I have to say that I never cease to be amazed how people on here appear to be happy to argue the toss concerning almost anything

I know this is OT but I was told once that some people leave the house angry and agressive and give them an opportunity to act on it, they’ll take it. The essential underpinning of any bullying behaviour…

Anyways, some good thoughts here. I think Carshalton probably fits all my needs the best overall. Looking forward to sunshine, dusty trails and not having to fight through a load of traffic to get out on my bike(s) :-)

I hadn’t thought of Surbiton – always figured W was going to be more pricey than S London.
Carshalton also has the benefit of being on the line into Farringdon which is where the job I’m after is based…

Does depend on age, and whether boys or girls IME.
Babies, you can’t have much of a conversation with so you just have to do the coochy coo thing and make sure you tell the parents how adorable their baby is… offer to feed and look after if they’re bawling and give the parents a rest. I draw the line at nappies tho’!
Age 3-4 when you can hold a conversation (of sorts), personally I talk to them as an equal about things they think and know about or read them a story or watch TV with them. And general messing about. My godsons love being held upside down by their feet, or playing football or just general running about and playing. (I use them as my excuse not to grow up too much just yet!)
Basically you’re a bloke, we never grow up so just play around with them like you know you really want to :-)
Girls, same kind of thing I guess, just chat to them about things they’re interested in…

I don’t want to be too far out – still young enough to enjoy city life :-)

And yes Sydenham not for me. Nor Croydon ;-)
And yes South. You either a north of the river person or south. I’d feel like I was in a foreign city if I lived north of the river!

Clearly you have family and friends to go to for help, and you’ve had the balls to post here and go to the Police but I would suggest, if things feel particularly hard over the next few days/weeks, that you access every bit of help and support available to you.
I suspect that in years to come you’ll look back at this moment and realise it was the best decision you ever made…

I left my job a few months ago – no payout. It was a horrible job and loads of people were stressed and were hacked off with the utter chaos and tribal politics.
Wrongly, I blamed myself for quite a few weeks but talking openly with friends and family, keeping an eye on my mental health and taking the opportunity to do all the exercise I wanted (making sure I was getting a regular input of dopamine and feelings of achievement) have kept my spirits up.
If you liked your job then apply for similar stuff again. If you didn’t and fancy a change, worth taking this op to re-direct your career into something more satisfying. ‘How To Get A Job You’ll Love’ by John Lees is a good book which is a lot cheaper than professional career coaching.
Personally I found spending time searching for jobs a very useful way to use all my spare time – kept me thinking about the future. And there’s enough people been made redundant over the last few years that I don’t think it counts against you.
And just think how much ££ you can spend on a new bike if you get a new job next month and don’t need all that redundancy cash to live on!
Good luck

She asked me what time and I said about 11ish. She told me it would have to be earlier as she leaves for work at 7:30. When I asked why I would have to leave earlier, she replied “because after the other night, the babysitter is scared of you”.

OP: You can see the manipulation here can’t you? She senses you’re calling her bluff. a) she’s trying to put a barrier to you going out when you choose (control) and b)she knows that making you feel guilty has made you stay in the past – blaming you for how the babysitter allegedly feels.

I’m not a pro here, my experience comes from dealing with a bullying boss but I would doubt that this will become a ‘war of words’ as you put it, as others more experienced in these things than me have said, it’s likely to escalate into more serious stuff the minute she realises the game’s up – you already know she’s violent.

Maybe worth going straight to the Police when you leave and tell them what you’ve done. Then if she tries to pin something on you, they heard from you first…

My eyes were opened when I bought this book to help me deal with the bullying boss, it’s a quick read and I can highly recommend it to help you see her manipulations more clearly and how to respond to them/change your own behaviour to help stop it happening in the first place. [Can’t get linky to work, it’s called Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing £7 from Amazon]

Due respect
I’m surprised Red Bull weren’t involved

Ranmore Common is particularly steep!
All good advice above, as is not letting momentum build up so much as your braking capability on a road bike is never likely to be as good as discs.
I would say though that the top end brakes I have on my summer road bike are a hell of a lot better than the brakes on my winter road bike. 105 should be good enough but some of the hills in Surrey Hills whilst short, are quite steep and it might be worth upgrading if your adjustments don’t leave you happy…

+1 for the get away asap. As in today. She clearly has major issues if she’s treating you and her kids like that. Do you know the circumstances under which the father left/history of her own childhood? I suspect the story will be similar.

