oh dear! Here’s hoping it clears up a bit by the 9th :(

Definitely my ex-partner’s ex wife, followed very closely by her mother. She single handedly managed to turn her child against her dad out of pure vindictiveness, she harassed us, demanded money in exchange for the child being allowed to visit, threatened me physically outside the school gates in front of the kid, and poisoned my ex’s dog. She also made up allegations of my ex hitting her, and accused him of sexually abusing his daughter.

I left him in the end because he raided our joint savings account to give her money in the hope that she would allow him to see his child, and he stopped me going to the police after she followed me to work and made a scene outside my office. He took anything and everything in the hope she would eventually allow him to see his child like a normal father.

So yeah, she was definitely the worst person I’ve ever known, and those around her who enabled and encouraged her a close second.

Just awful :(

The CSA would indeed regard redundancy money as income, depending how much it was – if for example you received 3 months wages, you would be expected to pay 3 months maintenance at normal levels.

Depends how much you are getting really as to what the best course of action would be. I’d stay away from the CSA if I were you, and negotiate a reduced amount with the ex if you can to help your redundancy money (and therefore her maintenance) last longer. They are not nice or reasonable people to deal with.

Avoid grains and watch your sugar intake (including fruit)

Used to find this before going Paleo. The answer for me was MOAR FAT at breakfast, along with the carbs and protein.

The other thing is that you might not actually be eating enough at meal times.

Example breakfasts that stop me from snacking:

scrambled eggs, palm sized portion of smoked salmon or bacon, 1/2 avocado

Berries topped with coconut milk/cream and toasted nuts and flax seeds with a drizzle of flax oil

Home made frittata using eggs, chopped veg, potato, some chorizo or bacon and cooked in butter or coconut oil (I make on a Sunday, lasts 4 breakfasts)

Breakfast sausage patties made with pork mince and diced veggies, usually have those with some spinach and tomatoes – I take them to work and heat them in the microwave

If you’re more a fan of sweet stuff at breakfast I also make Paleo pancakes using eggs, mashed banana and ground almonds which can be made in advance and heated in the toaster, then topped with whatever you want

I snack heaps less on Paleo, I am much, much less hungry between meals. I don’t need to count calories either and I can maintain my weight pretty well, in conjunction with regular exercise.

Cheers guys, @Jon, I’m just under 5’6″, so I was right on the cusp of frame sizes. I felt “squashed” on the 16″ so went for the 17.5. My previous bike was 16″ and always felt a shade on the small side too.

@bowglie – I suspect it will mostly be technique and tweaking, I did notice towards the end of my ride that leaning more did help the cornering somewhat.

I reckon porridge is a better choice than sugary cereal, but you need to add protein to increase the GI/satiety factor.

Still not ideal though – grains are a filler food, not optimal nutrition. JMPO (Just My Paleo Opinion!)

My job is project planning which involves a lot of resource management – not sure if this would be the same thing as what you’re looking into, we are about to put in a new system for project planning integrated with resource planning, timesheeting etc.

The bars are pretty wide, so maybe that’s a factor.

I’ve only done one ride, so I wouldn’t expect to be fully confident on any new bike after just one spin. I think it is mostly to do with the fact that I’m not used to riding a 29er and it makes sense to me that it might handle differently or need to tweak my technique a bit. My OH tried it out as well as we’re not too different in height, and he said the same, that it handles slightly differently. I suppose all bikes to to an extent though.

you blokes eating cereals………DONT!!

3 egg omlette with 2 sausages chopped up and mixed into it.

This! Most cereals masquerading as “healthy” have next to no nutrition, often high in sugar (think granola/muesli) have the bollox refined out of them (and so they have to add vitamins and minerals back in to compensate) and will keep you going for all of 5 minutes.

Switching to a protein based breakfast with some fat (think eggs and salmon, bacon and eggs etc) keeps you satisfied longer, curbs snacking and overeating at the next meal.

I’m doing Dryathlon. Don’t drink much now due to health issues, but I used to be a heavy drinker, got drunk a lot in my twenties.

Just don’t really want to do it anymore, don’t want the negative consequences, emotional, physical, or otherwise. I prefer staying off it.

Depends what they want to do with their bike IMO. If they just want to pootle and play with their friends, then a cheap bike is probably fine. But if they like cycling and they want to learn to MTB etc, then it makes sense to spend the extra money for something decent that will help build their confidence.

