Thanks for the replies, I’ll keep an eye out for the suggestions and anything else that may be suitable.
If anyone knows of any others for sale or any other options, that would be great too.

Thanks

Havent been on here much lately for one reason and another so just seeing this now. I unfortunately have personal experience of all situations mentioned, none of it is easy by any means and nothing seems right. I’m more than happy to listen/chat/offer advice from my perspective and experiences if anyone wants to reach out.

@stevenmenmuir really sorry to hear about your friends daughter, my condolences go out to everyone involved. If you want to talk or ask anything, please give me a shout.

@countzero really sorry to hear about your partner, my condolences go out to you all. I remember having to tell the kids and the rest of the family vividly, one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Please get in touch when you’re ready if you need a chat or anything.

Thanks for a good night, was really good to see some faces. I came last place but got the kids related questions right 😂

Sorry I wasn’t visual for the whole thing, confidence and self esteem is completely shot between everything. Would definitely join in on another one though and try to be there for it all.

I was going to pop back on but liberty was pretty emotional as usual at bedtime and I thought it would have finished by the time I calmed her down and she settled off. Clearly not lol.

Kids enjoyed seeing you all too, I’m sure they’d be up for another cameo in a future call if that would be OK with everyone.

@nbt I’m happy for a screenshot to be put up (if I’m on there that is)

@MrOvershoot happy to help anyway I can, hope you’re doing OK at the moment.

@Muke please get in touch if you want or need to. I know we’ve briefly spoken previously but if you need a chat or anything please let me know.
This is an open invitation for anyone else too, saves tagging everyone and makes it easier this way.

This video I think has the best explanation of grief and its quite easy and simple to watch.

'You don't get over grief, you just learn to have it as part of your life.'
This analogy of how we deal with bereavement is spot on.#LikeMinds https://t.co/Cdg6GJk2dZ pic.twitter.com/jycDcdqJwH

— BBC iPlayer (@BBCiPlayer) August 9, 2018

It is generally said that there are 5 stages of grief.

Some people believe that the stages happen in a particular order and takes a certain timescale to complete the cycle. That is a load of crap, each person is different and time is not a factor for grief. I don’t think I’ve been ‘lucky enough’ to reach acceptance once in 2 and a half years. I live a constant battle bouncing between anger, depression, bargaining and isolation. This website clearly explains each stage.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief

Again, I hope everyone is doing as best as they can at the moment.

So sorry to hear about everyone’s losses, my condolences go out to you all. Going through it all again is really tough, especially when you haven’t been able to deal with the first lot of grief.

Grief is handled differently by everyone, but from people I’ve spoken to the feelings and experiences surrounding it are pretty similar for us all. Depression, anxiety, loss of confidence, low self esteem, lack of motivation, second guessing everything, hindsight is definitely a bitch, I tend to waffle about crap now too, etc.

I’ve been fairly open about it all here and in my blog, lots I haven’t said but I think there has to be a limit to it at some point. If anyone wants a chat, vent or anything please drop me a message. Whether it be emotional or practical, I’m happy to help if I can. I’m not an expert by any means, but can give my opinion and experience if it might help.

Sorry its been a while, its been a struggle the past couple of weeks. But I’m still here and lurking around.

Our wedding anniversary was on the 12th January so was another hurdle to get through. The third one without Lyanda and would have been our 13th. I’ve been a bit of an emotional wreck between everything. The funeral is now paid for, as are the flowers I managed to get made up from a local florist and some extra bits too. The headstone is being discussed, we have to decide what exactly we want (just headstone or borders too) and the wording. None of this can happen for a while though because the ground has to settle first. Thankyou again to you all for making this part of it a lot easier to deal with. I genuinely appreciate it all and not sure how I would have managed otherwise.

Looking forward, the next obstacle would be Lyanda’s birthday on the 20th of April. But Leon’s birthday is on the 6th of April, meaning that 2 week period is going to be pretty difficult from now on. I’m just thankful for the 3 kids here, it’s them that keep me going. As difficult as it all is and as irritated and frustrated as I get, they are the reason I get up every day and somehow battle through to the next one.

I hope you and your families are all keeping well and doing OK.

Pressure has risen to the red again. I’ve checked all the radiators and there’s no cold spots on them anywhere but they’re too hot to try bleeding again at the moment. Will try bleeding in an hour or so to see if any more air comes out.
I rang them up and explained what was happening and they said he’s booked for tomorrow anyway so if I still need the visit it will go ahead as planned.

