Lol @DrP, I was just rereading “The Narcissist Translator” and dictionary bit. I think that’s the bit I opened it at and realised I was a fool for being taken in by their manipulation

A friend of mine bought me “Becoming The Narcissist’s Nightmare” by Shahid a Arabi after I introduced her to a new friend (with benefits, I wasn’t pretty enough for gf “but alright in the dark”)
It helped me to understand that I was not the problem and how to manage their behaviour. He’s moved on to another victim (she’s young enough to be a trophy and naive enough to be manipulated) and I’ve been left with PTSD but I’m slowly untangling the damage they caused and can weather the digs they still take at me.

@DrP I’m glad to hear that you’ve managed to resolve this situation, kindness always disarms the narcissist as they can’t paint themselves as the victim and get the attention they desire. Well done and keep strong, your actions are admirable

What a horrible position to be in, have you got any formal access set up? It might be an idea to get something set up if she’s going to use your kids against you and it would give the kids some security as to when they’ll see you, rather than you being a convenient babysitter for when she has a date.
I hope it works out for you, it makes a change to see a guy wanting to spend quality time with their kids as all I get from my ex is excuses and my friends all have problems with theirs.

I love the hollow sound of tyres rolling across dry compacted soil, especially on the exit of a berm. I also love the smells (not dead shrew, that follows you for ages) of the woods and the moors, they change depending on the weather and the season

I’ve been watching Sabrina with my 12yr old, it’s not as twee as I remember from when I was a kid

I’m from Edinburgh and I would definitely recommend the Netherlands, Amsterdam in winter is gorgeous. I’d never experienced anything like it, the fireworks “display” over the canals is spectacular and their hospitality puts the Scots to shame. Don’t expect sleep

I like the Endura Humvee, they’re practical and don’t get waterlogged but you do need shorts or leggings on underneath as the seems are rough. They’re mtb specific and have a huge arse for a chamois pad so look a bit odd off the bike, hiking or soft shell over trousers with an *ankle fastening are also useful for other activities.

A hair bobble or a home made strap work just as well

I find that iron on patches never stay on long enough to wear out. I use old clothes to repair new ones and hand stitch as wonder web only lasts a wash or two

Haggis, neeps n’ tatties with a whisky and cream sauce.

Old fashioned

Maarja Nuut

Shhhh, don’t mention the “R” word. Race is social rather than a biological construct, in other words we just made it up to justify our power and prejudice. Structural racism is at the heart of our society as we have become so conditioned by it that we don’t even see it. Racism is more than just hate, it’s apathy, indifference, ignorance, power and privilege as all of these disadvantage people of colour; whether we intend to or not we have a responsibility to reduce the harm we cause.
This and other threads mentioned demonstrate white fragility, instead of accepting that POC have a different experience where micro-aggressions such as the incident the OP described occur daily, we become defensive saying that the complainant is the problem and is over sensitive to our jokes which reduce them to savages and animals. This pattern of discussion is so common it is predictable, the only way to diffuse the conversation is for the one calling racism to silence as the more they defend their position they become labeled as heretic; all debate usually does is re-enforce the racial hierarchy.
You may wonder what harm can be caused by using certain phrases, alluding to stereotypes or reclaiming words such as p*** because you used it without hate or malice but you people are colleagues, employers and friends who influence and make decisions that reflect and affect people negatively.
The comment the OP made may not have been intentionally offensive, but it may negatively influence their colleagues and may also infer indirectly that the person of colour is not competent or qualified to be in such a job.
It may seem a linguistic minefield where a misguided turn of phrase can cause offence but people of colour are used to this and admitting our ignorance opens up conversation and understanding.

👍 Ask her to give them a shout if she sees them, maybe a tinnie if it’s hot

They’ve cycled 9,000 miles, half way around the world! Their journey has been amazing, from beautiful sights to awesome people who have helped them on their way. I hope they reach their target

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5Uie5NFRrN/?igshid=1vs3s2c9od5qe

“The ongoing “war on drugs” has cost* billions of pounds”
*makes
Charity CEO’s, pharmaceuticals, insurance and the prison service all benefit from the illegality of drugs, they’ve no interest in supporting reform. Despite evidence generally supporting reform and safe places lower the associated crimes and issues with drug supply and use, people don’t want a shooting gallery in their neighbourhood. Wasn’t there one in Glasgow Central that was closed down after a short period?

In the Wiltshire case the actual complaint of “inappropriate language” was upheld, it was the method of investigation that was deemed unfair.

A person from Pakistan is Pakistani, the word p*** is ranked as the 10th most racially offensive term and you cannot equate the word Scot to it, which is the official term for a Scottish national. No wonder Reni Eddo-Lodge is No Longer Talking To White People About Race.