My take is she’s left the kids with you today so you won’t leave today, having seen you finally get the police involved she knows you’ve had enough and you’re about to leave. I suspect her manipulations and bullying will increase now.

But frankly I think your own kids are your priority. As much as it would feel bad to leave her kids to such a parent, they surely come as priority #2 to yourself and your own family?

Respect for opening up to a bunch of strangers. Takes courage for a bloke to talk about this kind of treatment IMO.

Oh and at times like this IME you find out how great friends and family can really be…

Good luck.

Education and training from an early age and ongoing IMO.

A lot of what I call bad cycling – whether experienced people or newbies – I think comes from a lack of understanding of the law, their rights, and the dangers they are in. Of from a lack of confidence which also comes from a lack of understanding of how to ride assertively and defensively.

If you think about it, if some people are aware of how to cycle safely then it’s possible for everyone to be aware how to cycle safely. The knowledge exists but not everyone has it.

Training and education transfers that knowledge to the cycling masses. Proven courses (Bikeability) already exist.

I guess the debate really has to be around how to fund it and whether it should be made compulsory.

a) Some people want to pay well over the odds. It’s part of the appeal. It’s a status thing. ‘I have more money than I know what to do with’
b) What’s wrong with Rapha selling stuff to these people? You don’t have to buy it if you don’t want to.
c) What’s the problem with the way they sell cycling as a bit of a lifestyle? It attracts new people to the sport. How else do you expect cycling to grow? Remembering that the more people do it the more funding we’ll get for trail centres, better rights of way, safer roads etc

* I agree with some of the detractors here ie: I don’t buy Rapha because I can get good quality stuff that lasts me years of regular use without having to spend that kind of cash but I don’t see why the world is somehow a worse place because they exist…

um. I thought customer service was all about giving good service, irrespective of your own opinions, circumstances, need etc. Call me old-fashioned!
That said, the great British public can (not always, but too often) be utterly unpleasant if they don’t get what they want in a buying environment…
But at the end of the day if you’ve been treated badly you have to treat the next customer like you want really want his business…

If it’s doing your head in, and upsetting your wife and kids, maybe worth asking for some professional help?

As a natural introvert who prefers my own company or that of a few close friends I have a serious issue with the pressure that comes from some that there’s something wrong with you for not being smiley and cheerful all the time. That’s a serious lack of empathy on their part IMO.

The fact is we’re all on a scale of introvert/extrovert quiet/chatty and there’s nothing wrong with being at either end of the scale.

But if you and people who love you are concerned, worth a chat with the experts IMO

2 things, IMHO:
1. If you (and your wife) think you might have a problem then it’s definitely worth going to see the doc and getting their thoughts. They might just reassure you that you’re worrying too much, or they might refer you for some help. Either way it will give you some peace of mind.

2. If you tried to discuss negative feelings you have with your parents and they brushed it off and blamed you, then IMO there is a problem there that you might benefit from resolving as it sounds like there’s not a fully open and honest relationship there (perfectly normal IME mind you!) From what you say it’s them not willing to have the necessary conversation that you tried to start but professional guidance may help you lead that conversation better.
FWIW I was angry with my Dad for years and a bit of counselling helped me take responsibility, empathise with him and we get on better now than we ever did and I can see he really appreciates that I took the lead he didn’t feel he could…
HTH

I predict this will go the same way as illegal downloading and record companies. They brought the lawyers in to stop something happening that they didn’t like and then realised because so many people were doing it, they couldn’t stop it happening and gave up fighting.
There aren’t enough lawyers in the world to keep up with the number of people downloading illegally.

Equally, there are too many people communicating online and too many places to publish for the lawyers to keep up with, which means in practice the super injunctions won’t actually be able to enforce any kind of silence… it would be like trying to pick up each individual grain of salt piece by piece after you dropped the whole bag on the floor…

I don’t see the point of them. They don’t protect the nearest and dearest from their dodgy behaviour, just the great unwashed.