Just finished bleeding them, they were pretty cool though. A fair bit of air in 2 of the radiators upstairs and it’s dropped to just above the green, around 2.1 on the gauge. Guessing the pump probably let some air in as suggested.
I’ve tapped the gauge a few times and still the same.
I’ve left the boiler on the setting the engineer put them at this morning, not on full but about 3/4. It was pressurised to 1.7 ish on the gauge.
Now the pressures released a bit I’ve just switched it back on. In that few minutes it’s raised back up to 2.4 on the gauge. Think it’s slowed down a little now but will keep an eye on it.

Nope, I’m still cursed. Whu I thought something might actually go smoothly for me I really don’t know. Within an hour of it being fixed this happened.

Switched it off over an hour ago and its still like it. The pin went down to the red and then raised back up to there again. They said they will be here in the morning to try and sort it out, so another cold evening for us all.

Engineer has just left, turns out the pump was knackered. Luckily he managed to source one locally and fitted it this morning. Boiler is working nicely at the moment and is trying to warm the house up from the fridge it became over the past few days. Temperature in the house the past couple of days was just under 7 degrees. At least that is now sorted. Thanks for all the replies and helpful suggestions.

I’ve gone through what I can from the suggestions, tha kyou very much to you all for them. It’s doing exactly the same and still won’t light. Thinking about it, it’s had low pressure since the last service and hasn’t seemed right. Before that service though it was really good and the house seemed to warm up a lot easier too.

When it happened earlier I was running the hot water in the kitchen and suddenly it went cold. Think I’ll wait til the morning and try and get hold of someone before I more than likely mess it up even more.

This is what the pressure gauge shows. Always been told by the service engineers as long as it’s in the green section it’s OK. Is that right?

Only pipe coming out of it is an open ended copper one out the back through the wall facing downwards, no plastic pipes or anything else anywhere.

Just tried it again and the flashing light is no longer flashing. It goes through the motions but still doesn’t do anything. But now the ignition symbol with a line through it light is now lit up red.

Vaillant turbo max Pro 28 according to the service record and was last serviced at the beginning of march 2020.

The funeral went well today. When I arrived at my Mum and Dads house for the procession there was a load of his friends the other side of the road that couldn’t attend the funeral due to covid restrictions. Was a really nice sight to see. Just wish it wasn’t for this reason.

I was a bearer along with 3 of his closest friends, nice but also difficult and emotional. But I wanted to do it. Seemed fitting, to not only be part of his journey into this world but I should be a part of him leaving it too. I then took pride of place in front of his grave to honour him in my own way. My Dad, his Grandad next to me. But it was really painful and hurt like mad. No parent should have to say goodbye to their children, and grandparents definitely shouldn’t. It started snowing as the service began and literally finished snowing as it was finishing. We talked about that afterwards, it was a bit freaky but we all took it as a nice sign.

Now for the unknown. Once all the practicalities are done, I’ll begin my grieving process all over again. But in a different way I guess. Not sure what impact losing my Son is going to have compared to losing my Wife? Especially when I haven’t managed to grieve properly for Lyanda yet because of everything that’s happened. But like has been said already, one step and one day at a time.

Thankyou all for your continued support and kind words. It all means so much to me and really helps me through the bad times I always seem to encounter.

@Sandwich so sorry to hear about your loss, I hope the funeral went well for you all too. My condolences to you all.

And @MrOvershoot I’m sure your thoughts were very honourable, thankyou. My colourful vocabulary is probably a lot worse.

I went to see him yesterday, felt completely numb and empty. A completely different feeling to when I went to see Lyanda. I felt like I needed to see him, knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. Told him I love him and wished I was there for him, but that I’d see him again one day. So many questions running through my head I know I won’t get answers to. He looked so peaceful, whatever pain he was in is no longer there. Didn’t really sleep last night either. Funeral is tomorrow. Trying desperately to occupy myself today but it’s not working so far.

It’s been a tough week or so, still struggling to get my head around it and trying to come to terms with the fact I’ll never see him again. It really hurts.

It’s been a busy few days, lots of phone calls and trying to arrange things. Not been easy at all but everything is getting there now. So many things to take into consideration because of covid too. Got a florist coming to see me today who says she will do what she can with what she has to get some flowers to me on Friday.

Also managed to get a video link to my Mum who’s been in hospital the past 8 weeks, she has MS and is on her final remission. She can’t move at all, can only just move her head and can barely talk. But her mind is still brilliant. Found out a few weeks ago she has 2 broken hips. This is an old injury that hasn’t healed apparently and has explained why she’s been in so much pain. We think it was from being in a care home for a month about 18 months ago when Dad had an operation on his back. A few weeks ago we found out they dropped her out of the sling and she landed on the floor which could have easily caused it. Now she has brittle bones too and still in a lot of pain. There’s no way she can attend but understandably wants to be part of the funeral.

