Yes, always. I’ve mentioned it a few times on other threads that I always feel I’m failing or not doing enough for them

Kids are very strange creatures as I have found out having dealt with them within grief for a few years now. They are very resilient and will jump from one emotion to the other with no warning. I was not prepared in the slightest for them to go from bawling their eyes out one second to happily playing the next. It made me think they didn’t understand what I was saying but realised they will process information differently to an adult and can probably only do a bit at a time. The kids were 9, 5 and 3 when their mum (my wife) passed away and I was dropped in the middle of all the turmoil with no idea of what to do or how to do anything. I was able to explain to my 9 year old reasonably well and my 3 year old was too young to understand what was going on. However my 5 year old was in the awkward bit in the middle, knowing but not fully understanding what had happened or was going on.

I just tried to explain to them all individually in a way they would understand and it worked as well as it could under the circumstances. From my experiences, I wouldn’t be too blunt but try to explain it in simple terms they might understand and let them ask questions. I found it easier to be guided by them so they don’t have too much to take in at once. 6 years on and i’m still getting questions from them all as they grow up and understand things a bit more. There are some really good books to help with this too, some have activity pages to help them write about things too. They’ve all got memory boxes too that they’ve put things in and still add to it from time to time, drawings, pictures, pebbles etc, anything they want to put in there really. I don’t have anything to do with these though unless they want to show me something, it’s theirs and helps them to deal with and understand their grief journey.

I’ve lost my wife, eldest son, mum and 7 other family members over the past 6 years and each grief is very different to the rest of them. Not that I would wish it on anyone but it would have been nice to have been able to speak to someone who was in a similar position that had gone through it so I could turn to and ask questions whenever something cropped up. I was writing a blog about my journey with grief but couldn’t afford to keep it going but it is a journey for sure. This is part of what i wrote after telling them that day:

Then, that afternoon came the awful task. The hardest thing I would ever have to do. I would have to tell the kids. Somehow I managed this. Lots of tears, howling, hugs and not understanding. I explained to our 9 and 5 year old that mummy is now a star in the sky. That evening they all waited until it was dark so they could see mummy. They wanted to see her and to say goodnight to her.

We all stayed outside until 1:30 in the morning. Then came what i can only describe as the perfect ending to worst and most difficult day I had ever encountered. Our 5 year old daughter then looked up and saw an extremely bright star. Then she simply said “look daddy, there’s mummy. The brightest star in the sky”

Since then, every night we all go outside to see mummy. It seems to be our way of coping together. But each day is long. Each day is lonely. I have the kids, which is a help. But it’s not the same.

They still do it now but not every night. They do take some comfort that they can look up and see mummy anytime they want to so this has definitely been the best thing for them as they’re growing up. When my eldest son passed away followed by my mum shortly afterwards, they were having conversations with me where they were asking if they all shining together and were they fighting to be the brightest one so we could see them all etc. The conversations aren’t always sad, sometimes they can be happy and fun ones too.

Images don’t seem to work so these are the codes and descriptions of the faults

P0490:00-AE EGR (Exhaust Gas Recirculation) A Control Circuit High
Continuous Memory DTCs

P0691:00-6E Fan 1 Control Circuit Voltage Low
Continuous Memory DTCs

P1204:00-2E Injector Circuit Open/Shorted – Cylinder #4
Continuous Memory DTCs

P0490:00-AE EGR (Exhaust Gas Recirculation) A Control Circuit High
Snapshot Data

P0691:00-6E Fan 1 Control Circuit Voltage Low
Snapshot Data

P1204:00-2E Injector Circuit Open/Shorted – Cylinder #4
Snapshot Data

P0490 EGR (Exhaust Gas Recirculation) A Control Circuit High
Freeze Frame Mode 2

Firstly can I thank you all for still thinking of us after all this time, it really does mean a lot to me. Although I do feel like a bad person as I should be keeping in touch more but it’s a struggle to just get through the days most of the time. I apologise to you all for this.

Not sure if I should be saying the truth as at the moment things are pretty dire if I’m perfectly honest. But I’m usually upfront and honest about things so here goes I guess.

