near other men just yet..

to be honest (being as modest as possible) I'm often told I'm very pretty, have a wonderful figure and all that. (not sure about the legs but they must at least be toned if I go biking!) Just makes it all the more hard when you're told by the one person whose opinion you truly value that you're not able to turn them on 🙁

but don't worry, I'll try keep all your advice in my head, and refer back to this thread for good reminders. thankyou all once again 🙂

ack, I can't keep up with all the replies!

thankyou thankyou so much. you've helped me feel much better about myself. I think I needed to be reminded by strangers that of course I am indeed gorgeous and wonderful. I think I'll probably print this thread out in the morning so I can carry around my own 'break-up manual'

I will keep on trying to get a hold of my counsellor but perhaps use my friends as a stop-gap for the time being 🙂

I have no idea what attracted him: I'm demanding, motherly and emotional. But I'm half chinese and I also happen to be awesome 🙂

As for Uni, I'm doing an art degree :gulp: but I enjoy it and find it very rewarding (when all goes well). as for job prospects, :double gulp: I can only hope I find something related to my degree. Part of my plan will definitely have to be finding a rich husband 😀

mmmm. I must say I'm being a terrible ex-girlfriend. he has been very good and tried to minimise contact but is always very civil when I call him up and yell very angry things in his ear.

think I might take the advice and delete his number. I know it off by heart but if I have to type it in maybe it'll make me think twice..

I am 21. very young I know. first love and all that. luckily we do completely different courses so there's not much chance of us running into each other.

It's a big shift going from doing things as "we" to doing things as "me"

yes, I've found that especially hard. grocery shopping is a rather sad and much duller experience

can we be friends at a later stage?

he says he'd like to be friends after we've had time to heal. will the 'what if?' feeling go away if we don't manage to find other partners? I'm not worried if either of us finds someone else, but if we both remain single, will the temptaion still be there or does it go away completely?

edit- the great thing is, I'm repeating my year. so I have three years left: plenty of time to have fun!

to be fair to him he's tried making it clear that I should move on, I deserve better and all that.. but I don't want him to end up alone either 🙁

I'm happy to ring when I'm not feeling too great.. but I can't bring myself to ring her when I'm in a state. I have deliberately overdosed in the past and she now gets panicky if people phone her late at night etc. I resort to ringing the ex because that's what I used to do and when I'm in a state I'm obviously not at all rational.

loulabella, your post is very inspiring and does genuinely give me hope

I honestly have trouble with the idea of deciding to be ok. I don't want to let go of him yet and I'm worried that if I'm ok I'll forget about him. I don't want him to think he's made a mistake and then found I've already moved on, even though I know very well that it would take years and years for him to ever reconsider/regret his decision! That sounds really really stupid…

And thankyou very much for all your replies. It's incredibly comforting to be given advice from people who are more experienced in life. I'll try take some of it onboard

okay, I'll tell my tutor tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers she understands..

I like the idea of going out biking. (my leg muscles are wasting away) unfortunately, it was the ex that got me into it and I still haven't managed to find anyone else to go riding with. If anyone lives in the Dundee area (or wants to ride glentress at the weekends) gimme a shout 🙂

did I also mention I'm as stubborn as a mule – and I can't accept his reaons? It's all the worse because I haven't done anything wrong and because I don't have a penis I can't understand why it's such a big deal for him. he was attracted to me as a person; he didn't always have the sexual desire. that to me is just something to work with but is a deal-breaker if you're a 20 year old male 👿

'cut one's teeth'

argh – bloody gums, jagged, everywhere, horrible!!

at the age of around 13, I got £20 at the start of each month. it meant that we had to manage our money for the entire month and didn't buy snacks or sweets because I wanted to save it up for something special.

we didn't do anything particularly for it – helped out around the house, doing dishes, mowing lawn, hoovering, keeping tidy etc. we would have still done those things even if we didn't have pocket money though. no way would we cross our mum!