I’m not sure on this one. I think vouchers is better – if people are not buying “a thing” then they tend to want to know how the money they are putting in is going to benefit the couple, and not just get spunked in the pub.

Last couple of weddings I went to the couples asked for cash towards their honeymoon. OH and I didn’t put anything in, simply because it cost us to travel to attend these weddings, stay over in a hotel etc, we couldn’t afford to fork out on top of that. We explained it to the bride and groom and they were fine with it. The last wedding we went to OH was an usher, had been on the expensive overseas stag do, paid for his own suit hire, we’d paid for the travel, hotel room etc, so we just couldn’t afford to spend any more on it. So if you are going to ask for cash, be prepared that some people may not be able to afford to contribute in that way.

dehydration?

Not a doctor but my OH gets terrible headaches when out riding/playing footy and he hasn’t drunk enough/is riding hungover.

I’ve been looking at doing some of the CTC courses lately, such as MTB leader, the one to teach Bikeability, and the maintenance courses. Might be worth a crack.

OK. Read the book “I love you but I’m not in love with you” by Andrew G Marshall before you quit your marriage.

It was a huge eye opener for me. I had been something of a serial monogamist myself in younger years and had often got “itchy feet” and found myself moving on after 2-3 years, because my relationships were no longer new, exciting and interesting. After becoming somewhat sick of this pattern, I decided to investigate what exactly it is that makes long term relationships last (whether married or not).

I have absolutely no doubt that there are some people in genuinely unhappy marriages, and I would never advocate anyone staying in one of those, particularly if the relationship is toxic or abusive, or there are addiction issues, persistent infidelity, things like that. But I do think that along with the “consumer culture” we live in, we have also developed a throwaway attitude to our personal relationships as well – if the relationship no longer excites us and thrills us, then we think that it must be the fault of the other person, or that the relationship must be broken, and the only solution is to either break up and find someone new, or cheat (for those who want to keep their options open).

The problem is, that even when you meet the person who you think is “The One”, because everything feels like it’s exciting and new and wonderful, fast forward a few years, setting up a home together, maybe even marriage and kids, and you find the same problems start to surface again. Those feelings of “OMG she/he is the one” fade, because you see your partner’s imperfections, you go through stressful times, you have sleepless nights because of kids, maybe things dwindle in the bedroom. The reality is, more often than not, very different to the fantasy that we often have that if only we met “The One” then our relationship would always be wonderful and we wouldn’t have to ever do anything dull like “work at it” – things would just happen and they would always be peachy.

I’m sure you are also aware OP that if you do take the step of leaving a marriage/relationship where there are children involved, then you can’t just cut off from your ex partner, because you still have to co-parent, unless you are very silly and immature like my parents were and decide you no longer want to speak to each other and use the kids as go-betweens (not recommended). You’re not just setting up a new relationship, you are setting up a new family, and stepfamily dynamics are never, ever easy. Your new partner may resent involvement you still have with your ex. You may resent her involvement with her ex. The kids may resent the new family setup, particularly if they are aware you left their mum for this new woman. I’ve been in a relationship with a man with children and even 5 years after the ink dried on the divorce papers, it was still bloody difficult and the relationship was under strain pretty quickly from it all.

FWIW, I would personally be exploring every option to be able to work on the relationship you have in front of you before you decide to walk away, possibly from the frying pan into the fire, particularly when you have children, unless of course, you are in a relationship that is toxic or abusive, which IMO is more damaging for kids, in which case by all means leave, but not straight into the arms of someone else. Regardless whether you’ve slept together or not, people will assume you have if you take up with someone else pretty quickly, and especially if two families break up as a consequence.

Edit: The same thing nearly happened to me after 3 and a half years with my partner. A guy at work was attracted to me, was going through a tough time, and I was flattered by the attention etc. Nothing happened physically, but we developed a close friendship which could have been construed as perhaps being on the edge of emotional infidelity. He started trying to plant seeds of doubt about my relationship in my head and wanting me to leave my partner, he had the same belief about “when you find the right person life will be peachy all the time”. But this time, I didn’t bite. I knew that even if I left and took up with him, a few years down the line, I might well be in the same place, and it was time to break the pattern.

I am now putting the effort in again with what I have, to use the old “working at it” chestnut, and I can honestly say that you CAN rebuild a relationship that’s just gone a bit off track due to lack of time/attention etc, if both partners are willing to put the time and effort in. Relationships really do not “just happen” and if you take the other person for granted and don’t give the relationship the time and energy it deserves, then no matter how great the person was for the first 6 months, it won’t last.