TL:DR probably easier to just put me down

I started a thread about 2 years ago saying I was going to give up smoking. I made the decision to go cold turkey instead of vapes, possibly harder to do but I didn’t fancy vaping. Despite some pretty major setbacks along the way where I have really wanted to have one, I am still not smoking. Suppose there has to be a positive in here somewhere lol.

I have also had a course of therapy which was very helpful and made me think in different ways and has also given new perspectives on things. A lovely person to talk to and I would definitely recommend it, hopefully I’ll be able to have some more sessions at some point if I can. But it did unlock more things from my younger years I didn’t realise was a contributing factor or an issue. I was told we’ve probably covered the tip of the iceberg but there’s a lot still to get through. So still plenty of internal work to get through and stuff to sort out in my head.

Kids are OK in their own ways but are having difficulties with things as they’re getting older and understanding more.

Phoenix is now 15 and having counselling in school. He’s declared to them he’s feeling very low all of the time and had been having thoughts of not wanting to exist anymore. The majority of his friends have stopped speaking to him for whatever reason and he’s also stopped the activities he was doing after school too.

Liberty is 11 now and has had numerous issues with her being bullied and abandoned by friends in school. Seem to sort one thing out and something else takes over instead.

Shelby is 9 in a few days and I had to change schools for him last year. He wasn’t getting on at all with the old school and the teachers didn’t seem to be trying to engage with him either. Within 2 weeks of being in the new school they asked if they could put in a referral to test for autism. So we’re currently waiting on that diagnosis. But he’s now doing ok in this school and they’re very helpful and supportive which is definitely a massive help to him.

Now I have 3 children in 3 different schools which is a challenge in itself at times but it’s manageable for the time being. Liberty goes up to secondary school with Phoenix in September which will make that bit a little easier again.

Wish I could do more for them all and take their worries, struggles and pains away. But there’s only so much I can do and I’m pretty burnt out as it is.

The relationship I was in ended last year too. I found out she was messaging and sending pictures to someone else and attempting to arrange all sorts. I was informed by the blokes wife who found it all on his phone. So yeah, that was nice to have happen.

Backstory – About 6 years ago (shortly after lyanda passed away) I tried going for a spin on my bike to clear my head. 5 mins in to it as I was going through town, a van pulled out in front of me. I jumped off the bike and out of the way but landed really awkwardly. As I landed I pulled my bike out of the way and the van hit my handlebar so definitely could have been a lot worse. I could hardly move or walk for a few weeks after it.

Since then, my back gives out at random times, lasts a week or two and then eases off again. In January it went again and hasn’t gone since. Doctor suspects I have a pretty severe case of sciatica as my right leg is numb to the knee as well. A referral for an MRI has been sent and has been chased up but I’m still waiting.

My right ankle is in tremendous pain from where I tore a ligament 8 years ago and my right knee is pretty painful too from a serious infection around 3 years ago. All of this is in the right leg along with the numbness. Because I’ve been compensating for the pain by putting more weight on my left side the past few years, I’m now getting shooting pains from my left ankle and knee and they continually crack too. So the past few months I’ve been walking with a hiking pole just to be able to manage the school run, which is not a long distance at all.

Between stopping smoking and snacking more to compensate, and comfort eating (anxiety, severe depression and boredom) I have unfortunately piled on the weight. This isn’t helping my joints, but to help them I need to exercise which I can’t as it’s too painful. I’m stuck in a vicious little circle. I’ve made an appointment with an osteopath and my initial visit has just been, she is hopeful I’ll be able to at least function like I used to but fear as its been so long there will be some elements unable to be sorted properly. But I will have specific exercises to hopefully keep it at bay once some magic has been worked.

There’s now been 9 close family losses with in the past 6 years, the tenth could be imminent too we fear due to old age and recent health scares. I’m pretty sure I would win that particular round of top trumps.

During this whole time, I think I’ve been to hell and half way back in my head and most of the way there physically too. As I’ve not been able to do anything much with everything going on, I am the unfittest I think I’ve been and it’s made me think a lot about things.