“I’ve written before about this white denial being the ubiquitous politics of race that operates on its inherent invisibility. So I can’t talk to white people about race any more because of the consequent denials, awkward cartwheels and mental acrobatics that they display when this is brought to their attention. Who really wants to be alerted to a structural system that benefits them at the expense of others?”

Start reading this book for free: http://amzn.eu/0kxt0Sq

Have you noticed how a similar pattern emerges when people talk about difficult subjects such as racism or sexism?
I admire @Brucewee and @molgrips, they have presented empathetic and rational ideas which reduces confusion and encourages dialogue, acceptance and understanding. Rather than calling out, they have called in. It’s ok to admit that you didn’t know how it would be interpreted, it’s not your fault as an individual as racism is so insidious that structural racism is at the heart of British society. Are you willing to learn? Then you need to listen to what BAME people are saying, rather than being defensive and ridiculing them.
Can you imagine what it is like for a person of colour to read through some these posts on a cycling forum? Whilst contributers are anonymous it doesn’t reflect well on the magazine nor the sport

I can see why they were upset by the comment, racist tropes carry centuries of discrimination and still cause harm today as they perpetuate negative stereotypes which do affect peoples life outcomes. It may be easy to dismiss one flippant comment, it’s not so easy when you hear them several times a day and these micro-aggressions do have a lasting impact.
STW may not be ready for my friend Nathaniel Adam Tobias *, but here you go. Skip to 1.47

I’ve experienced racism and bigotry regularly; not just the in your face stuff that people feel entitled to express on the bus or in the shop queue but the subtler stuff said in conversation at work, in the pub or on social media. People feel they can justify their prejudices because it’s a joke or they’re entitled to their opinion, even if the facts suggest otherwise. If you challenge it you’re dismissed as a snowflake but the right to freedom of speech comes with responsibilities, like being informed and respectful. We often use the excuse that we’re being honest to explain perspective and ignorance towards those we see as others, without realising the consequences and that it perpetuates harmful stereotypes. That’s how we get away with saying or suggesting that a particular group of people are thieves, rapists, stupid, ugly, drug addicts such as travellers or or people of colour, especially online where you have the freedom of anonymity and security through detachment.

(Un)equal pay day was 5 days ago! It was earlier than last year as the pay gap has widened.
Happy mens day 🍻

One good turn deserves another, and another…
These guys have met some amazingly generous people as they’ve cycled to Australia from Edinburgh

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4942KjlfyD/?igshid=1fcg0ae2v7pcb

“Why are we so keen to sign up for our countries wars”
Wars are good for the economy and the army provides kids with education, stability and opportunities that they might not otherwise have access to. It makes heroes out of kids who are seen as failures. The military made 1,783 visits to 377 Scottish educational institutions over a 2yr period, selling a jet set lifestyle in a period of austerity and uncertainty.
Since 2014 we’ve dropped more than 3,400 bombs and missiles on Daesh, at a financial cost of £2.1bn; there has been more than 6,000 civilian deaths as a result of coalition airstrikes. It’s so profitable that Lockheed Martin sponsors the British Legion, selling us the shell of a hero that is so broken that the only way they can contribute to society is through the 3rd sector support services by providing jobs for therapists and care givers.
Our socital structure is breaking down, we’re becoming more divided and no longer have the sense of community that we had. In a globalised world we have less people to turn to as friends and families fracture over distances that aren’t affordable to visit regularly. Poverty is becoming more visible as it erupts in violence, whether it’s domestic, street or terrorism. The stress of war is predominantly borne by the poor but it affects all who go through its ranks, although it’s delt with differently when you have options which are only available to the wealthy to mitigate the mental damage.

Tropical f*** Storm – Stayin’ Alive

Low Rider – Ty Segall

Leather Nun – Gimme, gimme, gimme

Life Is Beautiful has to be one of the most tragically funny films, it’s an Italian comedy about the holocaust. Although not a film The Brink was an awesome mini series, there was supposed to be a second series but Trump became president and the humour cut a little close to the bone

I’ve no idea how easily sourced elk is in the UK but tesco sell Highland Game venison as burgers, meatballs, sausages and steaks

8,018 miles cycled from Edinburgh to Cairns, Australia!
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4mTCTLlZ2U/?igshid=5x01paweqcia

Whilst I think it’s important to remember the reasons and victims of war, I think that the ceremonies have become a sad celebration of it, where war is glorified. Lockheed Martin and weapon manufacturers sponsor the British Legion and the poppy appeal and promote military career days in schools, which I find quite distasteful. Surely, in respect of those who lost their lives we should not wish to repeat it.
The White Feather Diaries tell the stories of some of the conscientious objectors to war and how they helped the victims of it.
http://www.whitefeatherdiaries.org.uk/

@DezB I’m honored that my musical taste meets your approval. She’s ace, eh? Definitely one to listen out for

Sudan Archives has a beautiful sound and has just released her debut album Athena

Bran Van 3000 have always interested me, especially their first 2 albums

@sadexpunk he’s lucky to have you in his corner

There’s nothing like a hot mug of soup when you come in from the cold. I cheat and have my freezer stocked with frozen veg such as mushrooms, spinach, squash, onions, garlic and herbs. Spinach and nutmeg is a favourite, handful of onions, chopped potatoe a packet of spinach (you may wish to add a dash of lemon juice, not to taste but to keep the colour) and a pinch or two of nutmeg with a glug of cream. Remember a soup boiled is a soup spoiled, just let the veg simmer until soft.