I think she has 2 options.

a) she pays up and keeps the car, puts the finance in her own name or whatever
b) you sell it and give her back what she put into it.

I think out of courtesy you should tell her what you plan to do and give her the option of taking the car (and the finance) off you, whilst reimbursing you for anything you have paid towards it. She should, however, get what she has put in to it back.

She hasn’t behaved very well at all, but that does not mean that it’s ok to withhold money or sell her car without notice. Two wrongs not making a right and all that….after I left my ex partner, he left me paying off a loan that I’d taken out for him to help because he was in mortgage arrears, stating that I “forfeited the money when I left him”. Money and relationship issues are separate things IMO.

OK, didn’t know that about the poor reception thing. I work in an area where there is really poor signal (O2) – business park out in the sticks. Will be interestng to see if working in the city centre again in a few weeks time makes any difference.

z1ppy – wow. Had no idea, just checked out that link, I thought that home screen just showed the 4 most recently used apps!

Having driven behind a hearse a couple of times, I can without doubt testify that driving behind a hearse does not exempt you from any road rules that apply to other road users. I don’t think I would expect to be treated any differently, because as several other posters have said, nobody can tell that an ordinary car is in fact part of the procession. Therefore, you have no special “I am allowed to drive like a douche” rights.

If you are so upset by the death in question that you cannot drive safely, you should not be driving. Get a taxi, get someone else to drive, whatever. Because someone close to you died, it doesn’t give you the right to endanger the lives of others.

Baffled, utterly baffled by the police response.

Continually surprised, and saddened, by the number of people who get pets and then dump them when they are no longer convenient/novelty has worn off/they get too big/they’re too much work 🙁

😯

and be up front with what you want to buy!

Because we have (I think) a healthy attitude to finances, I am more likely to discuss any larger purchase I might want to make with my OH before I do it.

Well perhaps Squeeky realised he was out of order and has “self policed” before work had to wade in – result.

Hated fish as a kid, but will eat some now. I prefer white fish though, has a less fishy taste.

Didn’t like cauliflower but don’t mind it now.

Still don’t eat raw tomatoes, blue cheese or mushrooms.

The ex thought that one should live a frugal existence when that was not necessary due to a reasonable income. Anything bought was considered self-indulgent.

My OH’s parents are like that. Thankfully he isn’t. He is very responsible with money, and has a horror of debt, thanks to having grown up with frugal parents I guess, but he knows how to enjoy himself as well.

I couldn’t live with a total spendthrift (hence me having got rid of aforementioned ex) but I couldn’t live with someone who was that tight either.

As a couple/family you can either afford these bikes/parts – in which case you buy them, or you can’t – in which case you don’t. Judging by some of the responses above it would appear that many of you lack this fairly basic understanding of economics, usually gained after leaving the parental home, and have somehow managed to marry your mothers.

This. I want to be in a relationship with a responsible, independent adult. A parent/child dynamic in a relationship is not healthy IMO.
I don’t understand why anyone would need to lie about a purchase, if:

a) you earned the money and it’s yours
b) your purchase will not leave your partner or someone else unfairly burdened with the cost of things that you/the family need (note: need, not necessarily just want)
c) you are not in lots of debt and do not have a history of irresponsible spending

I was with a guy for a while who fell into the b and c category and still used to chuck loads of money on tat for his kid that she didn’t need, would use once and then would lie discarded on the bedroom floor. When I discovered the extent of his debt and financial stupidity, I was out of there pretty quick. I am not picking up the tab for someone not having learned basic economics, nor am I up for having to be someone’s mother rather than their partner.

I had this with two trainees I was supervising on the Future Jobs Fund in a previous workplace.

The place I worked for didn’t have a social media/acceptable use policy. I made sure HR drafted one pretty quick after that – OP, I don’t know if the workplace concerned has a policy to refer to? If they have breached a policy, then the company can decide whether to impose disciplinary action (or at least threaten it if the behaviour continues).

Most workplaces block access to social media on company equipment for this reason, but most people have smartphones now so they can still get on there during work hours.

In my case I had a quiet word with the two concerned – because there were no names mentioned, there was no absolute proof that they were slagging each other off, but it was pretty obvious. I just discussed their ideas of professional behaviour with them and why what you put on social media isn’t always your own private business – the comments they both wrote were making others in the workplace feel uncomfortable, so it became my business as their manager to address it. Worked for 18 year olds in their first job, but not sure if it would for older adults – if they are still doing that sort of thing and they are over 25, they might need to be told to grow up!!!

