I’ve never posted on threads like this before; I don’t know why – maybe because I wouldn’t have anything to say that others couldn’t say better, I don’t know..
tom84 – you are not a horrible person; a horrible person wouldn’t recognise and acknowledge their feelings, let alone post on a forum in a way that suggests they want to change. If you haven’t already, do speak to someone, someone anonymous. In my last counselling sessions, I opened up about stuff that I thought made me a terrible person but my counsellor helped me accept my thought processes for what they are, and showed me that I’m not as bad a person as I thought.
Currently awaiting a referral for CBT after my recent counselling, as I’ve accepted that my spiralling suicidal thought are something that I can control and not something that I just need to accept as “just how I am”.
funkmasterp, I’m in a very similar position at work at the moment, and tbh have found that even just updating a CV and contacting recruiters has helped; even if I do nothing to actually change my situation, just taking steps to make me think I could feels positive.
Have struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts on and off for about 24 years now – have had counselling but never any medication as I’m scared of the side-effects. Next Friday is the 5-year anniversary of my other half’s younger brother stepping in front of a train, 8 years after their youngest brother died of cancer, so it’s a tough time for her, and why I feel like I can’t speak to her about my feelings. I have other people that say “You can always speak to me” but mostly I don’t as I don’t feel that close to them, or anyone.
I don’t know what the real point of this is, other than to say thanks to everyone on here who’s ever opened up and been honest. You’re all awesome. Hang in there.