Spare a thought for those families who don’t have the extra cash and don’t have this dilemma….maybe the family members who are saying it’s excessive wouldn’t have the money themselves to pay the extra. Or they have a different idea of what’s “essential” and not. My inlaws will frequently make comments about the money that OH and I spend on things they think are extravagant, but we have a totally different lifestyle to them – they have always owned their own business and therefore their mentality on taking holidays, for example, is different to ours.

Nod and smile and do what you want anyway.

I am down from 11 stone at Xmas 2011 to 9 stone 13lbs. Size 14 to size 10/small 12.

My goal was not only weight loss, it was control of Crohns disease, and adapting to a gluten free diet after a coeliac diagnosis. Weight loss was a happy side effect! I am now steroid free and tapering off some other medications.

The things that worked for me were:

Fat. Yup, fat. 40-50% of calories coming from said fat, mainly in the form of oily fish (and fish oil supplements) flax, hemp oil, nuts, almond butter, coconut, avocado. I have full fat Greek yoghurt, full fat goats cheese and feta, things are cooked in butter or coconut oil.

Calorie maths – working out my daily calorie needs, and using My Fitness Pal to track and make sure I stayed on track with my nutrients.
Avoidance of grains, even wholegrains, refined sugar, legumes, processed foods. I sometimes have rice/rice noodles, a gluten free pizza or make a GF cake as an occasional treat, but on the whole, those things don’t form part of my diet.
No booze and not drinking my calories – I ditched the morning fruit juice sugar spike in favour of water with a squeeze of lemon, and try to stay hydrated.

There hasn’t been much exercise either, bar walking my dog and doing yoga, because I was too unwell for a few months to do heavy exercise or training. Largely, I’ve lost weight through diet and a bit of light exercise.

The conventional wisdom we’re taught about low fat diets and weight loss – I definitely don’t believe in it any more!

h so you’ve tried it then! Did you use coconut oil, or pure MCT oil (as recommended) or just skip that? I’ve not tried it myself but I would if I were experimenting with lo-carb!

I have tried with both coconut oil and Jersey butter. Butter is much nicer – a bit like coffee with cream :) Love baked sweet potatoes too, mmmm.

Solo, sorry to hear about your friend with Crohns. I’m coeliac as well, but I find that even the gluten substitute products aggravate the Crohns – they are full of nasties as well as being basically a whole load of white flour, doesn’t matter if it’s not wheat, they are refined and nutritionally poor in general.

I’m interested to hear how others on “different” diets handle their training goals really, helps with ideas, things to try….I’m much less experimental now than I was a few months ago, kind of know which foods I can and can’t have, but the impact of the macronutrient ratios/quantities on training is the unknown factor here, having not long come out of a bout of illness and started to train again on the new Crohns friendly regime. A few ideas here to get me started :)

Solo – I’m 100% in agreement about the low fat diet myth. Low fat diet – a few lbs off and always hungry. Low carb diet – 11lbs dropped fairly quickly, weight stable, health stable.

At the time I tried i-dave, I was still using legumes in my diet as they are a decent mix of carbs and protein – same thing with quinoa, which I can still eat. I just noticed that if I had, for example, chili with kidney beans for lunch, my ride home was kak, whereas if I had something like meat/fish and salad, the ride home was much better. As I mentioned though, I have Crohns, so in terms of what my body likes and can digest, it’s pretty fussy.

The whole grains and legumes and lectins/blocking of nutrient absorption/leaky gut thing – I don’t think it’s true for everyone, but for those of us with sensitive guts, I reckon there’s something in it.

It’s good to know it can be done – seems a few of you on here are going there.

zilog – bulletproof coffee is fairly ace, if you hate eating in the mornings. The oiliness is a bit weird at first – it has the texture of Tibetan yak butter tea, but thankfully without the yakky taste!

Mol, I did try i-dave a few months back. The thing that slowed me down was beans/peas/lentils. If I ate those during the day, no kidding, my ride home from work was heinous, without exception.

(yeah I know they should speed you up in the form of gas power, I’ll get the fart jokes in before the boys!!)

I can’t do dairy before riding/running either. Makes me feel sick. After though I’m fine with it.