I earn about £4k more a year than OH, but I put more into savings, for things like car repairs, one off expenses etc, and I also pay more towards the cost of the car, since I use it more.

It all comes down to trusting each other to act like sensible adults where money is concerned really, if it came to car insurance renewal time and I’ve got no money in the savings account because I spunked it on bike bits, then OH would have a right to be annoyed, because it would cost us both more to pay monthly and I think our “laissez faire” attitude to each other’s finances wouldn’t work if that trust wasn’t there.

We also don’t own a house, and we don’t have kids. Maybe the model we chose would be different if either/both of those were the case, particularly if one of us was staying home or working p/t to raise children and that entailed a significant drop in earnings. I do know women whose husbands/partners control the finances entirely, they earn far more, and do as they please with their money, and the women end up with very little of their own, usually footing the bill for all the childcare as well. Makes me shudder.

Berkeley is worth a visit. I went to the Ghirardelli chocolate factory as well – yum!

Separate finances here. We live together, but are not married, no kids.

I don’t do joint finances. My OH earns his salary, he works hard for it, so as far as I’m concerned once the rent, bills and essentials are paid for, then that money is his, and the same for me. We are adults and we trust each other to pay our share of the essential costs each month, and that any “leisure spending” will not impact on those always being paid.

If anyone decided to try and tell me off for spending money that I earned from working on something that I wanted to buy, they would be given very short shrift indeed.

Spending other people’s money or getting into debt doing it is another matter, but if it’s your money and you earned it, fair game I say.

Awesome, great effort!

Just been through a similar thing. New job (which I have taken) was slightly more pay, but more of a challenge, and like a few people on here have said, I had carrots dangled in front of me for a while but nothing materialised. They did ask me if there was anything they could offer to make me stay, but at the end of the day, there were things I didn’t want to put up with any more. end of.

A long period of absence for a specific illness or injury is not generally frowned upon in most places. We had someone off for 4 months after a car crash, nobody whinged about picking up her work. Ditto with someone else who was diagnosed with MS and had 8 weeks off. An employee is more likely to be seen as “unreliable” if they consistently take a few days here and there, or if there is some kind of pattern to the absence, such as always being right after a bank holiday or something. You cannot brand an employee unreliable for breaking a bone, and if an employer sacked you, it would be unfair dismissal.

If the workload is an issue, managers should be hiring temps/bank staff if possible to cover. Bank staff are pretty readily available in the NHS. If they are making others cover the extra work with no pay, that’s bad management IMO and it is likely to lead to resentment of the staff member that’s off sick. Maybe that’s why OP’s colleagues are acting the way they are – possibly management have encouraged it in order to cover for their own failure to manage workloads when an employee is on long term sick.

Employees can however be disciplined for frequent or unexplained absences. If the OP falls into this category, then again, managers/HR should be addressing it, so as to minimise the effect on co-workers. However, I know from previous experience working in the NHS though that they are pretty poor at addressing poor attendance and performance.

I used to like football. Sick of the huge salaries/transfer fees, stupid player behaviour (Rooney, Suarez, Joey Barton etc) and players chucking themselves on the floor to try and get penalties/free kicks – they are mostly overpaid prima donnas now.

So, if you get sick, through no fault of your own, and have time off work, or dare have a long term medical condition, then you should expect your colleagues to make negative comments and undermine your work?

Glad I work at a place where that doesn’t happen.

I quite like the sound of bongo bongoland. I might emigrate 🙂

There is a difference between a personality clash and bullying.

Personality clash – I have heaps of those in the workplace. Doesn’t mean I go out of my way to put those people down, be negative towards them, or undermine their work, even if I don’t particularly like them. I deal with them professionally when I have to, and avoid them when it’s not necessary to deal with them. There may well be people I work with who feel the same about me, but because they behave sensibly, I am unaware that they don’t particularly like me. And so what – you can’t please everyone, but in a workplace, you do have to get on with all sorts.

The reporting around some of these news stories is frequently sensationalist and does not give the full story.

I frequently have to ask the parents of kids for them not to just run up to my dog and start mithering him – he is a very gentle dog, and has never bitten or even growled at anybody, but I don’t know if he might – if he is irritated, too hot, feels threatened etc, and I get terribly nervous if children surround him, because I know it would be my fault if he attacked.

Parents should teach their kids to ask an owner before they come and pet a dog, or that the parents should ask. If I see small children when I’m out, I put him on a lead. I have previously had to actually physically remove a child who was pulling my dog’s fur and would not stop when asked (former partner’s friend’s kid) and got an earful from the mother, I asked if she would rather risk her kid getting bitten by a Rottweiler, and she shut up rather quickly. Of course, these news stories rarely report that Little Johnny/Jenny might have done something to provoke a dog, or that idiot parents let their kids go up to dogs they don’t know and stick their hands out right in front of their mouths.

