^ this.

Someone’s children will make this world a better place, by being the medics, scientists, artists and peacekeepers of the future.

By that logic, someone may have cured cancer if they’d not had kids too. The scientist trying to cure cancer would have a lot more spare time to devote to their work if they were child free. Someone’s kid might kick of WWIV too. It’s not like every child born is going to advance humanity is it?

@tjagain had a pretty measured response. Don’t see why they copped the flak they did for their perspective. Even more uncomfortable to read all the posts saying “congratulations” when OP said they weren’t sure if they wanted to have child or not. I don’t recall people going around congratulating couples who are child free constantly. The default positon seems to be to assume “child on the way” == “good thing”. It isn’t always the case.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me. With or without kids, I would want my life to have purpose as I defined it. It could be anything like just having the best time you could, or curing cancer People who don’t have kids don’t have any less of a valid reason to exist.

People saying their kids are the best thing they ever did remind me in some way (though a lot more wholesome) of people who say “my parents battered me and I grew up fine”. They mean well, but they literally cannot know how the alternative would’ve turn out. They’re not so much biased as blinkered.

There are the practical questions for which you can put hedges in place. Let’s see if we can tick some of those off. And maybe some for the questions you didn’t.

– Can you support the child if x happens.
That’s what life insurance is for. If you’re that worried, get some.

– Will you spend the rest of your active life looking after this child?
You’ll probably spend a good chunk of it compromising on what you want to do. It depends on what your goals are. There’s a lot of activity you can get done before a child wakes up and after it goes to sleep in the early years. You won’t be able to go out for a ride on a whim for 12 hours because it’s a nice day in the early years. So evaluate your goals accordingly.
Adding to what you said about you being an immigrant. Do you have any family support? If you don’t, then there’s a good chance that you and your partner won’t have a weekend to yourselves together for a good few years. Can you handle that? You maybe able to work something out if you have a good support network with friends who can do some childcare for you. Or even consider moving back for access to family support.
Assuming you have the child now. You’d be 63 when they turned 18. Last I checked, there were 60 year olds who rode bikes. By and large, I think that’s a wash. I will say having less time does force some people to find discipline.

– Finances.
No question, if you want to give your child a fair go, there’s less for you in the resource pool. If you can’t afford a house now, you’re not going to have access to more money with an additional dependent.

While considering the practicalities, are you comfortable with the other risks a later in life pregnancy carries? I think these days, a late 30s pregnancy is not as risky as it once was, but it’s a bit more risky than having a child younger. How would you feel for example, having to look after a child with severe learning difficulties?

For the not so practical things…

– Should you “man up”
Hate that term. Arguably, you and your partner are being braver by questioning whether this is the right choice for you. It takes a brave person to go against what society tells them. Your partner must love and respect you a lot to be able to be so open with you about such a difficult thought. I know a few people who have had a termination, and I would not call any of them cowards. A termination is an active choice that requires courage and a lot of thought. Not one of them has had it flippantly.
It’s more common for people to become paralysed by fear, and wait too long so they no longer have to make the choice.

– The positives
I’ve heard people compare the postives to tons of drudgery interspersed with moments of absolute bliss. I think it’s a fair comparison. The lows are a lot lower than you could ever imagine, and the highs are pretty high. However, I, personally, would not have a child simply to give meaning to my life.

Only you, and perhaps more importantly, your partner can make the choice now. Sure, you’re asking the right questions and that tips the balance in the favour of you being a better parent. However, that’s the baseline requirement for a decent parent. I hope you and your partner are happy with whatever you choose. Whatever you choose, you’re going to be set on a path from which there will be no turning back.

It may or may not be fair, but how the hell can we tell if it’s “amicable”

A lawyer tells me it’s fair if you both feel like you got shafted at the end 🙃

@kimbers there is a workaround that uses separate Amazon devices per Echo to get around that. I’m not sure how that affects group listening, but you could get around it with the listening party feature if you wanted to perhaps.

@sharkbait

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t think the OP should be getting everything back just on a whim.
The question is what has the 5% been paid for?

This is the crux of it really.

Contractually, or prior to forming the contract, there was no mention of the deposit being non-refundable. Looking at the contract, the payment schedule is for certain milestones for work. The deposit is also to be offset against services/materials that are invoiced for. So far, there have been no invoices, and work is not scheduled to start for close to 3 months. I am struggling to see how the deposit paid so far has consumed any of the work that has already taken place given what I’ve been told.

