My mum was at the extreme end, it was a pathological condition. She was in denial about it her entire life. When I was a kid, it was mainly just bits of material (she was an avid clothes maker) and books (she was a voracious reader). Sadly, in her later years, it progressed into not chucking anything away, bar food waste. Her bathroom was filled with empty plastic milk bottles, many of them unrinsed. You literally could not get into her flat, as the door opened like 6″ (being tiny, she could squeeze in and out, but nobody else could). Eventually it became a safeguarding issue for social services, who rehoused her in sheltered accommodation. Her flat was deemed a ‘serious fire hazard’ (she was a heavy smoker). How it didn’t go up in flames, what with all the paper etc around, is a **** miracle.
It can be an extremely debilitating condition; remember Mr Trebus on that Life of Grime documentary? My mum’s was on that scale. The roots of it are very complex; but many hoarders are in fact deeply creative and highly intelligent people. There is meaning to everything they keep. Deep set trauma is likely to be found at the root of it as well. Hoarders can be incredibly defensive to the point of violence; my mum would never let anyone help sort it out. ‘Leave it alone; it’s just a bit untidy’. She physically attacked me on a number of occasions, for trying to get rid of useless rubbish.
‘Treatment’ isn’t easy, or in some cases, possible. My mum did show signs of returning to the same behaviour in her new place. She was trying to create a ‘nest’ in which she felt safe, where she could hide herself away from the outside world. Her things were her ‘power’.
Hoarding is a condition where, at the extreme end, people can suffer ridicule and abuse. There is not enough understanding of it, or any effective form of treatment. We found support in a local hoarders self-help group. That was truly enlightening. I now see ‘hoarding’ as being at one end of a spectrum of behaviour; at the other extreme end are people who cannot have any clutter whatsoever, and end up throwing away things they actually need. Most of us are int he middle somewhere. I have hoarding tendencies; learned behaviour? My dad was also quite a hoarder, but nowhere near as bad. My wife is much more of a minimalist; she’s helped me get rid of loads of useless stuff, and was incredible in getting the right support and systems in place for my mum. Very organised mind. I do sometimes have to persuade her NOT to throw some things away though! No; I need those old football boots from when I was a kid, because reasons…
Perhaps for some it’s a form of transference; my mum was very solitary for most of her latter years, so perhaps she gave things some form of sentimental ‘value’, thus forming an ‘attachment’ that she couldn’t have with people. She got very upset if we threw actual rubbish out, without her first checking the entire contents. Just in case something ‘useful’ was in there, like a practical jar or container etc. She was the bane of social services and carers.
So when you talk about ‘hoarding’, think of where you are on a ‘spectrum’. Is it hoarding, or just ‘collecting’? There is a big difference.
