Their fine piston propeller aircraft will get me to my holiday destination and back.

Only if they have found a way of burning fuel without ingesting ash-filled air from their immediate environment

Which aero-engine physics would suggest they haven't

Down you go!

I'm going to have to say one for Mr Angry as well

Thanks. Just remember they have to be virgins. And 72 of them, please.

That's my Saturday sorted then. Whey hey!

ill have 72 bad girls

70 of them are off sha@@ing other blokes before you get round to them

But my 72 virgins are patiently waiting in line for me to introduce them to the basics

LOL

Are you fussed ?

Yep. Because if the prayers are Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Shintoist, Islamic, Zoroastrian, Mormon, Scientologist, Jedi, Animist, Pantheist etc etc the offer is bollx.

If on the other hand our contributor has discovered a faith in which prayer works, I want some! Seventy-two virgins would be a good starting point

you seem to have some anger management issues?

Don't you recognise your own words?

I'll pray for you

Before I thank you, can I just check what religion you're praying in?

Mandela in the BNP would make about as much sense as all that "indigenous englishman" knackers griffin comes out with

lighten the **** up you total nobber

What a great poem – thank you

lighten the **** up you total nobber

And your thoughtful answer to my question about what the girls did is….?

check out past posts from dizinaustria

and then wonder why she hasn't posted on here for yonks

and my lad was a knight, along with the all the other boys in the class

You sound a bit mindlessly proud about this.

WTF did the girls do? Dress up as virgins to be rescued from the dragon?

What utter bollx

What's the difference between a Nigerian email and an e-Bay transaction?

In a Nigerian email, there's only one scammer

I had all that – starting with symptoms identical to a heart attack leading to four days in hospital for extensive checks all of which came out negative (i.e. positive for me!)

Months of breathlessness, lethargy, fatigue, chest pain, muscle pains.

Got checked out for Lyme cos I had had a tick a few months earlier – still negative (i.e. positive for me!)

Eventually got better. Went to GP for final checkup and asked what the hell happened to me.

He said: Best guess is – a viral infection of the peripheral nervous system. He comforted me by telling me if it had been a viral infection of my central nervous system (like meningitis) I would be dead.

Thank God for peripheralness say I

Has anyone called Chuck Norris? He'd show that volcano who's boss…..

The volcano already knows about Chuck Norris. That's why it's affecting Europe

In my yoof I suffered from serious sex addiction syndrome.

Now I have recovered I am particularly interested in helping young women who may have the same problem

I feel my early experience of sex addiction (did I say I have completely recovered?) will be of enormous help in assisting young women to put this awful problem behind them

Young women suffering from sex addiction syndrome are most welcome to contact me (email in profile)

I feel I am well placed to help them

What "Black Widow" on what "Stealth Weapon"? Is this some Vin Diesel-style low budget sci-fi I've somehow missed? Or some NightWish Scandinavian Norse-rock bollox that no-one has heard of?

Solipsistic means assuming your are the only person who matters in the world

Romanticising means making yourself sound more important than you are

Calling some bird on a bike wearing black clothes who wants other people to get out of her way a "widow on a stealth weapon" is true bollx

Widow on stealth weapon

You are solipsistically romanticising yourself

You are not a widow

Your bicycle is not a stealth weapon

You are a person wearing black clothes riding a bicycle

And you have to share public roads, bridleays and byways with other people

Most homeless have mental health difficulties and / or come from abused backgrounds. A fair few are ex services.

No wonder we got kicked out of Iraq and are currently having our arses kicked in Afghanistan if all they're good for after the forces is Big Issue selling

traced by the authorities

Not as yet

But all that information is held by the individual organisations concerned – so all ISPs have data about all sites visited by their customers

It's just that Big Brother can not (yet) pull all this information together

But GCHQ is working on it!

The only big issue about Big Issue sellers is why in a country with a superb, free education system they couldn't get themselves enough qualifications to get a job which would pay them enough not to have to stand around selling the Big issue

nobody saw you?

In our surveillance society, how can you ever be sure nobody is watching you?

I'm not going to bite

You can be my fluffer any day

Very surprised any Scotch porn artist admits to needing to recruit a fluffer

Who are these Scotch people ? Not a race I've ever heard of.

What is this Scotch whisky? Not a liquor I've ever heard of.

LOL

Let's start promoting Scottish Whisky

Barman – a double Scottish if you please!

No it's someone called "Woody" we're talking about

How anyone in a post-porn world can call himself "Woody" beggars belief. Do you have a "Fluffer"?

some 82 year olds are lazy buggers

and if there'd been any evidence that he was a "genius" (see post title) it would have been offered before he died in total obscurity – except to sentimental Scotch people

a just high speed 'anking accident.

For most of us, this isn't a credible explanation

But I suppose if you choose to call yourself "woody", "high speed 'anking" sort of defines you

Hi Simon

With all the usual caveats about medical advice on a bike forum

And not wanting to add to your understandable anxiety

But you might want to get your medical advisors to rule out MS (multiple sclerosis)

It goes under a number of other names these days, but pins-and-needles and numbness are prominent indicators for early onset of this condition

No doubt it will turn out – as usual for those of us of relatively advanced years – to be just another of those interesting temporary conditions our body turns up to remind us not to get cocky about our longevity, however fit we may feel.

Hoping for something utterly trivial!

An utterly piss poor Bob Dylan tribute band, putting together all the Bob Dylan cliches without an ounce of the big man's talent.

FFS – smoking? – playing a guitar inside a car? – sunglasses?

I can't imagine them "on tour". They can't produce any magic inside a car. How the hell do they expect to dominate a stadium?

Very sad death

Not so much a loss, since most of his stuff survives him in one recorded form or another, and you have to admit he's not been prolific in his output recently

But MUSICAL GENIUS??? FFS!

Swallow in German is Schwalbe

What tyres for Spring?

Keep going; we'll get there in the end

Hi Fred

I think you'll find most great thinkers develop their ideas over time 😀

One vote among millions, once every five years, for a choice of three politicians, none of whom represents my political views.

I'm drunk with power!

Correction to my last post:

I know it is perfectly possible for pervy toffs to extract sexual gratification from tormenting animals to death

I meant: should it be legal for said pervy toffs to obtain said pleasure?

This thread has got bogged down in too much scientific/statistical data.

The simple question is: In a civilised, modern country, should pervy toffs be able to get sexual pleasure from tormenting animals to death?

Current (men) threads are dull dull dull

You're not exactly encouraging more men to join in the "discussions" are you girls?

I thought I saw a new thread disappear

Just put your finger in and fish about a bit – it'll reappear eventually

Mark please pull this thread

And then carefuly dispose of what you find dangling on the end of it

He who proposes a bet does not expect to lose

Voting – the triumph of hope over experience

Yawn yawn – a much hyped film fails, as usual, to live up to the hype

Take The Hurt Locker

and flush it down the nearest bog labelled: "pro-American, pro-war, cliche-ridden, tedious, macho, context-free bolx"