Given that currently there is a lot of demand for their services, they could avoid loss of work. Given the materials shortage, they could not even incur a restocking fee from their supplier.

Again, I’m not unaware of how this looks to people criticising the decision. It is not one that’s been taken on a whim.

@frankconway thank you!

@Aidy it’s still money we’ve had to work hard for.

@johndoh I don’t understand the position here. If they can find work to fill the gap they’d not have lost any money. At that point, is it still acceptable to retain a deposit in that case?

@Cougar definitely asked nicely. I don’t feel comfortable discussing why it’s not going ahead unfortunately.

@seosamh77 good point. I’d have hoped one of the jobs they’d turned away would match the gap left, or soften the blow. It doesn’t seem like the worst time to have work fall through judging by the amount of construction going on around me right now.

Could I try and understand why the legal approach is being met with opposition? If I were in a position where work had commenced and I was unable to pay, then I’d not expect the builder to swallow the loss if they thought they could recover their money that way.

@seosamh77 the only pricing supplied so far was as part of the initial quote. I’m not saying for one second that they’ve done absolutely nothing and I’ve worded my previous post badly. Given the advance notice (close to 3 months), I’d have hoped they could bring work forward to fill the schedule, or obtain new work given the demand. I realise they’re not obliged to do so.

@the-muffin-man I did laugh at that. Thanks!

@mefty the contract makes no specific mention related to the deposit. Interestingly, when approached, they referred to the contract.

@TheBrick I understand your point about materials storage. Contractually, the builder is obliged to notify us of any materials ordered for our work. We have had no notification of any costs. I’d be happy to try and offer a compromise but I’m not confident of reaching one. In any case, the legal route offers a mediation service.

@argee yes, I’m definitely not interested in any prolonged legal issue. However, we worked hard to earn that money. If they’ve done work for us for that amount of money, then I’d like to understand what it is.

@the-muffin-man they said they’re not going to even think about the job until after Christmas and we’ve had no contact from them since signing the contract last year. I’m assuming if there was money due, they would be invoicing us for it (which according to the contract they are).

@db I’m definitely not interested in fattening anyone else’s bank balance. However, seeing that the contract is what the builder is referencing and it makes no mention of the deposit I would like to know where I stand.

@binners thanks. That certainly puts things in perspective. It’s not a decision we came to lightly, I assure you.

Looking at the contract from a purely legal standpoint (and I am not a lawyer) keeping the entire deposit without performing any work, without evidence of materials being ordered for it feels like a disproportionate penalty.

My MiL asked me where he was from. I said I think South London, she asked again “but where is he REALLY from.

Manchester.

Maybe she wanted the co-ordinates of his mum’s uterus? 😂

I tend to usually ask what they’re intending to do with the information. It’s a question people ask out of idle curiosity without really considering how it makes the person on the other end of it feel.

I’d save some cash and get this: https://www.keyboardco.com/keyboard/usa-keychron-c1-double-shot-rgb-hot-swap-tactile-macpc-keyboard.asp

It’s hot swap so he could even change the switches later on if he wanted to go that route.

OP is asking for their nephew who is a gamer. If they’re a child then of course they’ll like shiny lights. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

How old are they, and are they more into gaming or mechanical keyboards? What layout do they want (full sized, tenkeyless, 60%)? Any switch preference? Are they interested in changing the switches out eventually?

A lot of gamers use the smaller form factors like 60% so they have more room to use a mouse.

You’ve got options ranging from £45ish all the way to £5k. If they’re the typical 13 year old who wants per key RGB and all that, then just go with whatever the popular tech channels recommend. If they want NKRO and all that jazz, then you’ll most likely need a wired board. If they’re comfortable with a Bluetooth board, then consider something like a Keychron.

Check this place out for a reference: https://www.keyboardco.com/category.asp?sr=&path=Mechanical+Keyboards&stk=&ss=lh&rtv=100

I’m not a premier member anymore (I don’t even know if I’m a mountain biker anymore), but if you put stuff out there for genpop then there are going to be some people who will have a go at you for whatever reason ranging from someone parked outside their window on the public road, to being savaged by their partner/dog/mum/Nan that morning and they’re looking to take it out somewhere.

True, @LittlestHobo has found a great area in that case.

Let me stalk their posts to see if I can find it.