Current workout fuel is a shake using Kara coconut milk, berries, ground almonds, flax or hemp oil, and a teaspoon of honey. Maybe adding a banana would help if I’m doing longer ones.

If you feel he needs some tough love, then I’d suggest the following. This is how my dad and his wife addressed problems with my younger sister, who is a similar age to your son, and expected to spend her lengthy summer uni holiday (mid-May to mid-September) dossing around and living the life of Reilly. They figured, she’s an adult, so she should be allowed to make some choices. So they gave her three options, realising that a paid summer job given the current climate would not necessarily be an option.

1) Do nothing, and pay board out of her student grant (she is Danish-born, so gets one, and it’s not ungenerous, they pay in the holidays too).
2) No board to pay, but she takes up voluntary work doing something useful in the community which takes up at least half of her week (might be less for your son, if he already does some paid work). Your son could perhaps teach music/drumming to kids/teens, if that’s what he’s into.
3) No board to pay, but she takes care of the housework and garden/animals (they have chickens and ducks) and also calls on the elderly neighbours each day and does chores and shopping for them. If chores are not fulfilled option 1 ensues.

My sister chose to volunteer doing art work with disabled adults, as she likes art and media and film making. She needed a push to get it organised (and threat of Option 1 being invoked) but she did it and in the end, liked it, and she’s got something on her CV now. Voluntary work is a good thing for young people to do if they can’t find a job and plenty of charities are looking for people to help. Tough love yes, but offer some choice and some decision making opportunity.

Argh. I did not say i-dave is low carb. I forget how sensitive this is!

I-dave is, as far as I understand it, a diet with a modified (if not as low as my diet, Paleo or Atkins, for example) carb intake, ie no grains and no potatoes I don’t think, but it has been a while since I read the literature on it. Hence why I thought that people who follow that kind of diet may have more experience of training on fewer/different carbs than people who follow a standard diet.

Mol – MCT – that’s in coconut milk I think….which I rather like.

Thanks for the link scaled – very interesting.

As a former yoof worker, I have to tell you I’ve seen much worse situations. He at least has a p/t job and a hobby. Presumably he isn’t abusing alcohol or drugs, and he isn’t in any kind of trouble with the law, or at risk of any major long term harm.

It’s not a great world out there for young people in Britain any more. Few jobs, fierce competition for the jobs there are. Little or no help if you want to go to uni or better yourself. Graduates don’t fare much better in the job market than non-graduates in the current climate. A lot of young people don’t feel there is much hope for them, or that anybody in charge particularly cares – this government have well and truly pulled the rug out from under them. Cuts in youth services, and careers guidance in schools. High tuition fees and debt. Crap labour market. Allowing companies to offer “apprenticeships” that aren’t worth the paper they’re written on, so young people work a full time week for less than minimum wage only to be jettisoned after 6 months for the next cohort of cheap labour. And lets not go there on welfare to work schemes – Poundland, Argos, TK Maxx, and a host of other companies who would previously have employed young people over the Christmas period now don’t need to, because they can have a slew of them from the Jobcentre who are compelled to work for their benefits. Profit before people.

If I was your son’s age, I’m really not sure how I’d see my future either.

I’ve had my problems with drink. Don’t touch the stuff now – if I do, it never goes well for anyone.

In my heavy drinking days, I can’t say that a minimum price would have ever put me off. If you’re addicted to the stuff in some way, you don’t really care what it costs – in every sense, financial, emotional, whatever.

I just think the government don’t really know what to do about it, 24h licensing was meant to give us a European drinking culture instead of the British binge drinking culture, but that didn’t work, so they’re now attempting to make it effectively too expensive for poor people to drink – how wonderfully simplistic, because of course it’s poor people getting drunk that’s the problem isn’t it :roll: nice middle and upper class people, they can be trusted with alcohol can’t they? They’re educated and responsible and only drink moderately within government guidelines….no silent epidemic of functional alcoholism among the middle classes at all.

But the middle and upper classes can pay for their own rehab and generally keep their problems away from the social workers, so I guess it’s not the government’s problem if those kinds of drinkers don’t cost them money.

Sounds like he hasn’t got a leg to stand on but he’s just trying to make things as difficult as possible for you.

