The issue of failed marriages has reared its head on the forum today. I’m another.
When I started dating her, it didn’t feel quite right but we had fun and she was well fit, so I said “sod it – it’ll be OK.”
When she moved into my house, she instantly trashed it by filling it full of her junk and generally being a massive slob. But we had fun and she was well fit, so I said “sod it – it’ll be OK.”
When we got married, it was clear that she was a complicated and damaged person who relied on me massively. But we had fun and she was well fit, so I said “sod it – it’ll be OK.”
When we had kids, she struggled with any of the basics of parenting so I was working full time, paying all the bills, doing all of the domestic duties, trying to be a good dad, and making sure that she didn’t do mad neglectful shit (that she did from time to time). And we’d stopped having fun, and didn’t fancy each other any more, but I said “sod it – it’ll be OK”
Then I woke up one morning and thought “I hate this”. We went to counselling. But it was all my fault for “getting at her”. I left. And that first night I spent away from that miserable marriage, I felt nothing but relief.
I have the kids as often as she does so I can still make sure they are well looked after and loved.
But, through mortgages and kids, I am tied to her for the rest of my life.
My advice? If you have to say to yourself “sod it – it’ll be OK”, then it probably won’t be OK.