In all seriousness, you spend long enough somewhere and you’ll get anchored to it. So upping and moving to somewhere else completely is out. I’ve floated moving to Peebles in the past when my plan to turn the garden into a pump track was vetoed. Shame that didn’t work out eh?

Don’t think so, I’ve just misinterpreted it. I thought you put in 200k, and the house you purchased was 260k, I guess that means minimal stamp duty too?

Sounds like you spent 2/3rds more to get what you wanted and you got exactly what you were after unless you’re including remodelling/redecorating/moving costs into that? If you are, then that’s unbelievably lucky. Good for you! I’m not finding anything similar even if I were to take the plunge, so extending is the right decision for me. Let’s hope it goes to plan!

If there was a house double the size of where I live for only 30% more than what this place cost then I’d have snapped your hand off for it! Sounds like you were pretty fortunate.

Cougar is on the money. We’re mostly set on the plan, it’s just that last push. Things like Rightmove are the equivalent of Tinder for property, and they sucker you into thinking the perfect place is around the corner if only x, y or z and the temptation is to kick the decision down the line.

Greybeard, making money is important, but I’d rather rely on my efforts to do so than relying on a single asset to do all the heavy lifting. Investments, career growth, lottery tickets, the odd government contract down the pub and so on.

Nice to see other peoples’ perspectives and that we’re generally on the right track. Roll on Gin Palace.

@paulneenan I am loving the idea of a gin palace!

We’ve got a very specific set of requirements which make what I’m looking for hard to find I think. We live on a an estate and know our neighbours very well. We’re all around similar ages and are sort of like each others’ urban family. Where we live is very close to the trails, sports facilities, schools, town and railway station meaning you can get by without a car and generally live most of your life outdoors while using the home as a base to sleep, eat and exercise.

The only thing that would make me consider moving would be if I could move to somewhere within a quarter of a mile of here and upsize while spending the same amount as what the extension plus the renovation would cost. What I’m finding is that doesn’t exist unless we were to rinse ourselves financially. Just the tax and the costs for the move would run into the tens of thousands, which I’d rather put into improving this place. There’s also the added cost of running a larger house and grounds. And anywhere we’d move into would need more work done, as it looks like most people in the vicinity who do sell have done little to absolutely no work to their houses, so they’d need redecoration and perhaps a new kitchen at a minimum. Again, just a new kitchen and an extension would be the bare minimum required to buy us a bit more time in the current place.

I think I know what my decision is. I do understand why some people with different values may just want to up and move for a bigger place, but they probably have a different perspective? Personally, any move which means I’d need to spend more time in a car, which means less time for my hobbies would be a straight no.

So the consensus is roughly along the lines of:

– as long as you’re adding square footage, then you’ll be ok. Provided you’re not getting ripped off.
– just worry about making your home work for you
– forgot to add don’t have a mortgage to the list (although, it’s never been so cheap to borrow money, so rinsing your savings to pay for it wouldn’t be the best idea?0

I’ve taken a look at the costs for what we’re doing. The builder we’re planning on using isn’t the cheapest, but their quote is competitive with what other builders doing similar work is. We’ve also seen their work and have experience of what they’re like as they did some work for our neighbour. The builder has also worked on houses similar to ours, so I’m hoping the work holds no surprises for them. I’m willing to pay a bit extra to work with someone who seems professional and trustworthy. Though time will tell on that one.

Most of the work is to add square footage. There’s a not inconsiderable amount of it which has gone towards making things aesthetically pleasing and more functional for us. New kitchen, more windows, a new heating system, underfloor heating, mechanical extraction for heat, additional connectivity for the internet, a/v wiring etc. It feels like it’s not worth doing if you’re going to be cheap. There’s also money that needs to be spent to keep in line with building regs, but who wants to live in a death trap right? Some money is also going towards updating the house. This is another thing I see people not telling you about houses. Houses need updates periodically, and these things don’t come for free. People seem to conveniently forget about the money they needed to pay to replace doors/windows, or add a new boiler and so on, especially the time they spent doing those things when they calculate the return on their investment.

As for being a pessimist. It’s more like I expect the worst and hope for the best. Though I never thought I’d find all that Bitcoin I mined 10 years ago, or win the lottery, or have a giant inheritance left to my partner, or have some random life event work out so spectacularly in my favour, or have a family member pass away and become the guardian for their kids, or find out I’d need to be the carer for my aged parents… you get the picture. Like someone else wisely said, life changes and it made sense for me at the time with the information I had to make that particular decision I guess. It would be interesting how I’d have handled the decision with the benefit of hindsight, though I won’t know that one.

