Can someone explain to me why it matters? Ta.

That mleh banner is in my garage…. I think.
Wish I had enough time to hang out there still. I loves teh mlehers. I am also guardian of the mleh trophy cabinet… :)

X

Bumpity bump.
Any dates? Doing my year planner….
And want to save the date. :)

Who’s troglodyte?
Want to say their name like Miss Dynami-tee-hee!

*Jiggles*

Want!
I have a silver bike-chain-alike bracelet that I wear all the time that’s quite understated. But I like that one for extra bling factor. :)

I had very similar. Gp put it down to depression when I really felt it was more physical. I do get depression, but this was different. They did a number of standard tests but also found nothing but low white cell count. They refused to test in relation to glandular fever or lymes disease. In the end, my mental health did suffer, body and mind are inextricably linked in health and wellbeing, but I believe it was more a consequence of an undiagnosed, untreated physical illness causing a low mood. I ended up off work long term and ‘cured’ myself by taking total rest for about a month and a half and building up mentally and physically again veeeeeerrrry slowly. A kind of ‘graded exposure’ approach. Part of it was a shift in mental attitude, becoming positive that I would recover if I was determined to, and partly by stopping from being over- sensitive to symptoms. Eg another cold/flu was just another cold/flu, back off a bit for a week or two then carry on building up, and not a sign that I was never going to get better. I stopped ‘training’ and just did physical stuff for the pleasure. No other goal than enjoying myself. It took about a year in the end. Good luck.

No Fuss Macavalanche. Better than the ‘real’ Mega for me for atmosphere, people, silliness and inspired initiative.

Very ‘clement’ weather in terms of mildness and lack of precipitation. Ground wetness made bitsof the course cut up quite badly. The potholes of slurry/gravel that appeared on the fast descent took me by surprise.
Epic ride for me. My lights played up on one lap and I rode by the full moon in the open and other people’s lights in the woods. A bloke kindly yelled “jump!” at me on all the wee water bars on the descent when I asked if I could tail him for the benefit of his light.
An upsetting too-many-gels ‘Paula Radcliffe’ moment out on the course coincided with the middle of a lap where I had a hard otb in a wheelstopper and my freehub decided to play “guess when I’m going to engage”. A bit of a weep at the indignity of it all, a baby-wipe shower, fresh clothes, a bastardised bike, some real food, some immodium and a kip later, I was good to go again.
My pit crew, Roberta, druidh and graham went above and beyond the call of duty to get me through to 10am today.
….you really didn’t need to know some of that, did you?… My head, body and two bikes are sh*gged, I just don’t care anymore! *rocks gently in a corner*

How do I save this thread for future reference?

Kaesae, it may seem simple to ignore the critical words, but when they’ve gone towards creating a distorted mirror of how you see yourself, then it’s difficult challenge that reflection. If it’s an ‘uglifying’ mirror you’ve been given in which to see yourself, for example, you see an ugly person. Trying to make the mirror into a true and undistorted reflection of who you ‘really’ are, can be difficult to achieve and sometimes even once you’ve achieved it, the mirror can go through warped phases.

I understand it on an intellectual level, but wrestle with putting it into practice at that gut level when the guard is down.
Edit: trying to redress the balance for my own kids is what often keeps me going, I just hope I don’t let them down.

Being reassured I’m not alone in this is very helpful.

I’m overwhelmed by all your kind supportive words. Thank you.

Thank you all. I just feel so isolated and tonight I feel alone and vulnerable and have had just had too much space to think.
I agree with you Mal-ec about the ‘too strong too long’. I try and keep it all together for my kids and at work and also want to perform with my biking. I just feel sometimes if I’m not what I think of as enough I’ll just disappear. If I’m not something, I’m nothing…
Maybe sounds nonsense to some people but it’s a scary place to be sometimes.

Thanks people. I am having a difficult time tonight and didn’t know where to turn. Feel a bit silly writing on here, but I’ve seen such supportive things for others in the past. To those who I know in the ‘real world’, you just assume other people have other shit to deal with .

I’ve had CBT and again, it helps on a superficial level, but when things get difficult, that internal voice seems to win over.

Cruzheckler, I am ok at the ‘facade’ of being confident and assertive on a superficial level, but struggle to apply it to my deeper sense of self and close relationships.

SCXC, The trouble is, I assume my friends have better things to do/think about than me and my problems.

Yes, the bar mount remote lever.

Muddy, is the ebay german one called XCL or XLC or something? If so, I’ve got one. The only prob I’ve had with it is that the remote lever is a bit piddly and exposed, so I’ve knocked it when racing and ended up with a high saddle again in the middle of an enduro DH descent… Otherwise it’s bearing up well after 5 months or so.

