Actually it could happen, and quite soon.
As any student of history knows, huge amounts of coal, iron, lead and other minerals have been mined out of this country over hundreds of years.
It is a badly kept secret in the higher echelons of government that this has now reached a critical level, such that Britain is now only a few thousand tonnes away from starting to float.
Were this to happen, there would of course be huge "earthquakes" as Britain slowly sailed off into the Atlantic (or crashed into France, depending on the prevailing winds).
Fortunately, Steps have been Taken.
When the gravity of the threat was first realised, the Channel Tunnel was immediately put in place as part of a top secret deal between Britain and France to anchor our country firmly to Europe. To allay public suspicion it was explained away as being needed for "transport", but this was just a ruse to prevent widespread panic.
If that fails (as is widely expected) then "Plan B" is to utilize the vast numbers of propellers (ingeniously disguised as "wind turbines") that have been placed around the country. These will guide the country in whatever direction is desired. All that is needed for this to happen is to reverse the direction of flow of current from the National Grid. A single flick of a switch and we will finally control our own destiny.
Our great country will become a true seafaring nation, as it sails majestically around the oceans of the world, and a new era of British sea faring dominance will have begun.