So what banana connectors should you get and from where?

And sod the cable, I’ve still not found an amp/receiver that’s lasted me more than 5 years without developing some sort of problem. I think these days I’d be somewhat comfortable opening them up and having a go with a soldering iron.

I should have been more specific. I’m not going to remove fire doors if that meant the building isn’t compliant or it invalidates insurance. I was hoping we could construct *including* fire doors and the smoke reservoir, and get fire engineer sign off at a later date confirming the door wasn’t necessary. If it isn’t, then the door stays. However, to do that, you’d need to add a beam at the base of the stairs to act as the smoke reservoir, and I don’t know how that affects the construction of the doors. And like @ollie_the_brave mentioned, you’d need to factor in costs for removing the door when you did that, so you may just be paying twice over.

Anyway, building control have suggested that fire engineer sign off is a must. However, I have made a mistake saying the architect was able to sign off the plans based on previous designs. It’s building control who were previously able to do that, and the suggestion of the smoke reservoir originated from them and not the architect. These days they require an independent assessment from a fire engineer.

The good news is, if the fire engineer thinks it’s possible to mitigate risk with the reservoir, then the building inspector may be ok with the approach taken. I just need to get another quote and see if the fire engineer agrees with this. They’re the expert after all.

@ollie_the_brave
Yes, you’ve captured exactly what I’m worried about and that’s great advice. Thanks! I’ll speak to them and see if we can arrange that.

@ollie_the_brave
Thanks for that. It really helps to get a better idea of the costs. It sounds like if the door were built, then I’d be looking at around around £500-600 just to fit the doors all told.

Is the point you’re making that it’s better to pay the fire engineer to recommend a solution not involving the door than to pay the costs for getting a door, as the money you save on the assessment would need to be paid for when fitting the additional door, on top of the hassle of fitting them too?

If it is, then the thing that worries me is if building regs reject the fire engineer’s recommendation, then you’d have to pay both costs anyway.

@aelliott
Thanks for weighing in. Really appreciate it!
Yes, you’ve nailed it. The architect’s idea is that by using a smoke reservoir and a misting system, you could eliminate the additional fire door which would need to be at the boundary between the stairs and the kitchen, or the stairs and the first floor.

If going the “normal” route, then it would be fire doors and a misting/sprinker system. And like you say, the fire engineer needs to propose a different way to mitigate the risk so we can do away with the requirement for a door either at the top or the bottom. Potentially adding a smoke reservoir would mean you have additional time to escape in case of a fire.

The fire engineer’s quote is detailed, and seems to only cover inspecting the architect’s plans and providing recommendations. After this, there can be one more review. But there’s no mention of liaising with building control. If building control disagree, you’d need to pay for additional consultation.

It makes sense to me that liasing with building control would mean quoting again. They won’t know how much they’d have to change until the recommendations were made.

Some folks are saying that due to the sheer volume of work due to the cladding scandal, it’s difficult to find fire engineers, and prices are high as a result too. I have no idea how true that is. And like @dannybgoode mentioned, if indemnity prices are rising, then you’d expect them to pass those costs on.

I’m considering if we can build to normal regulations and add the smoke reservoir too. Which means, at a later point when things calm down, we could have it reassessed and remove the door and save the costs for paying the assessment right now. Still depends on what the property will allow us to construct though. I’ll need to check this with the architect anyway.

Thanks for the offer of conversing via DM, I’ll take you up on that. That’s really kind of you.

@andy3809
Like a door that closes based on an indicator of whether there’s a fire or not?

Anyway, architect has come back saying the quote is very high for the work that’s being done. Let’s see how it plays out. Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I can probably build the reservoir in, keep the door and just remove it at a later point hopefully.

@poly
Yup, if we went the bog standard way, then it would be fire doors and a misting system. If you don’t want the doors, then you pay for the privilege. I just didn’t think I would be paying this much!

It sounds like if we’d built the same thing a few years previously, then it wouldn’t have needed the fire engineer sign off. The architect has previously built similar designs which were compliant.

So far, this is the only quote I’ve got, hence trying to check price. If all it lets us do is get rid of a single door, then maybe that money is put to better use elsewhere.

