Really personal question, but why?
Not at all, thanks for asking. I too have big respect for those that adopt and foster. There’s a lot of factors that make it different to, and potentially harder than, parenting your own child.
In the UK, it’s not like the 70s and before when children were regularly taken from birth mothers for no other reason than they weren’t married.
Nowadays, the courts view removing someones’ parental rights as up there with the most serious impingements of human rights that exist – akin to life sentence without parole. We also have free and comparatively easy access to abortions in the UK.
In practice, this means the vast majority of children in need of adoption will have been either removed from their parents under duress, because social workers have deemed the child to be in material danger (e.g. due to domestic abuse, sexual abuse or neglect), and/or because the mother is too affected by substance abuse and/or mental illness to care for her child. That brings with it not only the massive trauma of being removed from your birth mother, but also often foetal alcohol development syndrome, neonatal abstinence syndrome (=opiate withdrawal in newborns), impacts of malnutrition and elevated cortisol during pregnancy, etc etc.
It’s a lottery whether any of these issues affect the child, but statistics indicate they often do. I have recently undertaken the pre-adoption training offered by my local authority, which had a variety of opportunities to speak to adoptive parents. Two had good experiences, one said it had “in a way, ruined her life”, another told stories about locking herself in the bathroom to hide from her five-year old son because she was tired of him hitting her, one talked frankly about how they weren’t sure if they actually loved their adopted child.
You’re also signing up for ongoing engagement with the birth family, often mandated by court order (usually via letters , but could be meeting grandparents or parents themselves), with social workers, and maybe difficult conversations with schools on topics like “why did your child have a meltdown in today’s exercise about family trees/making mother’s day cards?“.
So yeah – huge respect for people that do it, but it’s not for everyone.