In my case though, rather than not having the surgery, I have considered (seriously) elective amputation of my little finger as another option

After the contracture came back for my mum she ended up having this done.  I can’t remember now why they said she couldn’t have the contracture surgery again.  She was surprised at how much you use your little finger for day to day stuff, even a really bent one.  She’s adapted now though and its better than the dupuytrens was.

My brother has the starting of it as well. Fingers crossed (while I can) I don’t seem to have it (yet)

Not something I’ve ever heard of before and doubt I have it as mine is just a shape issue.  But it does describe my body shape of size 10/12 at the top half down to my hips then size 16 / 18 for bum and legs. It helps that I’m tall (5’10”) so its not that noticeable but buying trousers is a pain as I need to cinch in a load of excess material at the waist.

My figure has never really bothered me I’ve always just figured that’s the shape I am and haven’t tried to diet or exercise to change it (I do exercise for general health reasons)

Many years ago I ordered a made to measure dry suit where you take your own measurements and send them off.  They rang me up to make sure I hadn’t made a mistake as they didn’t believe them.  Yep, I really am that shape.  I thought it was funny.

Yesterday I spoke to a solicitor that I got in touch with via the National Free Wills Network.  There are loads of charities on there and I plan to give a bit to one on the list.  Really easy to get an appointment.

They basically said that what I’d thought would happen if I’d DIY’d it probably wasn’t the best way.  Suggested mirror wills, which I’d not heard of and a bunch of other stuff.  Total cost for two people will be £30 for ID checking.  It does say if your will is complex you may be charged extra.

They also talked about power of attorney for finances and health which is where the cost for two people was more like £800.  However no hard sell and they also pointed out that you can DIY them and just pay court fees at about £300

Can you change the mother in laws mobility scooter for one that fits in a more normal sized boot so you can get a smaller car?

Another one for the burst appendix.  The actual bursting was painful but ok and I felt better for a couple of days before my insides filled up with gunk and I curled into the fetal position.  The worst bit was when they physically flattened me out for the scan, that made me scream.  The surgeon was really impressed that he’d never had to use as much wash out liquid on anyone else before to clean up their insides.

On a lesser note I had an ear infection which had me considering if I could stab my eardrum with a pencil to burst it.  Thankfully it burst on its own due to the pressure of the infection and the relief was instant and wonderful.

Another woman here who you have described perfectly in the OP. Unless its a sudden change in personality that seems to have been triggered then I wouldn’t worry.  I’d have hated it if someone had tried to fix me as it just makes me shut down more.  Of course I’d prefer not to have the thoughts that people would rather be talking to someone else but over the years I’ve learnt to tell myself its probably not true.  However I would say that my life so far has been happy, healthy and successful, I’ve just done it in my own way.

You calling me a dickhead? I’d add a smiley but I can’t work out how to, see point 6 below

6. They’re old and incompetent and can’t use this new fangled technology properly.

I’ll counter that with smart phones that mute the call or hang up if it is even lightly touched by a bit of loose hair* when you put it near your ear.  (I do hold it horizontally but use head phones as no one needs to hear the other side of the conversation but me)

*long hair, not over excessive ear hair

Since we were getting in at silly o’clock from a flight, we’d booked into a nearby Travel lodge for a sleep before we did the journey home the next morning.  We woke up earlier than expected so decided to have the breakfast there before setting off.  After buying the ticket and heading next door it turned out that the breakfast had shut 15 mins earlier.

The lovely fella from the breakfasts went back to the hotel with us to get our money back then made us free takeaway butties with the left over breakfast bacon.  Free bacon, the best way to start the day.

Hannah, really sorry to hear your being dismissed by the doctor.  I can’t offer any advise on the B12 deficiency but if your on facebook I’ve found a helpful private group called Miss Menopause.  It sounds like its depressingly common for people to have to go see a different doctor to get some helpful advise.

@stwhannah Thank you for the tip, that looks like just the kind of group I’m looking for.  Unfortunately I’m Wakefield based so could never get there on an evening.  Like everyone else it’s fitting it in that’s the issue and week nights are always a bit awkward.

I’m feeling motivated now though just saying I’ve not got out, I think I’ll dust off the bike at the weekend and go out with the other half.

@Rona jigsaws are just really relaxing, I love that its tactile and calms my brain down. I’m jealous of having a table free that you can leave one on as mine has to be slotted away under the sofa when I’m not doing it.  I have been known to wield the other kind of jigsaw too.  Much to the confusion of my quite traditional neighbour who was surprised to see a woman using power tools and wondered why I hadn’t “got a man in” 🙂

Hello, it’s nice to hear who people are so I thought I’d join in too.