If he has charged for cleaning, he will have to provide proof of the services he engaged and the cost of them, as well as photos of what needed cleaning. Lack of provision of this evidence meant that a former landlord of mine couldn’t claim the £300 she said she wanted to charge for cleaning services she supposedly had to get in, but I had photos to prove I left the place clean – in fact in better condition than I found it.

If he didn’t provide an inventory, then I don’t think he will be able to make any claim as there is no proof that anything was your fault, neither of you signed off on the condition of the flat upon start of tenancy.

You say there was a letting agent involved, I wonder why on earth they didn’t insist on things being done properly, normally they take care of inventories etc….have you complained to them?

Not wedded to WSD, but it depends on the make/model for whether it fits as with all things.

The Boardman FS – I looked at it but it’s over the £1000 limit and they won’t let you top up, they’re really strict about it.

Nope, only Evans and Halfords on my c2w scheme :(

I’d seen a BMC full sus that I liked for £900, but also liked the look of some 29ers, I guess I like the idea of a full sus being a bit more “forgiving” – ideally though I wanted lockout and the BMC Shiver doesn’t have that, although I do like the bike nonetheless.

But yeah I don’t really do jumps/big drops any more (thanks to too many injuries) – more XC with a bit of DH, I’m not afraid of rocks and roots but I’m never going to be a freerider!

mrsmouse, I rejected SPD’s for the same reason, much happier in flats.

I think I will just have to try and build up again. It’s difficult for me to build a lot of fitness and stamina as well because I have Crohns and that can result in missing a few weeks training if it flares up. Building good, consistent base fitness is hard with that going on because I can be very fatigued, and riding when tired or weakened usually means I won’t concentrate as well. I don’t want to “give in” to having a chronic illness and limiting myself IYSWIM, so I sometimes push myself a bit too hard. I don’t want to stop trying though, I guess that’s the main thing!

sometimes getting back and doing it again results in you tensing up and riding even worse,

Think this is where I’m at.

Phil, I live in Leeds. There is plenty of riding around where I live, I just don’t have the confidence to ride with a group any more so maybe cinnamon’s advice might be the best for me. I just feel like I suck on the bike at the moment!

Wow. My sincere sympathy to you and your family.

there is a “checklist” here which might be a good place to start:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/WhatToDoAfterADeath/Guide/DG_WP202300

Might be worth asking if you can change the type of mortgage you have, look at downsizing, or seeing if they will offer a repayment holiday whilst you sort things out.

And I agree with others who have said to get in touch with bereavement services as they will be able to offer advice and support. Cruse and WW are both great.

ahh I see – we cross posted there I think, good to hear she won’t restrict access as long as you maintain sobriety. Better if you can work it out between yourselves, the family judicial system sucks for all involved.

Try getting her “He’s just not that into you”. It’s a bit American and a bit “go girlfriend” but the main principle of the book is very simple. Or try the list below.

If he’s been looking on dating sites, he’s not that into her.
If he’s been doing sexy online chat with other women, he’s not that into her.
If he’s meeting up with these other women, he’s not that into her.
If he’s cheating, he’s not that into her. And if he’s not that into her, he will continue to do it.

Now, does she want to continue to be someone’s fallback option while he looks round on the internet for something better, or does she want to go out there and find someone who isn’t a selfish lying tw@, and who is into her?

Simple :)

Try and be cool and don’t do/say anything that could spoil your chances of joint custody…..

I can’t emphasise enough (from having worked in this area) that one thing that WILL affect your chances of joint custody is a track record of heavy drinking. Particularly if you are male. It’s very wrong, but the stereotypical image of a heavy drinking male is someone who has the potential to become aggressive/violent, can be a bully, is bad tempered, puts the drinking first and therefore unsuited to caring for the needs of small children. Heavy drinking females are not that much different, but unfortunately the system has a tendency to see heavy drinking/alcoholism in women as a “cry for help” or symptom of stress/mental illness than an inherent personality defect, as it is seen in men. Like I say, it’s a completely wrong way to view it, as drink affects women worse if anything because of their reduced alcohol tolerance compared to men, and an alcoholic mother is every bit as awful as an alcoholic father. I’m just warning you because I know the ins and outs of this stuff through previous work.

You MUST show that you are dealing with any drink problem that your wife may cite as a reason for restricting access or going for sole residency, whether that is evidence of seeing your GP, being on meds, attending counselling/AA etc.