No space to carry a snack? Keep it under your hat. They’re on the road again after a beach break

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Cq-1wF2qU/?igshid=1h6psc8jauqqw

How about the local park? It’s free and open all year round, most are well equipped with monkey bars and picnic benches

Our attitudes to suicide are paradoxical, it’s a tragedy if you succeed but attention seeking if you don’t. If you’re successful then everyone is present, feels bad and wishes they saw the signs; if you’re not then people distance themselves and are irritated then dismisses the problems.
If someone is suicidal, don’t dismiss them

On Wednesday the 16th of December 1992 my dad had a headache and decided that he was going to take the day off work and told me he was going to put the van back in the lockup around the corner. For some reason we were arguing and I told him to F-off. When I got back from school on the Thursday my mum asked if I’d seen him, I hadn’t. When I got home on Friday my mum said that she’d reported him missing, no one had seen or heard from him since Wednesday.
It was 13 days after my 17th birthday. My friends were out but I sat at home, wondering what might of happened. Had he had an affair and run off? Was he hurt somewhere? Had something happened? I remember that he had come home crying one day back in November, it was the first time I’d seen him break down but he wanted to speak to my mum. I wrote a poem “Is it so hard to lift a handset and raise a smile…”
I went to work on Saturday, when I came home the police were there. They asked me some questions and I went to my room. My mum came up later to tell me that the police were going to do a missing person’s press release; BBC scotland, STV, the Scotsman and the evening news. I went to work on Sunday, trying to be as normal as possible. It wasn’t until lunchtime that anyone mentioned it, in front of my colleagues, I made a joke of it. On my way home a friend and I went for a drink, I had a feeling I was going home to bad news.
My mum’s friend opened the front door, she didn’t say anything, we just nodded and I went to my room. I got changed and went straight back out and up to my regular pub and got pissed, went home and slept. This repeated for years.
The funeral was on Christmas eve, despite my brother (15) and I asking if it could be after. The crematorium was packed, they moved it to a larger one but people were still outside. I was just numb, I had no idea what was going on nor who most of the people were. Even my closest friends became strangers, they didn’t know what to do or say but I had no support.
I blamed myself, the last thing I said to him was to f-off. I was angry, how could he be so selfish?
How could I have been so selfish? Why didn’t I ask if he needed help? Why didn’t I tell someone that he’d broken down? Because I had other things to do, because I didn’t want to get involved in what I thought was personal.
I can think of a couple of reasons that he may have killed himself over. He’d been blacklisted for protesting against the poll tax so regular work was hard to find and he was a gambler, he had been a successful one but he may have had a bad hand. He may have thought he’d failed us. Truth is I don’t know.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that while life does have its ups and downs it doesn’t get better for everyone. Who do you talk to when you literally have no one? Where do you go when the gp can’t prescribe meds and it’s an 18 month waiting list for counselling? If you’re a lone parent then when do you get a break to go out on the bike? You’re middle aged and keep being looked over for promotion or even training, what are your prospects? My last friend said I should do it.
Obviously I mucked up and now have temperamental kidneys.
Would I try it again? Probably

Don’t worry about the cash, by 40 single women have up all hope that any man can even rise to the occasion. So as long as you can get up out of your chair and put the bins out without being asked you’re a good ‘un

@bikebouy +1
Research says that men become more attractive around 50, dad bod and all (the cash) so there’s hope for all you sugar daddies yet. Women on the other hand are either pretty or not and it certainly doesn’t improve with age, they’re done by 25.
@gnussmas you’re actually quite a catch, stop putting yourself down

@breninbeener Makes you smile, eh? Totally epic, considering they’re not cyclists. They’re such sound guys, their blog is an absolute joy
https://www.instagram.com/p/B3j2gMlFlO2/?igshid=f35j4t2i516h

After a 500ml detour to replace a broken wheel they’ll hopefully reach Thailand today, Joe even got a free lunch 😊
https://instagram.com/clueless_travellers?igshid=166187qzfc46d

I love a bit of guerilla gardening, as long as it’s not invasive. Someone near me has plants border flowers in that small patch underneath a street signs that is usually gets sprayed with weedkiller

Maybe she’s a POC, that could explain the police’s heavy handed response

Take photos of any injuries, including bruising and make a complaint by email to the IOPC.