I’m now seriously considering splitting and selling my bike/parts and trying to save up for an ebike. I’m hoping this will allow me to be able to get out and ride in less pain and being able to manage it easier I’m hoping would motivate me to want to get out more. The kids all love to ride so would be great to be able to have that time together as well as time for me too while they’re in school.

But due to having to go through a DRO last year thanks to the cost of living crisis I’ve lost my PayPal account, so selling anything easily will be a nightmare as most people understandably use this for payments due to protection. And as my information is on file with them I can’t open another account either. I know some things are smaller and insignificant issues, but they all add up and become bigger things along side everything else.

I have however got a new (to me) car after my thread seeking advice and opinions on it last year. It’s a bigger car so much more room inside and a lot easier to get in and out of. That is definitely a help whenever we go out somewhere. And while it cost a chunk of money to get it through the MOT last month, at least it’s done now for another year.

Didn’t want to have this long a reply but I think I’ve covered pretty much everything. Although I’m guaranteed to have forgotten or missed something out. The past few months/years have been pretty difficult emotionally, mentally and physically. But I’m still here.

Again, I really appreciate everyone asking and I’m sorry it’s not all as positive as I hoped it would be by now.

I’ve tried bepanthen before but wasn’t great for me, the old preperation h gel was good but they changed the formula so apparently isn’t as good anymore. Haven’t used tattoo goo though so can’t comment on that or compare it. When i had my tattoo on my forearm the tattooist recommended hustle butter, they changed from selling tattoo goo to this as they said it is a lot kinder and better at aiding healing.

Hustle Butter

I had no issues with the hustle butter, used it when i needed it and think it was better than the other things i used. It smells really nice too lol.

I still do what I can to make it as best as possible for the kids but outside of that not really. Not overly fussed after everything that’s happened over the past few years and trying to hold it all together for everyone else. Liberty’s birthday is on Xmas day too so we have Xmas on the 24th here and my birthday is the 23rd so that is now our Xmas eve. Been told for a while that my birthday isn’t important as it’s pretty much Xmas, so nothing ever happens for it anyway and I’m used to that now. So yeah……….. 

Phoenix is 15 and all he wants is lego, none of the big sets he would really like though. 

Liberty will be 11 on Xmas day so a double whammy there, she wants random cute and anime stuff and clothes

Shelby is 8 and he wants dinosaur, sonic the hedgehog and sensory related items.

They’ll be getting what I can get for them, doing what I can but nothing major or out of the ordinary

Here is Shelby, now 8, finally getting his wish of nearly 4 years of using a mini chainsaw to cut wood, he absolutely loved it. In all fairness he helped load 3 wheelbarrows full and stacked the wood afterwards too. Thank you @Ambrose for helping make this happen, we all had a really good and enjoyable afternoon.

Apart from some bits for the car that would make future journeys with us all a lot easier, I don’t want anything. I just get by with what I got and I’m hoping to get the car bits from a scrap yard/Ebay etc next year at some point. All I do want is to get Xmas sorted for the kids and get it all out of the way, it’s pretty stressful.

@Ambrose you around tomorrow or Sunday? I’ll drop you a message

@maccruiskeen he’s obsessed with most thing wood related so he’d be chuffed with that. And snails too lol

@tthew well remembered lol. Although he only turned 8 in May so would have been around 5 or 6 at that point I’m guessing and had been asking for a while by then.

He’s been wanting one for a few years now and a leaf blower too. When I explained we didn’t have any trees to do anything with he then wanted a forest as well 😂

Firstly, can I thank you all for your generous words and kindness, I appreciate everything that’s been said. I’m still knocking around, just can’t bring myself to do or say anything but will try to be more active in my presence.

@tjagain was awesome to have you here, glad I could help in a small way.

@StuF I appreciate the offer, thankyou. I have a meeting with the school on Tuesday about it all so I’ll see what happens with that first.

@wheelsonfire1 didn’t mean to make you feel bad over the past few months, I’ve genuinely not been in the best of places and completely shut down from absolutely everyone so please don’t feel bad. I really appreciate you emailing and checking in though, thanks for all that. And my profile pic on STW is of that very animal, thought it would be apt lol

@Cougar I have been to the docs, I’m on meds for chronic depression, also developed extreme anxiety too. The other things I mentioned are in addition so a lot to sort out and work through.

