There is a threaded insert you can get which you screw into the head. Involves making the hole bigger with a tapered tap – use lots of grease to trap the swarf and keep most of it out of the engine.

Best bet is to go and ask your local engineering workshop if you have one – the sort of place that can skim cylinder heads, regrind cranks, etc.

A fellow walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, but I DO have a parakeet." The customer insists on a canary, until the shop owner informs him that a parakeet can be made to sound like a canary if one files the beak just so. "But be careful not to file too much off, or the parakeet will drown when he goes to take a drink of water." The potential customer decides that this is complete bullshit, but thanks the shop owner politely and leaves, sans parakeet.

He goes into another pet shop and asks for a canary — no luck. "But", says the shop owner, "I do have a parakeet, and if you file the beak just so, it can be made to sound just like a canary." He goes on to explain that filing off too much beak will jeopardize the bird's life, due to the potential for drowning when he takes a drink. The fellow finally decides that there is some merit to these claims and buys the parakeet. "Besides", he thinks to himself, "parakeets are much cheaper."

His next stop is a hardware shop, where he wanders into the file section, holding his recently purchased bird. The owner wanders by and asks of he needs some help. The new bird owner sheepishly explains how he intends to make his parakeet sing like a canary.

The hardware store owner knowingly picks up a file and hands it to him. "Here, a Nichols #2 bastard file. But be careful not to file too much off, or the poor beastie might drown." He thanks the hardware shop owner and leaves for home.

A few weeks later, the bird owner wanders into the hardware shop. The owner, recognising him, asks how he managed with the parakeet. The fellow looks down and sadly reports "Bird's dead".

The hardware shop owner shares his sorrow and asks "Filed off too much beak?"

To which the former bird owner replies "Nah, he was dead when I took him out of the vice."

Used to work with Rob Banks

Please leave a space before the question mark, it looks untidy otherwise.

But that would be grammatically incorrect. Punctuation should follow the preceding word without a space.

Land Rover roof?

Pulls up sandbag…

Aye, and what's happened to white dogshit?

/sandbag

Placebo SECC Dec 09

G10 Video performance, in the dark. Just an experiment, but I was pleasantly surprised. As long as you don't zoom too far, the stabilisation is pretty good too. You can see the difference just before the end of this clip, when I zoom back a wee bit.

Sony Bravia

Bought 80 Bravias recently for a TV system upgrade on an offshore gas platform. Really not impressed with the performance. Admittedly, we rebroadcast in SD Analogue RF, but we have some other TVs on board which perform significantly better than the Bravias are. Overpriced for what you get IMHO. (KDL-20S3000 model). Couple of bigger Samsungs at about the same price are stunning in comparison on the same SD Analogue RF signal. Even the old 19" CRTs we replaced looked better than these Sonys.

G10 or G11

Yours, or your neighbours ?

Eejit on so many levels.

care to elaborate Goan?

If you can't tell that the OP is an accident waiting to happen (..er, has happened!) then perhaps you shouldn't try driving in this weather either. Glad I don't live at the end of his road! (or yours)

….and then the flooding begins

So, is it true that all boarders are gay ?

Adultery is not a crime
Bigamy is a crime

Go figure….

I'm driving my first ever auto in the snow, and despite my initial thoughts of "it's auto, bound to be shite", it has been performing remarkably well – down to the smoothness which psling speaks of. It is a 4WD as well, but basic (normal diffs, viscous centre). Doing much better than I expected. I've had a fair bit of snow driving experience though, and that definitely helps too, along with decent tyres.

Pete – I hope you're reading this!

For the start I thought it was the "other" Barnes and I was confused not to see legions of others pushing bikes

Aye. Where's all the arse shots?

Chinese hooker

as a self employed carpenter i was paying ~£20/month in N.I. contributions.

Self employed AND paying NI contributions? That'll be a first!

The best way of stopping on soft snow is to lock all the wheels

True, up to a point.

The best way of stopping in the weather we have just now is to do everything gently. By using engine braking, gently, you can reduce speed safely whilst retaining some amount of steering.

In deep snow on a firm base, you can lock the wheels to stop – using the 'snow ramp' technique to create wedges in front of the wheels. I disagree that putting the vehicle sideways if you have the space is really a more effective way to stop (Fun, yes – sensible, no)

However this isn't so effective on snow over hard ice, and doesn't work at all on bare ice. The only way to stop in really slippy conditions is to keep the wheels turning fractionally slower than you are moving. 4WD engine braking is the way to do this, but it is a skill thet needs to be learned, and almost always you won't be able to stop in the space you have available anyway. Especially in a 2-ton monster

Those 4X4s may well have 4 wheel drive but the still have 2 wheel steer and 4 wheel brake the same as everything else. Drivers could do well to remember that.