I’m Julie, another long time lurker and very occasional poster on the main forum.  I’m not sure if I can call myself a biker at the moment as I’ve barely been out on mine this year due to a combination of poor weather, lack of fitness and general lethargy at the weekends.  When I do go out I’m very much at the gentle pootle end of the spectrum on gravel paths with a bit of easy single track thrown in.  I tried to find a local bike group in the West Yorkshire area to motivate me to get me out but they seemed to be either road cycling or gnar with nothing in between.

Bike wise I own a Cube hardtail, can’t remember what type as I’ll be honest I’m not interested in the mechanical side, just like the feeling of freedom and fresh air of being out.

The rest of the time I work as a structural engineer so very few women there which is part of the reason this corner of the forum seems like a good idea.  Hobbies are walking, indoor climbing, pilates or jigsaws, reading and computer games when indoors.  I used to do a lot of white water kayaking too but that has petered out as well at the moment although I hope to do some more in the future.

I’ve had a couple of bouts of this and the Epley manoeuvre exercises did work but they do make you feel awful in the short term.

I got this during covid times so after half a day of not being able to get up off the floor without getting the worst hangover room spins I got a telephone consultation and told to google the Epley manoeuvre & Brandt-Daroff Exercises.

By the next day it had dropped to mild nausea and went away after a few days.

I was told that if you have it once you’ll probably get it again and I’ve had another bout but restarted the exercises straight away and that was less than a day and no where near as bad as the first time.

I have a friend with dreadful snoring that is caused by his jaw slackening when he’s asleep so it drops back blocking the airway.  The mouth guards pretty much stopped his snoring competently as it kept his jaw in place.  I guess it would only work for certain types of snoring.

Thank you, some much better deals out there than I’d managed to find searching myself.

I have one of those felt rolls and don’t get on with it. It works ok when the pieces are joined together but any loose pieces just fell out of the roll. That tray with drawers looks great.

For type I’d go for something similar to what you saw her doing. I like ones with lots of different patches of colour or texture in the picture so you can see where the piece should go. The one zippykona posted above looks good. I find those impossiipuzzle pictures or loads of blue sky are just a frustrating exercise trying each piece one after the other.

Basic Netflix without adverts is £6.99/month. Can only watch it on one device at a time and its HD not full HD whatever the difference is.

If she doesn’t mind the idea of a deck then I’d go for that first. Cags are great if there is any wind or spray but as always sizing is based on an average woman so if she generally needs to try clothing on then the same will apply here. As you put them on like a jumper if she is large chested some brands are better than others, although don’t ask me which as I always bought mens as I’m apparently too tall for a woman 🙂
Pogies are great for keeping the hands warm, open palm mittens aren’t quite as warm but are easier to flick on and off.

How about a waterproof camera for some on water shots?
Or an aquapack for a phone or car keys?

As others have said things vary between offices too. I worked for one of the big (not American) firms in a fairly senior role but in a regional office. All the admin of a global multinational with all the resources of an SME. Some places just feel like if its not London it gets left behind.

Turns out I’d got the wrong end of the stick about a virus and its some kind of malware. Day 3 and they’re still optimistic that they can clean it out.

Sadly we don’t have any super smart yet dorky Korean guys to save us 🙁

Second for Autoaid. I’ve had to call them out a few times over the years and never had an issue. As above they also cover your spouse for £61.50. They cover the person (or two people) rather than the car so covered if your driving another car.

Do whichever interests him the most although as others have said an engineering degree opens up other careers too.
I graduated many years ago with a civil engineering degree and now do structural engineering, I used to joke that I could stand in the middle of any town and shout that I was looking for a job and at least get an interview. I don’t think thats changed much over the years except in the middle of recessions. The pay is ok for a professional job but not exceptional. The work is varied, sometimes very frustrating sometimes really satisfying.
The comment above that much of the construction industry is long hours away from home may be more true for contracting but consulting can be 9-5 wherever you want if thats your preference. Also the progression doesn’t have to be to management if you pick your jobs carefully, I’m more than 25 years in and still do 90% technical work.
Also as mentioned look at degree apprenticeships if working appeals, not just in the big firms. In fact small firms may be more likely to take someone on early, with less than 15 employees we have 2 on HND apprenticeships and one just finished a day release MEng.