@MrOvershoot I’m sure you’re doing better than you think, we are our own worst critics. Please get in touch as soon as you’re able to, hope you’re doing OK

@Ambrose awesome, thankyou. Once I’ve fixed the car and stopped it doing what it shouldn’t be doing I’ll sort out popping over to you.

@swdan not long seen it and I’ve just replied, thankyou

@grahamt1980 and @sturmeyarcher really appreciate the offers, thankyou. It’s in a rock climbing centre and all they’ve said is they need harnesses, belay devices, chalk bags, shoes and anything else that they would need for a rock climbing centre I guess lol

I’m not trying to leave anyone out by not replying individually, I apologise if I offend anyone by not doing that. Just trying to answer some of the questions asked and specific things said.

I do hope one day to be able to meet as many of you as I can, on or off the trails. That is definitely something I would love to be able to do. Again, a massive thankyou to you all, you are all amazing.

After much looking because of similar issues you’ve mentioned I got these for my daughters bike. Does the job nicely if you’re only putting a single ring up front, I put a narrow wide ring on and all is good. Square BB though so would need to change that.

Jet BMX Square Taper Race Cranks

You’re presumably slightly wealthier. How much were you spending on fags / tobacco per day, multiplied by five weeks?

1 50g pouch of tobacco would last about 2 weeks, so about £60 per month not being spent on that now. Not seeing it though if I’m honest as it’s just being swallowed up by other bills that are rising. But it’s nice knowing I don’t need to buy that anymore so better off in that way at least.

Chewing gum might help with oral fixations. Fruit? Better than cake.

Yeah, might have to do that. Switched to spearmint polo’s at the moment trying to ease off the snacks, they’re really nice lol

@aide I never thought I could do it as it’s always been my stress relief so smoked a fair bit the past few years. It’s definitely doable, just give it a shot if that’s what you want to do and see how it goes

@chewkw think a lot of it is the kids for me, that was my main motivation for doing this. Managed without any nicotine replacement things though so I’m pleased about that.

Just seen this now, thanks for checking in, really appreciate it.

It’s going OK, as far as the smoking goes anyway. It’s 5 weeks now and still haven’t had one so I’m hoping that’s it now.
Wouldn’t say I still feel any different as such, there probably are differences but don’t really notice anything yet. I’m sure I will with my breathing etc while doing stuff though.

I’ve unfortunately begun snacking again so somehow need to knock that on the head next and lose some more weight, but that’s always been a general thing anyway. One step and one thing at a time I guess.

Don’t drink much at all if I’m honest. Had a couple of drinks at Easter, before that was new year, before that was the start of lockdown.
Guess there’s a bonus to being stuck in the house every night, gets a bit boring having a drink by yourself after a while.

It’s been 2 weeks since I spontaneously decided to try and give up smoking so here is the latest update.

I’d decided to try and do this cold turkey, not easy at all after over 15 years of smoking. No vapes, patches, gum or anything else to replace the nicotine, just will power. The first few days were pretty tough, really missed the morning fag and post food fags. Surprisingly missed the habit of doing it more than the nicotine itself I think.

But I haven’t given in to it and I’m pleased to say I haven’t had one or succumbed to any alternatives. I know it’s still early days and anything could happen but at this moment in time it’s going pretty well. Haven’t felt any differences as yet apart from my breathing in the morning is better. Only downside is some extra snacking which I kind of expected so that will have to be the next step I guess.

This is morning 3, as far as updates go all I can say is I still haven’t had a fag. Yes, the want is there but so far I’ve been managing to not have any. Still going cold turkey, rightly or wrongly.
Like has been mentioned it’s the morning one and having one after food. Although a lot of it is in the evening when I’m home by myself and they’re all in bed. Sounds stupid but that’s the truth, think it’s been something to do to help pass the time. Desperately trying not to fill that void with food again.

Wow, wasn’t expecting this sort of response but thankyou all for your replies. Will reread them again and answer any specific questions if I can. I was going to post again last night but thought I’d do one fresh the first morning instead.