You seem to not think there is any way out re your job and the demanding-ness of clients, but if you want decent access arrangements for your daughter, you need to sort it – sorry bud that’s the truth, if you can’t sort out an appropriate schedule where you can be there for your kid at certain times and not be called out with work (who would mind her if you were called out in the middle of the night?)then you won’t even get overnights – frankly, because it wouldn’t be in the child’s best interests at the age she is now. If you want anything near to joint residency you need to fix both the drinking and the excessive working and show you can step up and cope with the demands of being a dad on your own.

sorry if I’m butt-kicking a bit, but I’ve worked in this sphere as I said and I know how this stuff works, and the system is stacked against even the most decent and devoted dads who have never put a foot wrong from the word go.

Hi, just wanted to give you a virtual hug, because it’s not nice what you’re going through. As much as you own the issues involved, it sucks to be on the end of it. As someone who has had a bit of a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol, I can relate.

I joined a forum called Bright Eye, which is a support forum for people with alcohol problems and it has been hugely helpful. You get to talk to other people in similar places to you, get support, the occasional kick up the backside, and see how other people have tackled their alcohol issues. I’ve got a lot more handle on my drinking now – I still have my moments but I don’t feel as if it controls me any more in such an all consuming way. EAF (Evil Alcohol Fairy) has a habit of clouding one’s perspective somewhat about what the important things are in life.

If you feel the urge to pick the bottle up, just make yourself a list of all the things that you want to achieve by being sober. I’d advise not focusing on getting your wife back right now – perhaps some time for the dust to settle is needed. But you could list better health, reduced stress, and being a better and more present father to your little girl. Quite honestly, I think your wife is doing the right thing not allowing overnight stays at the moment, I wouldn’t if it was my child, until I knew for sure that I could trust the child’s father not to be drunk whilst looking after a little one.

You have work to do – get on and make that list and every time the EAF comes calling, go back to it and think of every single reason why NOT to do it.

When you stop drinking and losing those hours at the bottom of a bottle, you might find that the family time that you think you have been robbed of by work was actually there all along, and actually it was the drink robbing you of it.

yup….dealing with tendonitis in my shoulder and bicep after falling awkwardly on it. Banned from body pump and MTB, but should be able to get back on the road bike this week and swim a bit to keep it loose.

I’ve lost 8lb logging what I eat on myfitnesspal, exercising more and including strength/resistance training once a week. I try to stick to 40% carbs, 30% protein, 30% fat, and keep junk food to a minimum – I allow myself one indulgence day a week though!

Go to bed between 23:00 and 00:00 and get up between 06:00 and 07:00 – 6am start is if I’m cycling to work.

I’ve always liked Jessica, I like French names too, Leonie or Ariane.

I did mine with QA as well. I liked the trainer, she gave us plenty of “real life” examples, especially examples of how you would adapt PRINCE2 to your environment. I worked for a small charity at the time so that was useful, as governance in nonprofits is not the same as in the private sector.

One thing to add to this, you can ride further than you think you can, so don’t give up just because it gets hard.

I think it’s mental as much as physical with me. I get very demoralised about not improving, and riding with better riders and getting left behind all the time, I worry I am spoiling their enjoyment if they have to wait for me and I am embarrassed about how unfit I am :cry: which then makes me shy of riding as much as I could do to improve.

I suppose there is no magic formula other than riding up more hills, I will just have to get a bit less tough on myself and stop expecting that I will be as fast and strong as people who haven’t had long breaks from training.

Mol, I live in Leeds. I ride with a group in Ilkley once a week at the moment which usually involves a hard slog up the moorside and it’s been a mare these last few wet weeks.

Explosive? I don’t want to strap fireworks to my legs thank you! :P

Yup, I’d agree – just not getting a huge amount of time on the MTB at the moment due to dire weather, which won’t be helping. I know people do ride in all conditions, but I’ve just found that when I’ve been out on the moors recently it’s so muddy and boggy that I’m spending more time off the bike (either pushing or falling off it) than on it, and having to turn back on rides due to impassable trails, and (pride issue) holding my fellow riders up because I’m slow as hell or walking.

was wondering really if I can’t get out on the MTB as much as I’d like if there are any cross training/gym activities that would at least help. Maybe my technique for climbing on the MTB needs work as well :|