As a responsible dog owner, it is always a worry that your dog might do something unpredictable, but it is also always a worry that people might do something unpredictable around your dog, and it will be your fault. Most dog owners try their best to avoid it, but the minority idiots give us a bad name.

i cant understand how a grown up can be bullied.
stand up for yourself.
if you have a grievance, bring it out in the open.

Wow – super helpful 🙄

It’s difficult to just “stand up for yourself” because you have to be professional, and bullies often gather a lot of power in the workplace – they get people “on side” simply because people don’t want to be on that person’s bad side, they don’t want to be a victim themselves. If you stand up to them, you end up painted as the bad guy, unfortunately.

I got a ballot entry but withdrew due to broken wrist – thankfully they let you defer until 2014 so I can try again 🙂

Urgh – just given me a thought of what food awaits me in Hell (I ain’t never going to Heaven trust me!).

Them and crab sticks – for eternity…

crab sticks – urrrrghhh

anything involving fish eggs (caviar/roe, taramasalata, etc)

bleurgh

I had this issue and I got a pair of wider shoes – problem solved

Nope, you don’t need to tell your employer anything unless you get an offer and you decide to resign.

I did it a few years back. Jumped from IT into working with young people. Enjoyed it (though tiring at times) and eventually became a project manager.

Disadvantage was that the contracts only lasted as long as funding, so there was a big lack of job security. When my last contract was due to finish, the job market was really dry, so I went back into IT, but as a project manager rather than a techie, which I had been before. I enjoy it more than I thought I would do, and the job security is a bonus after a few years of precarious employment. OH and I are trying to save to buy a house, so at this stage of my life, the security is important to me.

I say go for it if it really interests you – you’ll regret it if you don’t. If you have a transferable skill like I did you can always return to something “safer” if you want to later on.

Leftover gluten free lasagne that I made the other night, and some mixed berries.

That was my concern as well jools – the grip. I am also a really wimpy descender on a road bike in the wet, but if I’m going to be an every day commuter I might just have to do whatever the female equivalent of MTFU is!

I doubt I’d ride in snow/ice. I’ll ride in most weathers, but I’m not a fan of potentially icy roads in rush hour traffic.

I’d imagine I’d commute most of the time on road bike – I have Gatorskins on that which are quite good in terms of puncture resistance. It’s more for when it gets wetter/slippy fallen leaves on the road etc.

I do actually have an old Ridgeback ATB/hybrid type thing which I lent to my dad’s missus, but she never uses it – am thinking perhaps that might be a good winter commuter, it has tyres that are somewhere between hybrid and MTB. Might give that a go, if it’s frustratingly slow, may consider something quicker like Alfine CX bike (not a fan of SS, I live in Leeds, fairly hilly).

Bikes.

I do have a dog that barks at loud noises. You could always record him barking over your tracks and see if it works?

1) I also like to tinker with my bike. I don’t have a garage though. If you were my neighbour I would probably annoy you asking to borrow tools.

2)Early 30s, and friends are late 20s to late 30s. Most of us are DINKS (double income no kids). We like to have BBQs that may involve alcohol. If you invite us to your alcoholic BBQs no problem with you having them 🙂 If you don’t invite us, you get a bomber.

3) We don’t have any grass, don’t particularly care what other people do with theirs….

4) I don’t have kids to make a lot of noise at all hours of the day and night, kick balls/chuck stuff through your windows, trash your garden, or annoy your pets. Win.

5) Hate dance music. You get a bomber for that.

6) Not getting a parking space on my street when I come home from work – source of irritation. You may get half a bomber for this one if your visitors come when I have had a bad day and want a glass of wine pronto but can’t park up.

7)don’t have a shed, know nothing about sheds.

So you get one and a half from me, 2 and a half if you don’t invite us round for the BBQ 🙂

There was one advertising where I work (just outside Harrogate) a while back. Can’t remember the name though 🙁 a few people used them and said they were good.

I watched that “Don’t Blame Facebook” show last night and there was a guy on there got done for eating a pet goldfish – I think he got a caution for it, so there is obviously a legal implication if any harm comes to an animal through a wilful and deliberate act.

Neighbour could, however, if confronted, say that the rat poison is intended for rats and deny all knowledge of the threat he issued….just saying.

Personally, I’d go for moving the rabbits out of harm’s way, in case he does start chucking pellets in the cage or something.