Guess context is useful. Been smoking for around 15 years and had between 12 and 18 per day, depending on the day. When everything began happening a few years back I’m sure at one point I was easily on 40+ a day but that was then, as time has gone on since I’ve dropped back down.

Woke up this morning and had my cuppa and no fag. Got them all ready for school then didn’t have a fag. Took them to school and I’m now home, made myself a cuppa and I’m sitting here typing this with no fag. I know its only the first morning but by now I’d have probably had 3 already. Think it’s the habit of doing it that’s going to be the hardest bit initially, already feels a bit weird not doing that. Fingers crossed they all come home in a better mood then they went in to make it a little bit less stressful tonight.

No idea on usage as haven’t checked but was paying £140 per month for gas and electric. Raised it to £200 per month a few months back and that’s been difficult to manage.
They want £289 per month the last I checked a few weeks ago and that’s before the next lot of price hikes. Really struggling to afford it now let alone what’s to come.
Honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.
I’m really worried and really scared.

Thanks for the replies, really appreciate them. Plumber came out yesterday morning at just gone 9 and tracked down what the problem was. A washer on the inlet for the toilet had split and was constantly releasing water. A bloody washer caused all of this. The dripping finally stopped last night so don’t think there’s anything else but he said he’d be back tomorrow or Friday to double check and make sure all is OK.

6 black bags and 10 recycling bags worth of stuff gone. Managed to salvage a handful of things but that was it. Really disheartening when you try to get ahead by getting Xmas and birthday stuff on and off when it’s in offer throughout the year to ease the pressure at the time.

A load of pictures gone, hoping I can replace some of them if I can get them off the old hard drives. But prints are all lost, completely water damaged, ripped and frames split apart. Things that can’t be replaced are a limited number print of a mk1 escort my mum and dad got me for my 21st birthday, the signed jennride one from a few years back and a few canvases too. Also lost a lot of Lyanda’s things that were in there for safe keeping. Curtains, rugs, winter coats, bike stuff all properly mouldy so just binned them, I just got so emotionally frustrated with it all by that point I just gave up.

I did use this as a lesson for the kids though when I showed them, they couldn’t believe what caused all the damage. I told them to always remember that something very small can cause a massive impact. And if its not a good thing it can create a lot of damage. Tried to get them to understand that it applies to everything they’ll do throughout their life.

Came here from bikeradar after looking for advice around 2004. Had a different username then but lost access to it so set this one up instead a few years later. Been here ever since.
My wife described herself as an STW widow because I always seemed to be on here. Has to be some irony in that somewhere.

I for one definitely would miss STW. I enjoy the articles, learning new things and finding out about different things too. I do have a read through the magazine as well when it turns up although tend to check the website more if I’m honest.

As far as the forum goes, this community has been such a big part of my life and has had a major impact on me personally. Honestly don’t know where I’d be now if I didn’t have this as an outlet. Even if I don’t post for a while I’m usually lurking. Have spoken to a lot of people I wouldn’t ordinarily have had the opportunity to, met some and have become friends with a few too. It’s such a diverse community with many different backgrounds, abilities and strengths.

I’m pleased and proud to be a small part of what STW have accomplished and hope it continues for a long time.

No one is the honest simple answer.

I’ve had so much happen and going on I don’t want to burden anyone else with my issues so just try my best to get on with things. And I think people just switch off after a while.

I have however vented and offloaded here and have had and still get a tremendous amount of support. I’ve found that helps a great deal. Try not to do it as much now though as I’m sure most people have had enough of my doom and gloom by now. But pretty much everyone knows everything by now anyway.

But that being said, I do have a lot of people talk to me and I offer advice and help if I can in any way. I’m happy to listen if you need a chat or vent or whatever. And like I’ve said before, that’s open to anyone else too.

Putting something on here and reading the brilliant advice and comments really helps in difficult times

Yeah, definitely understand what you mean. My life has been turned upside down several times over the past few years. Been through some pretty horrendous and very dark times, still am if I’m honest, but there’s always someone willing to listen and offer advice. I’ve posted on here numerous times, mainly to vent, but had some wonderful replies from lots of amazing people. And if you need or want to chat or vent or whatever, please message me.