Isn’t the construction industry fun 🙂
Can you speak honestly to your boss and actually have them do something useful to help? I was in the same position as you a few years ago, close but not thinking I’d quite gone past breaking point and looking at a new industry, lower grade jobs. In the end I spoke to (mainly cried at) my boss and they shifted a whole load of extra workload away for a few months leaving me with more supervision and easier work. This got me back to being able to cope again as I’d just got so overwhelmed.
You say that will overload other people too much but they’ll end up with the work anyhow if you do end up signing off with stress or leave for another role. This way you can give them a gentle handover of the work.
I’ve had the same feelings start to come back in a more recent role because construction so often has unreasonable expectations. This time I nipped it in the bud straight away saying I needed assistance on the project or I’d be crumbling and my boss was great.
Obviously this only works if your boss isn’t an arse but if your thinking of leaving anyway its worth an honest conversation to see if they can do anything.

For feet I have some sheepskin slippers that are warmer than the north face thermoball ones that they replaced. However I can’t wear them with thick socks as my feet get colder due to reducing the circulation. Am planning on getting a second pair of slippers a size bigger for winter to fit the hiking socks in.

I also try not to get cold then try to warm up as no amount of layers and hugging radiators will work. Much better to add layers straight from waking up to keep the body heat in.

Exercising to get the body heat going again helps but even losing most of the layers I’ll sweat quickly so make sure that exercise is done in a separate layer of clothing which can be changed out of to get rid of the chill from slightly damp clothes.

If it was only a couple of weeks ago it might be the keyhole surgery not the gall bladder that is the issue. I had keyhole for an appendix and it seriously messed up my digestion and then caused an infection. After 3 weeks of bad stomachs a course of ridiculously strong antibiotics cleared things up. Worth seeing your doctor since everyone else seems to be saying that they were ok without a gall bladder.

“Those with kids do have experience of what life was like without them. Is there something factually incorrect with this statement? ”

I think it misses the difference in feelings between someone who wants children and just hasn’t had them yet and someone who never wants children.

Apparently when I was under 10 I announced that I didn’t want children when asked about growing up. I’m heading towards 50 and don’t want children. I’ve never felt the slightest broodiness when I’ve been given someone elses child.

As someone who wanted children you have no experience of how I feel as even before you had children I’m guessing you had some interest in them.

Through years of judgement I feel I ought to add a paragraph about how I’m not an unfeeling monster but I’m not going to because my feelings on having my own children don’t affect how I feel about anything else. It would be unfeeling to have a child because I’d “probably” love my own.

Whats the industry standard for your type of role? If you ever do choose to change jobs then its slightly more awkward if your on a longer notice period than the rest of your peers.

As Blackflag said above, if your not interested in having children and don’t have them you’ll probably not regret it. If you want children and have them you’ll probably not regret it. Those that either can’t have children and want them or are encouraged to have children when they don’t they are the ones that I feel for.

Also childfree people may sound defensive sometimes but I’ve had a lifetime of people telling me that I’ll regret my decision and sometimes it gets annoying. I’ll shortly be too old to have them and have no regrets.

Genuine comment from a person we’ve never met before (old work colleague) to me and my husband at my mother in laws funeral this year “I think your mums biggest regret was that she never had grandchildren” I mean WTF how did she think that was an appropriate thing to say to anyone.

“They should be liable for building defects for decades (10 years minor, 100 years structural) etc”

I’m going to really upset you now but the building structural design codes are only for a design life of 50 years. I’m not saying they won’t last for 100 years, most of them probably will with some repairs.

The brick slips I’ve seen used in factory built modular housing looked like they were pointed with a mortar.

They look like brick slips that are only about 15mm to 20mm thick usually, which are a lightweight alternative that can be attached to the internal bit of the wall rather than needing to be supported off the floor. It’s used a reasonable amount in high rise buildings and modular buildings.
Standard brick cavity wall can only be built about 3 storeys high before it needs another support off the frame for the next two or three storeys.

From another female perspective the most important thing is to do what is right for you and your partner. You really need to talk through your feelings and the practical side of how you would share childcare. Also what would happen to your partners body both with having the child or having a termination and the emotional impacts of both.
There is no right or wrong answer as long as its the one you both want.
From my point of view I’ve never been interested in having children and thankfully neither has my husband but the societal pressure has always been there “you’ll change your mind”, “you’ll regret it when your older” or my personal favourite “who’ll look after you in your old age” I’m now pretty much too old to have children and have no regrets but that is me, your decision is entirely between the two of you.