Well said ^

4WD might well get you going, but these things are no better equipped to stop & steer than anything else.

Combine that with them being heavier, and the 'sport' variety having stupidly unsuitable tyres – they are a (dangerous) joke.

The sort of drivers (sweeping generalisation shocker) who drive these things are generally pretty poorly equipped in the brain department too, so gently engine breaking – where they might still have a small advantage – is beyond them.

what is stupid about the gear stick in a 2cv?

Symptom of the small-minded nature of most people. Give them a situation which is slightly out of their normal expectation, even if there are numerous benefits, or design reasons for those differences, and they will decry it as "just shit". The 2CV gearchange is fundamentally in the same place and operated the same way as a current Honda Civic, FR-V, and others. It was just there about 50 years earlier, and a bit odd to some people.

You'll still struggle to find a slower car though. 29BHP and the aerodynamic qualities of a narrow shed.

Someone I work with has just bought a new X6. He's a complete tosser. He couldn't have bought a more appropriate car.

I hated my 2cv. It made a good plant pot and was funny but as a form of transport it was poor

Wash your mouth out.

425cc early 2CV – very slow.
602cc Acadiane (Dyane Van) 50mph flat out. Could get 2 bikes in the back though, wheels on etc.

If Muslim troops were in the UK dropping 2,000lb bombs on British wedding celebrations with innocents killed on a regular basis we'd all be up in arms against them wouldnt we?

We would indeed.

And guess how well it would go down if we tried to demonstrate against it in Kabul?

8/10 for your troll

who lives across the street's 1080p tv

Bloody hell, you've got better eyesight than me then. Does he leave his curtains open?

8/10. Surprisingly effective. Well done.

A rabbit's heart. Was the only bit left stuck to the bumper after I hit one the other day in the car.

Wedding Belles
1 Day Removal

I knew I would get it the wrong way around

Best way to remember is to keep a decent bottle of Scotch close by at all times, preferably a good single malt.

Scots. Scotch is whiskey

[pedant] Scots. Scotch is Whisky. Whiskey is Irish, or american [/pedant]

Lifesure for my Jap Import (Bongo).

Autonet for my 'proper' van. (Astravan)

Getting 55ish out of an 02 Astra 1.7DTi van.

@Spooky_b329 – I had a similar experience a couple of years ago. Early morning commute, transit flatbed in front of me with some sort of machinery in the back, well laden. Kept drifting in and out, occasionally fully into the wrong side of the road (nothing coming). Then drifted in to the side, clipped the kerb, swerved out into the wrong side again, and back to where he should have been. And then just carried on. Either very sleepy or pissed from the night before. Possibly fatally dangerous to himself or others, so I made the call (stopped of course). I caught up on him, and passed him just before we got to a layby with a police car in it. He came out and followed the transit, who instantly indicated and turned off the road down a country lane – followed by the police of course.

Pretty sure he was pissed up, and making the call was the right thing to do.

Lots of decent BnB's in Aviemore too

Smooth – Glemnorangie, Balvenie, Benromach, Cragganmore, Glenfarclas

Balvenie Doublewood is a favourite of mine, Smooth, lovely flavour, and not too expensive. If you want to go up the price range then an older Glenfarclas would be nice for a special birthday. Some of the Glenmorangie 'finishes' are a bit more special than the standard 10yo, but not really worth the extra (IMHO).

Macallan is also a good place to look, perhaps slightly stronger in flavour though. Not a lot in it mind. If you can find Macallan 12yo (Not the Elegancia 12yo) it's a stunning dram, far better than its age would suggest, but as far as I know it's export only. Last time I found it was in Amsterdam, at around £40. The elegancia 12 is OK though, just not so special.

Very difficult to recommend a good whisky for someone, as it's very much about personal taste.

Don't discount living in Wales until you've tried Wrexham.

Anyone in england considering a move North should give Wrexham a go before looking at Scotland. It's really great there. You'd hate it up here in Scotland. Honestly.

Bought a G10 earlier this year. First thing I did with it was drop it on to the edge of a coffee table. Small crack in the perspex covering the screen, nothing else. Nice kit too.