Tough one
My brother is bipolar and he’s spent years under section (usually 2 to 3 months a time) I love him and would do anything to help him and often do. But there are times when I’ve wondered if I could cope with him if we weren’t family if I’d turn my back on him. He’s had ups and downs relationship wise longest term relationship broke down a few years back though honestly her mental health was probably as much of an issue as his. He’s one of the best people I know and has a massive friend group as testament to that.
My last relationship lasted 3 years we both had faults and I loved her deeply, never been so happy but she had paranoia that would kick in when ever she got down. I’d face a stream of accusations denials were futile and it was painful. She also had an avoidant attachment type so sometimes she’d crave space and go radio silent for days until I’d reach the point where I was close to cracking then she’d call or message back. We broke up twice both times on her call first time we had 2 months apart while she decided if she wanted to be with me broke up with me when I pushed for an answer but then changed her mind hours later I guess after finally thinking about it as she spent 2 months not thinking about it.
Second and final time came after longer than usual silence and honestly I was exhausted with constantly reminding myself she loved me that the paranoia wasn’t her that she would come back from silence each time. I’d never felt so close to anyone I could be myself with her completely she would do the nicest most thoughtful things for me we’d discussed starting a family. I always thought that if I could just stay strong keep loving her it could heal the paranoia. Took me a year to finally move past the hurt trying to figure out if I had handled my own problems could we have worked like I said faults on both sides.
But here’s the thing with mental health issues that took me so long to understand, you can support someone but you can’t fix them that comes from them. A support network helps them achieve it but you personally can’t will it into being. Years back when my brother would be manic I’d try to argue him into accepting he was ill and needed meds I thought if I could show him the holes in his logic he’d stop and take his meds. Now I know that if he or friends and family don’t catch the signs early best thing to do is be there for him and walk him through sectioning process if there’s no way he can get back down without that help. That doesn’t happen often these days thankfully he’s gotten so much better at management. In the first year with my ex after a very painful conversation with her she had an assessment and accepted she might be paranoid though from my perspective at least she didn’t ever really try and address or accept it, so the thoughts she had chipped away at how she felt about me until there wasn’t enough left for her.
Would I take back those 3 years to save myself the heartache no. If she got back in touch would I want to try again I hope not. Maybe not that helpful advice wise though think about having a chat with a counselor yourself maybe assess your outlook on relationships you mention being through loads with others pretty lightly but honestly while relationships need work to work it shouldn’t just be about work. Plus if you do stay in it for the long term it will help you.
