Firstly, I hear you. It is very hard with a teen disrupting your family and soaking up all the attention. I understand that you feel like you’re the only one who can help him. It will absorb all your effort and perhaps be unfair on all the other kids. That balance is very difficult. At some stage you will decide that there is only so much you can do. He has to accept responsibility. Without wishing to sound like I am blaming you, it might be that you are co-dependent, he knows that you you will always pick up after him and he will indulge himself because he knows you will always be there for him, and that’s good but as a teenager he will take the pee. It’s very hard but you might need to enforce some very difficult ground rules. Even very indulgent ones, but you need some lines on the sand.
Your lad does sound like he needs some help. I’ve not read all above, but have you tried CAMHS? They can be very good, a psychologist as opposed to a counsellor, so more expertise. The problem is that there was the often long waiting lists, bit if he talks of
“better off without me” this might be called ‘suicidal ideation’ and you would both be fast tracked’. Not a great way, but it might be better sooner rather than later.
Most importantly, you need to find a way of letting it go too. If you don’t keep yourself healthy, you won’t be able to support all those that need you, including your boy. It’s like the oxygen mask. Make sure you have yours before helping others.
The army is often promoted as a solution for boys needing ‘discipline’ that might work whilst he is on. But remember that when many who lack structure in their lives leave the army, the lose that structure again and can really suffer as a result. Only be careful.
