Thanks everybody. Everybody who commented is a good, caring person. If you ever feel otherwise or somebody tells you different, please remember that you helped a random on a forum.
I know I need to change this way of thinking, I’m going to try.
I won’t let them down.

I never thought I’d be in this position, life and happiness had an upward trajectory for a long time.
But then things change, sometimes it’s slow and sometimes like now the change is sudden and very painful.
There’s good change, my kids, they’re wonderful.
Bad change, my relationship, losing my parent, losing my job. Suddenly I’m unable to provide food or heating, what use is a father that can’t care for his kids.
The anxiety I’ve fought against all my life becomes unbearable, becomes depression, becomes the recurring thought that I’m a burden, of no value, no good, and you’re there, thinking that pills are the best way, or maybe wrists, and that nobody will care anyway, do it.

My kids care, I know they love me and I love then more and they need that love more than anything else.

But I’ve got to hang on, I can’t do that to my kids.

But it’s so hard.

Bikes or bits.

@Jefwachowchow
Do you mean yesterday then?

I sent what I thought was a good follow up email on Tuesday, still haven’t heard anything.

I think I might try phoning today, what do you reckon? If a good idea Should I phone the office or the interviewers mobile?

Hi Eddiebaby
I don’t know you and won’t pretend to know what you’re going through and have endured.
I have however contemplated killing myself quite regularly over the last few years. I’ve gone so far as to plan how to do it but never attempted it.
If you would like to talk then pm me or drop me an email, address should be in my profile.
I won’t pretend that I can help, but I will listen and I can empathise to a degree.
Happy to do this while riding a bike too if you prefer.

Contract says he is liable for any financial penalty I incur if he fails to complete the job, says nothing about being outside of agreed timescale.

He is paid slightly in advance of the work being completed so up to know has had 2 thirds of the money.
I would without doubt lose out financially if i was to sack him now. This would annoy me intensely given the stress he has caused.

Having looked online nd through the contract I can only see a dispute resolution.

Does anynodybhave experience of something similar?
Assjming he finishes can i withold the final payment?
What are my options if he walks off the job?

CaptFlashheart is iDave and I claim my 5 pounds.

And here I was putting a post on here cos I thought it was mainly educated and self reflective blokes with a desire for self-improvement.

Turns out we’re mostly a bunch of dysfunctional cocks on the spectrum!!!

No wonder I feel right at home.

:)

Seems to me that I should be ignoring the councillors faux assessment and look to address the issues myself.

I’ll ask about a formal diagnosis but I’m not going to hang my hat on it for now.

Thank you all

What do you mean when you say aspergers is no longer a thing?

Kaiser – That sounds familiar, I’ll set aside the time I think, I don’t see how it can hurt.

Had my first counselling session last week and half way through the counsellor said that she had repeatedly put in her notes about aspergers. She continually referred back to that thereafter.

She was careful not to make a diagnosis but made it plain that her opinion was that I had aspergers.

I’m not sure what to do with this, I’m conscious that it could become an excuse and I really want to avoid that.

Thank you all

I’m going to try some meditation for the stress and CBT for the prickishness, can anybody suggest a good book for CBT?

The Aspergers thing is very interesting, looking at the symptoms I exhibit an awful lot of them, not just what I’ve outlined above. However I’m not sure what the diagnosis will give me other than a possible referral for counselling, CBT and maybe medication.

Frankenstein – Both excellent suggestions and have the desired affect as it happens, it has been commented on in the past by my dear Wife.

Sadly however the source of the stress at home means that increasing either of those activities is NEVER going to happen.

EDIT: Meditation, that could be a go-er, I practiced mindfulness at school during examinations to help me focus, that worked.

Work and home life are the causes of the stress.

Work pays quite well and is generally very enjoyable, I like it but no position is without some stress. Every 6 months or so it gets very challenging.

One of the members of the household is extremely high-maintenance because they’re emotionally fragile, they’re paranoid/neurotic and need constant reassurance and support, this comes from me.

NealGlover – Always that way, I’m immature. It’s why I’m not a good manager, I know it affects relationships with staff and senior management but I function pretty well as an individual. Work is not as important as home so it can wait.