I’m going to see him tomorrow, not how I wanted to but I need to for one last time. Funeral is being held on Saturday at 11am. I really didn’t expect to end 2020 with this news and begin 2021 with my sons funeral.

Thankyou again for all your support, it is all really appreciated.

Still looking for some charge spoons if anyone has them, can’t get them anywhere. I made the mistake of showing the kids and now they want them.

A blue/pink fading spoon and a purple/red fading spoon. Or any other spoons with similar colours. Asked about them on a thread a couple of weeks ago, had one or two possible leads for the different design ones but with what’s happened I haven’t chased them up. Not sure if I have a swap, but thought I’d ask if anyone has anything, hope no one minds.

@bearnecessities don’t want you worrying about that, I should have got in touch sooner, I’m sorry. It can be transferred whenever you want, the coroner is coming out tomorrow to discuss the arrangements for the funeral so it will probably all start happening quite quickly after that.

I just feel useless and overwhelmed with everything at the moment while trying to keep my chin up until I tell the others. Not something I’m looking forward to but I know it needs to be done.

Thanks again everyone. It’s been a horrendous few days, no sleep at all and a constant pounding migraine too. It’s not been easy trying to keep upbeat through it all for the sake of the kids. My birthday 2 days ago, daughters birthday today and Xmas too, it’s been a pretty emotional time all round.

But the picture I took and shared on the Happy Gnusmas thread is the sole reason I haven’t told them yet. Why risk their happiness at Xmas to not get pictures like that?

I’m not doing great, I’ll be honest, but that’s to be expected. I’m hanging in there and trying to do my best throughout it all. Will have to start the funeral arrangements after Xmas which need doing. Will keep you all updated as and when I can. Thankyou all again

Happy Gnusmas actually made me chuckle, thankyou. I saw the post early this morning but thought I’d wait to reply.

I just want to say a massive thankyou to all the STW staff, the STW community or as I refer to you all, my STW family for everything you have all done. Not only for us here over the years, but for everyone. Whether it be laughs and jokes or help and support, you have all always been there. I cannot imagine how things would be here today without you all in my life and for that I am eternally grateful. A festive photo of the mini gnusmases for you all as a token of thanks. Merry Christmas to you all, hope it’s a good one and that next year will be better all round for us all.

I just spent the last hour reading all your messages of kindness and support. I honestly can’t thank you all enough, they genuinely mean so much. Its a real struggle to read and type with tear filled eyes but now that the kids are in bed, I can stop trying to be ‘strong dad’ and let the floodgates open.

The others are struggling enough emotionally at the moment missing Mum leading up to Xmas. And my daughter wants Mummy to see her on her 8th birthday on Xmas day too which is really difficult for her to deal with. They don’t need any extra upset this close to Xmas so am trying to wait it out and tell them afterwards. It’s not easy at all though.

You have all been extremely generous with your donations, I am once more eternally grateful to each and every one of you. That’s not what it was about, I was just venting in extreme upset and heartbreak. The donations will definitely make things a lot easier to manage financially regarding the funeral etc, thankyou all so much. But it’s your replies again that mean so much to me.

It’s a struggle to understand how and why so much kindness and compassion has been given to us over the years. I personally don’t feel like I deserve it. Someone somewhere clearly hates me that much to keep adding to the stress and hardships I keep having to deal with. I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. But I know I have to carry on. Sometimes it really would be nice to live a little instead of existing as an emotionally stressed wreck.

I genuinely feel humbled to be part of this extraordinary and amazing family I am part of. I would love to do a round the UK tour with the kids during the summer holidays one year. Visiting places and having some fun, no agenda, just decide each day what we would be doing. Sounds good in theory but the practical side of it would be a nightmare I imagine. Mainly to make memories with them but also so I could try and meet as many of you as I could en route to thank you all personally for everything that you’ve done for us.

Thankyou so much again STW

Just getting this back to the front page, more poignant than ever for myself at the moment.

Please talk and keep safe everyone.

Haven’t read the comments yet but I will do. Thanks for all the replies you’ve given though, really appreciate them all.

It’s been a very emotional and heart wrenching day so far, struggling a fair bit with it all. The other kids are now in bed with a lot of hugs, so thought I’d do a quick reply. Haven’t found out much else so far as to why, but I have been given a copy of the last message he sent to his friends. It was a tough read, couldn’t stop crying after reading it. Lots of unanswered questions now though and unlikely to get any answers.