Can definitely appreciate and understand what you’re saying though. It’s not just a community, it’s become like a family to me.

Definitely llys y fran, was there last week for the first time with my eldest, wanted to check it out before taking the younger two. Will be taking everyone on Thursday this week, it’s a lovely place.

Really sorry for your loss, my condolences go out to you all.

Not sure what thread you’re referring to I’m sorry so can’t help there. But from my experience I couldn’t face it at all. I spoke to the person doing the service who was a friend and he said he’d say it for me if I preferred, so that’s what we did. Knowing it was being done this way eased a lot of pressure for me and could spend a couple of days writing it as opposed to stressing over it. He explained at the service that I wanted to say something but I couldn’t face doing it and he read my words for me.

If you want to chat or vent or whatever, please message me. Can try and give you advice from my experiences at the very least

@Ambrose if you fancy it and are free then yes, please pop along. Think they’re meeting at 11 ish down there and leaving at around 4 but we’ll be in the car so not fixed to those times.

Thanks for all the replies, really appreciate them all. Makes a nice change for me to have some nice replies too instead of replying to my doom and gloom all the time.

@bigblackshed haven’t got one. Since my pretty severe infection last year I’ve lost around 5 stone in weight so the ones I had were way too big so got rid of them. The one phoenix is wearing in the photo is my very first riding jacket (from 20 odd years ago I think) which is still a bit on the tight side. I let him wear it as his jacket is a thicker one and didn’t want him to struggle so just chucked a hoodie on myself.

The thought to sell the bike is still knocking around in my head I’m sorry to say. The plan was (and still is I guess) to rebuild my stiffee for this very reason. But I have a mish mash of drive chain parts that aren’t compatible with each other unfortunately and couldn’t make it work in time so grabbed the Aeris, checked it over and off we went. I think the Aeris is a bit overkill for bimbling around with the kids though. I’d like to think I could cope with everything and make it all work as it was a lot of fun today, we’ll see how that goes though.

We will be back there soon though, on the 4th of August to be precise. Phoenix is there with his youth group for a biking trip so thought I’d take him over with his bike and the rest of us can go and enjoy too with our bikes. Not sure if we’ll manage the whole route but definitely the shorter one and probably the pump track.

Finally, he’s gone 😂

Just dropped TJ off at Kidwelly to avoid the steep hills in this heat, now making his merry way onwards.

Was a pleasure to meet you and enjoyed our chats yesterday and this morning.

Happy trails and ride safe 👊

@esselgruntfuttock I’m 45

@wheelsonfire1 yeah I know what you mean. I’ve taken all the comments as excitement and something to look forward to. Hopefully I’ll be able to have some days out with them doing something and give them some enjoyment

Nowhere as usual, will be trying to keep the kids entertained locally which will be fun.
Did just about manage a few days just before Easter, they missed some school but it is what it is. Even that was a stretch and pretty stressful for me. Apart from that I can’t remember the last time we had a holiday.
Never been abroad either so wouldn’t know where to start even if I had the chance. Some of the holidays mentioned look and sound great though

Haven’t met any of them but would like to. They’ve sent stuff to me and the kids before which I posted on here, a nice surprise and extremely appreciated. Definitely a good bunch of people.

Struggling to read your responses and what’s been said, reread them a few times.
Really appreciate them all and will try and answer everything, sorry if its a lengthy reply and apologies if I miss anything out. .

Riding a bike has always been my go to thing to clear my head and to get away from it all. I was prevented (or stopped if you like) from doing this for years as ‘there was always something more important needing doing’ so a lot of it now is definitely a mental block. Then with everything that happened, it made everything a lot harder. But I’m still battling that mental thing of other things need doing that I seem to have been conditioned into.

Yes, this literally was a dream bike for me. Been wanting a Bird for a while so when the opportunity came I couldn’t believe my luck.

How far would selling it go to clear my debt, good question. It definitely wouldn’t clear it but splitting it would probably get more and on a really really good day I might halve my debts. Might be a bit optimistic with that though. On a not so good day, a third possibly.

I don’t have trails from the door unfortunately. Carmarthen is a short distance from Brechfa, Cwm Rhaeadr not much further and I’m on the end of the M4 for other trails. It’s all roads around me from the door.

