I have been with my wife to be for nearly 12 years now.
We have separate monies. I earn more so we do balance things out – I pay all the bills and food, she only pays her half in rent. I put £1k away each month towards *our* house deposit and she same a few £100 I guess. She get about £550 left over I get £800ish. I tend to buy a lot more crap than her, so the spilt works well.
If she runs out I pay and vice versa.
Works perfectly well. I could not imagine how a shared beer pot would work!!!
As for the original posters situation, I think what you are doing is correct – I think penalising for a joint decision not cool at all, just controlling. If I wasn’t workign out I am sure there are other options.
Make your own decisions don’t let other influence.