It sounds like a gravel bike would be the best fit for your riding. You can swap tyres depending on how much off-road you plan to do or just compromise.

Earplugs?

I’m a fan of the Tenn shorts. As waterproof as anything else I’ve tried and really comfy when you get the right size.

There’s so much more variation in MTB than road, in terms of geometry, suspension, terrain, riding style and priorities. I couldn’t possibly define a standard drop for myself, let alone more widely.

The bars on my Stooge are way higher than I’d want on a more racy suspended XC bike, for example.

If you haven’t tried it, it’s worth zip-tying your levers back to the bars overnight. It did the trick for me recently when I had the same issue.

Nice hot bath with all the oils, slip into your sauciest lingerie, housecoat over the top, clatter round to Fred’s in your stillettos and Change His Mind.

Treat your Vag to some bling hoops and rings? Maybe a carbon post?

A Vajazzle?

Moon Vortex Pro can be had for about £40 from, I think, Leisure Lakes. It’s bright, comes with helmet and bar mounts, and works for on or off road.

Buy a non-disc CX bike on Ebay? They go for peanuts

Ta, ordered

Happy with my Knuckleball. Worth £65, I reckon, depending on what else is on sale. I also have a super-light and very nice Exotic 780mm carbon bar which was even cheaper and nicer.

Pinnacle Lithium 5?

Yup, 29+ is great but it’s not a fatbike. Get a fatbike.

Of course butter. Then bramble jelly. Of course.

Riding down Dorking high street on my way to the station I saw a dark shape in the sky directly ahead. It got bigger and bigger till I realised it was a huge Canada goose coming in to land. It had obviously confused the road for a river. Well it narrowly missed me but not the van it touched down directly in front of. Anyway, it got up and wandered off down the high street, stopping to do a bit of window shopping on the way.

The Ryder looks interesting. What sort of run time does it give and can you pop in a spare battery?

I’ve got a Repack and like it. Not much room for a layer once it’s full of water but you’ll get a small windproof or gilet in there if you’re stowing a tube on the bike.

I was always into doing the techiest stuff I could and had no interest in non-technical riding or covering distance. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always like the big outdoors but MTB was all about adrenaline for me until recently. In the past few years I’ve got into bikepacking and it’s really changed my perspective. I still love all that techy stuff but my goals (and trips away) are much more focused on exploring and endurance. While I’ve loved every uplifted Alps-type trip I’ve done, I have more detailed and amazing memories from bikepacking.

I just need to retire now so I have time to do all the riding.

Or a fatbike. Similar use case to the above but different. And uniquely fun.

What about a short-travel fs 29er? Bikes like the Following, Smuggler and Segment are very capable but still fun on tamer trails.

I’ve fitted Lumicycle and Hope QR brackets to a variety of lights over the years. It’s always worked well

Are you sure about the head angle on your Anthem? It sounds unlikely and the Giant archive says 71. Still, makes no difference to what’s been said up there ^

Fleegles are good. I think the 25.4 bar/stem helps with

comfort, too

For what the OP is describing (and not worrying too much about budget), I’d go for a Cumulus 150 or 250 quilt, a Neo air x-lite mat and a Borah Gear ultralight bivy.

I reckon bear spray’s the answer

I swapped my pitchfork for a dildo and some candyfloss. Much happier these days.

Have you considered Jones loop bars as an alternative to drops? Lots of hand positions for touring comfort and no compromise offroad IME.

Lots of people dressed as knights/vikings/WW2 soldiers for various bits of filming or re-enactments.

A teenage girl getting a nosh in broad daylight on the footpath at the end of my road. I had to give a cheery ‘Good morning!’ So I could get past. I think I spoiled the moment for her.

Love this. My first ‘big-wheeled’ bike (back in the iron age) was a hand-me-down with rod brakes. I still bear the scars.

That’s odd. My Spec 2bliss tyres are super-sweaty

It’s a nice place to ride. I’ve not tried to track down anything techy but have done road and offroad bike packing trips to the island. There’s an ‘official’ road loop around the island which is nice, and it’s easy to put together long, scenic mtb rides. Bridleways are well signposted and right now will be in great shape.

Long, low, slack 180mm travel adventure enduro penny farthing with drum brakes and a walnut dashboard. I’m in

I did seven hot consecutive 12-hour days in a pair of old DHBs earlier this year. Yours for £40. Just let me know if you want me to wash them first.

Looks very ‘road-only’

I’ve got them front and rear on my Smuggler. I prefer it as a rear and certainly don’t find it draggy.

Tarp – unless it’s hosing down or blowing a hoolie.

In this weather, just a bag.

Love a bit of dry humour.

My money’s on too long a steerer / not enough spacers leaving the headset loose.

But it could be weevils.

JJs are great in the dry and just anout OK all year.

I wouldn’t put a Mammoth on the front, they’re OK as a rear but not as good as a JJ for anything.

Floaters are a good allrounder. Not as fast as JJs.