For **** sake. Come on world give the guy a break!

This. Very much this. Well and truly had enough is the biggest understatement ever. Still don’t know any more as to why, guess we’ll never know fully. I’m trying to keep strong, but I genuinely don’t know how much more I can handle. There’s only so much one person can take. It has been a full on horrendous 3 years. I would say 2021 can’t be much worse, but knowing my luck?

I’ll be honest, I’m not doing too good. Spent all morning in a numbing heart wrenching pain. It hurt like this when Lyanda passed away and I’m right back there again. On top of all the other crap we’ve been through this year, and covid on top, wasn’t expecting to end the year like this.

Then my birthday, daughter’s 8th birthday Xmas day, Xmas itself, it’s going to be an extremely tough week with this shadowing it all. Don’t know how I’m going to get through it all, already feel myself struggling. Still too early to know when the funeral will be. Who can attend? How many? Funeral costs. Aaarrgghhh! Haven’t been able to tell the other kids yet, not sure how they’d take it being this close to Xmas and emotionally struggling themselves. Might have to wait to tell them. FML! 😭

@13thfloormonk I showed the kids and in their words ‘it’s a bit too orangey’ lol. I think they would have loved it if it was more blue or purple like the stock photo above. Thanks for the offer though, and sorry.

@13thfloormonk if you’re not using it and willing to part with it, I’d definitely be interested. How much you looking for?

Thanks for the suggestions, will look into them. I’m now watching that one on ebay but think it’s going to go too high. I’ll message unit cycles too in the hope they have one.

Me and Lyanda had a limit which wasn’t stuck to very often. Although it was stuck to a lot more in recent years.
I was thinking of getting her a pottery course that year, thought maybe doing something like that would help with her dexterity as well as being a bit different. And fun, possibly.
From the kids we normally get a card and something they made in school. And I still get the token chocolate orange from them, one for my birthday and one for Xmas 2 days later.

So, looking for a new family car in the next 12 months, but as my eldest is about to stop needing any form of booster, middle child is already in a backless booster and smallest about to move into a high backed booster, I was hoping to get a standard “car” rather than an MPV or SUV.

We’ve had a range of people carriers and cars due to being a large family before our circumstances changed. Similar to yourself, we don’t need a people carrier anymore. Although we did manage to shoehorn myself and 4 children into the gnusmobile (a yaris) which was pretty entertaining so anything is possible.

Not sure about other year mondeos, but I have a mk3 mondeo estate and that’s the set up I had in the back. Width of the booster and high back will make a big difference too. We bought recaro high back boosters a few years back as they were the narrowest seats we could find at the time. Currently have one child in a recaro high back and one child in a graco booster with enough room in the middle for another child. Plenty of leg room in the back too and a decent boot. Seem to be pretty straight forward to work on too as far as servicing is concerned.

I’ve given the fridge another clean and mopped all the water up so should it will be fine for a few weeks til new year now, fingers crossed. While I was doing that, if you’re ready for this, the washing machine made a hell of a bang. Then I had to go to the other side of the house because the noise was so bad while it was spinning. I’m sitting here laughing, not that it’s funny, but it’s just my sodding luck. You honestly couldn’t make this up, no one would believe it.

I’ve got some clippers, not great ones but they work. Never thought of that at the time. As time’s gone on I thought I’d see what it would look like after a year. My hair is pretty wavy so it’s got a mind of its own. The kids like it and prefer it this way, not sure if they’d forgive me if I suddenly hacked it all off.

All, can I suggest a bit of caution here… Gnus has stated that he doesnt want a fundraiser. He came on here to talk to friends and let off some steam. If, when he does that, someone sets up a GoFundMe then you may well find that he stops posting, which would be a bad thing.

I genuinely appreciate the sentiment, the thought, the gestures, the offers and all the support I’ve had from everyone over the past few years. Everyone has gone above and beyond any expectation, not that I had any, when I first joined STW all those years ago. All of you are like family to me.

It’s not that I want to be ungrateful, that is far from it. Yes, it would probably be a massive help and yes, it would solve the problem I currently have. But, I don’t want to become ‘the STW charity case’ that everyone groans at every time I start a thread. It’s a pretty fine line to be on and I don’t want to cross it. I know people don’t have to read what I say and that’s fine, but I really don’t want to alienate myself from anyone if that’s what people start thinking.