I completely agree that the debt could well be a factor in my lack of motivation. Definitely other factors though but this is probably part of it. With the costs of everything rising too its pretty scary.

I still have my stiffee frame and wheels sitting in the garage, forks, drive train and brakes were given away a couple of years back to fellow forumites.

Maybe having another ride on it might ignite something, especially after all this time. Have to see about doing that possibly before making a final decision. Just have to make that happen. Although it might then backfire and have the question answered for me.

Do I have the feeling of not being worthy of such a nice bike? I’ve sat here today just looking at it while everything is going round in my head. Don’t think I deserve such a nice bike. At the time it was a very bittersweet win. My world got turned upside down and a few months later I end up with this bike. Again, could just be a mental thing around that as to why I’ve not ridden it?

Not sure if any of this helps or even matters but I’ve tried to answer what’s been said. I know ultimately its my choice and I need to work out what’s best, was just looking for more opinions on it and it has given me different things to think of and different ways to look at it. That’s not always a good thing though…..

Really sorry for everything you’re going through, can only imagine its not easy in the slightest and how its affecting you all. Hope you’re all doing as best as you can.

From a slightly different perspective though I do understand the over eating due to stress and day to day difficulties so can empathise with that to some degree.

I have always turned to food in difficult times, put on 6-7 stone in just over a year a few years ago. I couldn’t stop snacking as I was constantly stressed, depressed and found life extremely tough. Last year I found out I might be lactose intolerant, this forced me to change my eating habits. It’s still ongoing as there’s definitely more 5o it so trial and error stage now. But just cutting out everything that contained lactose or milk saw a nearly 5 stone weight loss in a year.

Don’t get me wrong, the depression is still rife, stress levels are still high and my mental state is still a mess. With 3 young kids to raise, I feel like I’m failing constantly and they deserve more, it’s literally them that keep me going each day. I’m far from where I should be. Having to deal with so much heartache in such a short period of time has really taken its toll.

But having to do that change has made a massive difference as far as my weight is concerned. I still struggle to motivate myself to do anything though, ironically started a thread on that last week.

All I would say is, from my past experience anyway, take each day as it comes. Don’t worry about the weight too much, you can remedy that when you’re able to. It’s taken nearly 4 years to get back close to where I was before. Just be there as best you can to love and support those around you and if you’re able to, take any break you can to recharge yourself. This is the important part. Having not had a break whatsoever in the past 8 years or so (the last 4 being by far the toughest), I know that’s the hardest thing for me.

Not sure if any of this helps or if it’s just waffle but thought I’d try to help if I could. If you need/want a chat, vent or anything please message me. Happy to chat, listen or help if I can in any way.

Sort of won it yes, good memory. I won the hope bundle on the dream bike competition Xmas 2018. When foxy rang me to discuss the prize, I broke down on the phone and after explaining everything he allowed me to get a bike to that value instead. Think it was partly to try and cheer me up a bit after everything that happened that year. He said I could add cash to a higher value bike, with birthday and Xmas money and some extra from parents and inlaws once I told them about it I got the aeris.

Sorry for your loss, condolences to you and the family.

A friends brother passed away recently, the entry song to the crem was enter sandman and exit song was I should be so lucky. Completely different ends of the scale as far as music tastes go but were his favourites.

I’ve always said I want to be cremated, everyone has to turn up in shorts and I want firestarter by the prodigy playing at the end

Congrats @MrOvershoot hope the retirement is as fulfilling as can be.
If you get too bored there’s 3 kids here that will keep you company……….

According to the FB group page everything is now open apart from the raven trail which is the black. They’re hoping to fully open the car park this week too apparently

Thanks for all the input and suggestions, really appreciate them all.

I’ve read over these replies several times which has meant I’ve yet to do anything productive, but I’ll try and implement some of the suggestions and see how it goes. While it doesn’t help me physically here, it’s nice in a way knowing it’s relatively normal and I’m not alone in being like this. Maybe we should all start a chub club style idea for getting things done 😂

Quite liking the podcast idea, I’ve never listened to one but sounds like they’re easy to listen to without being too much of a distraction.