£150 per hour may not be unreasonable and I get the reasons you mention could add to the cost. However, the scope of work supplied doesn’t mention anything along the lines of scrutiny by a third party for the fire engineer’s work. It sounds like they’re solely responsible for the work. I’m just wondering what the calculations and so on it will involve are if the methods of minimising the fire hazard are already known.

@nickjb
Yeah, the architect is pretty much on the right track, but it looks like things have changed. They used to be able to sign off designs as conformant based on previous work, but that’s no longer an option these days apparently. This is due to insurance requirement and their external QA apparently.

@flaperon
Planning department haven’t asked for anything explicitly. What I’ve been told by the architect is that if you use the council inspector, then they will ask for fire doors throughout, and a fire door to the entrance to the stairs at the ground floor or the floor above in addition to a sprinkler or mist system in the kitchen.

A fire engineer assessment could mean we can do away with the fire door requirement by building a smoke reservoir on the ground floor and use induction hobs in the kitchen. In other words, the fire engineer lets you interpret the regulations with a bit more flexibility than the fire inspector the council uses would.

Starting to sound more and more like my only option is to suck it up and pay. Would have been nice to have one more quote, but I guess them’s the breaks.

Thanks for the responses folks, really appreciate it. I’m going to try and answer the questions.

@nickjb
The architect has requested we do this. His opinion is that using a fire engineer is the simplest way to get not having a door at the entrance to the stairs signed off. I’ll double check.

EDIT: To add to this, requirements have now changed. QA and insurers now require architects to have independent assessors for anything that’s outside the norm. Previously, they could sign off designs were conformant based on existing work. We’re considering using a smoke reservoir and fire suppressant system so we don’t need the fire door, as the stairs exit into a kitchen which is a fire risk.

@joshvegas
Yup, bog standard new build on an estate. Wholly domestic dwelling.

@airvent
Fire engineers seem to be pretty busy at the moment. I’ve tried contacting a few and this is the only person who’s been able to quote. Even they are only able to fit the work in a few months down the line.

@dropoff
Sound advice, I’ll do that.

@freeagent
The architect does know. However, I don’t know if it’s because it’s a mist system vs a sprinkler system? I will double check.

@lesgrandepotato
Does “on a notice” mean under permitted development? I think the entire planning application is under building regulations anyway, though you could probably do just the attic conversion under permitted development.

Bloody hell, all this just to get some brrakes to work!

How does the piston setting kit work? I checked YouTube and I tried to find the manual for the tool on the SRAM site, but there’s nothing in there about how to use it.

On the plus side, today must be a little bit cooler as m brakes are not as slow to return anymore!

Nice one, got a link to where I can source the replacements from?

Cheers, TBH, I’m on the lookout for a new LBS so asking them to have a look again is out.

So it sounds like my options are:

– Try and siphon off the excess fluid from the lever end so it doesn’t rub.
– Check for a sticky piston. Should be able to do this in the stand.
– Clean off any gunk on the piston if it’s not retracting as expected.
– Ride it a bit and hope things get better :D

I’m not an awful mechanic, but it’s the time I don’t have. I guess it’s worth a go, becasue worst case, I’ll need to find a new LBS to have a look at bleeding it, best case, I fix it and I’m good.

So, this seems pretty unequivocal that goods sold before the date don’t attract UK VAT again:
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/vat-and-overseas-goods-sold-to-customers-in-the-uk-using-online-marketplaces#goods-sold-before-1-january-2021

But it makes no mention of how to signal this when the goods enter the UK. Typical politics, big on announcements, short on implementation.

Yeah, good point. I could try that. Thanks! It’s just that it’ll cost them money to process it that way I think.

I did not know any of this. Worth a shot before I write a strongly worded letter to the the poor lad who serviced my bike 😂

Thanks for the advice. I’ll have a go and report back.

Yeah, the actual bleed’s not too bad. I had a bunch of other servicing to do, hence the shop.

I’ll give that a check, thanks! I’ve got a bleed kit, but just a bit hacked off about the bleed.

My cover story is blown, so I’ll come clean. Shortly after the dent, I began digging a new patio.

Local PDR person’s quote is half that of Chips Away. Wonder why there’s such a massive difference.

@bigyim have you used the company in your link? They’re local to me, so I may be able to.

@sparkyrhini I watched one in the Scotty Kilmer channel. It looked a bit like dowsing for water 😮