I am extremely grateful for everything that’s already been done for us all. I’ve even over time begun accepting help, whether it be emotional or physical, thanks to you all. That’s not something I easily do and still find difficult. I’d rather help others if I’m able. I’m not saying I won’t accept help in the future if I needed it, I’ll try my best to do that if and when the time comes. I think It’s different someone offering something they already have that they don’t want or need rather than actual money, that’s the way I look at it.

I will keep posting though, hopefully venting less and more general posts. Even happier and cheery ones, who knows? I hope I don’t offend anyone with this, that’s not my intention. Just trying to explain (probably badly) what’s going on inside my head about it all.

Just realised I never replied to this thread, my apologies.

When I first posted this I didn’t read the replies for about a week. Worried what the replies would be and how everyone might react. I’ve spent many days and nights just thinking what would I do or say if he turned up here again or if I saw him out and about. Honestly, I can’t get past what he’s actually said and done. How bad the outcome could have been for all of us because of his lies. Not just towards myself but to the other kids and the continuing effect it’s had on them all.

Seeing as he’s blocked all contact with me and I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing, I can’t get in touch with him even if I wanted to. But everyone, yet again, seems to have backed up everything I was already thinking. I am going to leave him to his own devices, he’s made his decisions as far as I’m concerned. In the distant future, who knows, but for the time being I will be concentrating on the other 3 kids and myself to try and better our home environment (other issues and problems hopefully will allow this). Now to try and get on with the next chapter whatever that throws at me. Thanks again for all your views, input and support.

@MrOvershoot hope you’re doing OK through all this. It’s not easy at all, my thoughts go out to you too. If you can get to Carmarthen and you don’t mind 3 kids running around you’d be more than welcome to join our sombre widow Xmas.

This thread isn’t about getting anything from anyone. So much has been done for us all already physically, and emotionally more than you could imagine, I’m not here to take advantage of anyone. While I appreciate the thought and offers, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I was just venting at the annoyance of it all. Just another thing to add to the list of crap I’m dealing with. I think everything that’s happened has caught up with me and this just tipped me over the edge. After yet another night of no sleep and comforting kids that are emotionally wrecked too, it’s just another battle. Thanks again though, I still genuinely and honestly appreciate it all.

To rub more salt in the wounds, I had this email from curry’s this morning. Honestly, can’t they just update their system and realise they’ve already cancelled the order? I did have a slight giggle at the nerve of it though.

Thanks for all the support and messages, really appreciated.

First, I understand some people might be new and don’t know what’s been happening with me so no problem there. I’m constantly surprised that so many of you do actually remember it all. Either you’ve all been touched by everything or I post about it way too often. But everyone has their own struggles too which can be massive to them regardless of how big or small they are to everyone else. I hope everyone is doing OK, especially after the crap year we’ve all had.

The white goods I have at the moment came from AO about 5 years ago, Lyanda chose them all and they all match in make and a nice graphite colour. Remember a conversation about it at the time where she said it was a woman thing. My intention was to start sorting stuff out next year and replace or repair in priority order over the year. I only went for this particular one as it was a really good price and solved 2 of the 4 problems in one hit. Everything is just about functioning, regardless of leaks, creaks, noises, rumbles and smells. I might as well persevere with what I have til next year and stick to the original plan. I think this is probably the best way to go about it, now that I’ve had some time to think about it. But I will definitely be avoiding curry’s.

I’m more annoyed at the way everything has happened than the actual fridge freezer itself, even though that is part of it. I have enough to do trying to sort Liberty’s birthday on Xmas day and Xmas itself without adding any extra worry or hassle to it.

I’ve also got a friend and his 2 children coming round for Xmas, he lost his partner earlier this year but not due to covid. I remember how crap the first Xmas was not knowing what to expect. Not that it’s got any better, but I know more what to expect now. Just thought it would help them out on their first Xmas and to also be around someone who understands might be beneficial.

Thanks again for all your input. And gnusmas, Samsung or any other spelling of it is fine by me. It’s quite entertaining to see the different ways it gets spelt.

I guess the first question is, is that actually your business and then regardless of your answer just delete :).

I haven’t got a business and don’t sell anything. It came through the contact section of the blog I’ve been doing about my journey as a widowed father.

She doesn’t any more 🤷‍♂️

IGMC

Thanks, I’ll check them out.

No mrs_oab doesn’t get to see the breakdown in ‘hobbies and pastimes’ under the ‘cycling’ or ‘outdoor kit’ tags… 😳

@matt_outandabout that bad? 😂

Pretty sure I’ve been more active this week but only a smidge off on today’s weigh in 🤷‍♂️