Warm, wet and windy is my prediction. YUK! My least favourite conditions.

The trails are fine in general. Rode yesterday. There’s a tree down on the final armoured swoopy bit back towards the carpark at Ordiequish, right after the blind hump where you’re going fastest, so go easy. Was too big for me to shift and I didn’t have a saw on me.
Windy again now, so might be more down by Saturday.

Apparently I was speaking latin last weekend. Ecce in pictura est un puella nominie Cornelia. Cornelia est sub arbore sedet…

Haven’t done latin since I was at high school.

I was out for 4 hours with my friend on a very windy moray firth coast. ” hey, it’s blowing a hooley, let’s go ride along a clifftop!!” Then up the Bin of Cullen where I got blown over. It was ace. Also saw cherry blossoms which is disturbing as we’re about the same latitude as inverness… So quite far north compared to those others who have seen blossoms.

Having ended all contact with my mother earlier this year because she has been nothing but a negative influence on me and my self esteem, I am spending Christmas doing what the friking hell I like with my tolerable at present and increasingly pleasant as he gets older, teenage son and my lovely friends. I have a choice of Christmas dinner which includes salmon, chicken or spaghetti bolognaise, depending on what I feel like making after a 4 hour ride in the hills, if my recently healed-up (from chest infection) lungs allow it.
Got a game of Risk laid out on the coffee table, a glass of wine, some nibbles and a few pressies for the morning in keeping with the season.
Bliss :)
Makes a change from the wailing of the martyr who won’t let anyone help them from the kitchen and the relentless criticism of my every breath and gesture of yesteryear… I may be able to rescue my lovely father from her clutches sometime.

Proper Woop. A landmark in cycling indeed!!! :)

Do you have contact details you could mail me? Email in profile. :) Ta

Saw the Honda at fort William a few times. The pits were always closed off and shrouded in secrecy. Looked nice tho.

Elbows get called abalums. Fingers are wingies.

Still wild on the moray firth coast. Two large trees down on 18 mile route home. Was heading along usual seafront road and ran over lots of seaweed and medium sized pebbles (fist sized) thrown a good 20 feet by the waves. A friggin starfish hit my windscreen… Not kidding, had to windscreen wipe it off! No octopodes though.
House being battered by wind so loud I’m failing to get to sleep just now. Salt spray heavy enough to be tasted in the air on the onshore side of the house. Front of house is probably 400m from sea with a high, disused harbour wall supposedly sheltering us. Worst storm I’ve seen here in the 8 yrs I’ve lived here.

I can remove a man’s socks simultaneously using just my big toes…. One has to be in a particular position in order to achieve this. :)

Allthegear/Rachel: Cool snowy pic :)

Oh, forgot about CFH. Would LOVE to meet him. :)

I already know a lot of the Scottish contingent. I’d like to meet Tsy, Elf, Deadlydarcy, Ton, mboy, Sanny and cinnamongirl. Lots of others who don’t spring to mind. I guess I just like meeting and riding with new people :)

Mmmmm, scab picking! Only beaten by a good dose of sunburn peelage. Nomnomnom!

I treat it like a quick dip into a trashy magazine or newspaper combined with some gossip/chat with friends. Some news, some funny stuff and some proper communication. Good for whiling away the times when you would flick through the aforesaid magazines/newspapers.

@jojoa1

Brisk and bracing it was! Complexion intact, thanks Hels :) just a little tinker’s tartan on the saddlebags ;)
Legend, would have loved to be there, but son’s exams had to take precedent *vaguely sensible mum moment* which Diva was texting, just so I can work out who you are…

Elf, buttermilk, shading nicely to milky tea in summer. :)

Lucky you Indeed. Got a letter the other week informing me I’m going to be paying off my tax credit overpayment until 2019. :S

Epicyclo, I’m hoping that training will stave off the knackeredness a little and increase the speed of the riding which precedes it. At least that’s the idea :). Yesterday in the sleet was acclimatisation more than anything. :)

Mastiles, that description fits my circumstance exactly. Gable wall faces N.E onto Moray Firth, nasty winds and little light :(

Dehumidifier going to have to be a permanent fixture then… at least having the thing running gets some heat into the room!

Will try the milton solution as I already have that for camelbak bladders and race bottles.

Cheers :)

The tank’s really clean looking, not gross at all, which is what set me wondering when I’ve been emptying it.

Haven’t you got any scales?

Sleet at sea level on the Moray Firth coast. Snow just inland a few miles.