I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said – Watch out, I’m a maneater!
I went up to her and said “Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan.”
She stopped me and angrily said “Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I’ve eaten?! Well I can’t help my size you know!”
I said “Actually no, I wasn’t going to say that at all.”
She looked happier and smiled as she said “Oh yes, what did you want to say then?.”
“That’s not how you spell Manatee.”
While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
…
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, ‘I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.
The man looks a little perplexed and says, ‘Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.’
The doctor answers, ‘I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.’
The man screams in horror, ‘Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.’
The doctor replies, ‘Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.’
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, ‘Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.’
The guy says to the doctor, ‘Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!’
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. ‘Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!’
Oh, Thank God!’ the man replies.
‘Yes,’ says the Chinese doctor, ‘wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!’
and finaly !
My neighbours…………. The lesbians next door…… asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