For single glazed windows when your renting or can’t get them double glazed I’ve used something like this before as its easily removable & better than nothing https://www.thesafetysupplycompany.co.uk/p/9461992/warmseal—double-glazing-insulation-film—secondary-glazing—90m-sq—ci-y80901.html?gclid=CjwKCAiAo4OQBhBBEiwA5KWu_7UWGCqM7_9lOQXgdduWhVNiA_FcUumLATOF9kGdPp9wHimNnwjLoBoC06QQAvD_BwE
(actually used cling film and sellotape as I was a student) More awkward on sash windows but left it so I could open the window a crack for ventilation in the winter then removed it in the summer when the windows would be fully opened.

In our office we all pick up the general phone number if it rings. Whenever one of the young guys in my office picks up the phone people always call him by my name, it doesn’t happen with anyone else. I’m not sure if I sound like a 20 year old man or he sounds like a middle aged woman.

Another one here for ruptured appendix, or more specifically when they tried to straighten me out of the foetal position to CT scan the abdomen to try to diagnose it. Apparently the scream travelled well.
Although an ear infection that eventually ruptured my ear drum comes pretty high up the list too so I can understand where the OP is coming from with tooth ache.

If it is more verbal bullying then do what you can to let her know that what they are saying isn’t true and that they are just saying anything to upset her. It’s amazing how well some of those bullying comments can get stuck in the head and you can start to believe them.

All the advise above from the teachers sounds good and its great that schools are a lot more involved nowadays.

Spen valley greenway is nice and tarmacked with no water nearby, this is where I started when I was nervous.
The trans Pennine trail is variable with some on roads but the section from Dodworth to RSPB Dearne Valley is if I remember correctly all off road on reasonable paths.
From Newmiller dam to Old Royston is nice & easy (except for the short sharp climb from the car park) it then goes along the disused Barnsley canal but the surfacing is reasonably good unlike some canals so may be ok. Similarly the canal around Stanley Ferry is well surfaced and has a wide path.
A bit further afield near Bakewell the Monsail trail is nice.

I don’t know if Bliss is a Troll but these people do exist. I have a friend from school who I now only see on facebook who believes in the Great Reset and that all of us who are vaccinated are going to die in the next 5 years amongst other things. Mainly she posts memes about how only they know what is going on and the rest of us are zombies or sheep for believing the lie. I believe she has a bubble of friends who support this and reinforce the idea in each other.

I’ve thought hard about whether to try and debate with her about why her ideas don’t make sense but everything I know about her and everything I’ve read about cognitive biases make me think it’s wouldn’t be a great idea as I’d probably just make her double down as our opinions are too far apart. So far I have just avoided talking about Covid on the basis that she’ll need some more sane friends again if she can climb out of this rabbit hole and I don’t want to alienate her.

The thing is I understand why she has been susceptible to these lies. The NHS failed a close family member when she was a child due to a missed diagnosis leading to a distrust of doctors. She has very little job security and no power over her surroundings. These charlatans have offered concrete answers and said that because she believes them she is special and given a group to belong to. Even at the same time as making her scared and angry that we don’t understand that she’s just trying to save us.

I’d love to make her understand that she is being taken in by a lie but have no idea how.

The best advice I got was set up a separate email address and get a phone number especially for online dating. That way if you find someone or choose to take a break you can easily switch off.
Then again I’m female so instantly got loads of replies, sounds like it may be tougher for men to get replies. In the end didn’t meet anyone through that but through a sporting club.

“The way I faced it was to take myself out of the situation and ask what would have changed. In your case the other driver would still have assumed the same intention from the bus driver and would have pulled out.”

Years ago, every morning on my way to work pulling out onto a busy road the bus stopped at the bus stop and this gave a gap in traffic. After months of this I saw the bus approaching the stop & pulled out to be hit by the bus doing 40mph, he’d probably not even indicated to say he was stopping. I don’t really know where I’m going with this other than that people in cars make stupid assumptions all the time without any help from anyone else. I got away with it unscathed, this lady didn’t.

I have also witnessed a car fatality right in front of me from a head on collision, talking to people was one thing that helped.

As above wood can be structural, it depends on what the construction of the rest of your house is.
– If you generally have brick and block walls and the one you want to remove is timber and the floor joists don’t sit on it your probably ok.
– If you have brick and block walls and the one you want to remove is block and the floor joists don’t sit on it your probably ok but there is a chance that wall is used for the overall stability of the house and you’ll need to leave a pier of masonry.
– If you have a timber framed house get an engineer in, anything could be structural including the bit of wall under the window and a wall that runs parallel to the floor joists.

(I sometimes design timber frame houses and do worry about people knocking out structural walls as they look the same as the none structural ones)