I don’t think that is the point tbh.
These are people who’ve done something they don’t want other people to know about – usually something nefarious or illegal if you look at cases so far. It’s not their nearest and dearest they’re worried about (otherwise they wouldn’t have been having an affair in the first place!) It’s their public image, which affects their career and income stream… that they’re trying to protect…

The implications of super-injunctions are starting to scare me a bit.
I can’t believe that STW and us as participants/customers who are all bound together by an interest in mountain bikes are being impacted by legal actions by people we’ve never even met and have no great interest in. That’s insane!
It’s like we have to self-censor about everything we say about people in the public eye just in case someone we mention (unknown to us and STW) gets STW into legal trouble.
That’s clearly an unsustainable situation. It’s like we’ve accidentally created a thought police state, but without an actual head of state trying to control…

No criticism of the STW stance here, more dumbfounded that something apparently unrelated to STW seems to be having such a fundamental impact on the site. I mean, are forum publishers going to start shutting down to avoid putting themselves in the line of fire, totally accidentally?

This book could help

Think about things you enjoy and have a talent for and find a job that meets those requirements…

Bomba made me cry :-)

Shoes here…

You lot! LOL. A simple question about life in London and you’ve turned it into a classic STW argument about left and right wing politics!!
Sadly, given the superiority of the riding up North, it does look like I’ll end up back in London Village for work.

Anyways, a few factoids to throw into the mix, just for the fun of it:

1. The Mini – one of Britain’s ‘biggest manufacturing success stories’ – lost £30 on everyone made. They were nationalised at the time so that loss was paid for by taxpayers. Is that what we want? BMC Wikipedia link

2. The City does not make up 100% of the financial services industry and the contribution financial services makes to the UK economy. For example, LloydsTSB had in 2007 around 70,000 employees. About 40,000 IIRC were employed in branch, earning much closer to the UK median salary…

As you were….

My health and fitness
Bikes, riding them, and the cycling community in general
Good friends and family + all the other people you meet with a sense of generosity and perspective
The ability to think for myself… although I think it gets me into trouble sometimes!

Go to a decent road shop and ride a few and go with what you prefer.
I found Cannondale too long for me and Specialized spot on.
Try a carbon and steel and ally and decide for yourself which material you like. I love my carbon road bike – it’s so stiff but really comfortable. Worth looking at the Boardman carbon bikes IME

Bunnyhop – Member
I’d still rather live up here though thanks, money isn’t everything.
Here, here I couldn’t agree more.
brooess – I know that you’ve really enjoyed your time up here. Is It worth staying and go job hunting a little further a field?

If I could I’d live in Manchester and London (and Pembrokeshire) all at the same time, they’re all ace in their own way. Northern quality of life IMO is calmer and more friendly. There’s the small matter that most of my friends are in London, and there’s less drizzle. Drizzle = inside, sunshine = out riding.
And a much better chance of a the kind of work I do and therefore an income in That London…

I knew this would turn into a North/South STW-special!

Depends how steep the camber is. If it’s flat it may not be too bad. If it’s steeply cambered down the slope it’d be hard IMO

Whenever you want it to?

Some of my friends ask me when I’m going to be less obsessed about riding bikes – I think they think I’m getting too old for it and should aspire to a slower pace of life…
What they don’t know is I’m never going to stop loving riding bikes :-)

Below the picture, the drop is a further 300m

If it’s below the picture how’re we supposed to tell you?

That bus driver needs to be made an example of…
Worth speaking to the CTC for advice in the best way to approach this to ensure you get justice and driver is made to face up to her responsibilities
Quite shocked that driver’s attitude to nearly seriously injuring you was so callous.
Hope you’re ok…

A tesla I’ve ridden next to a few times in grosvenor square made more than enough road noise with its tyres

In a very subtle way are you trying to tell us you’re landed gentry/a Russian billionaire?

Surely you’ve a ‘gentleman’s gentleman’ to drive yr Tesla for you ;-)

I don’t think it is entirely. As said above, what you get at the bottom end for the same nominal sum of c£400 is waaay better than what we were getting 15 years ago.
Sometimes it feels like I’m spending loads on bike kit but if I wasn;t spending it on bikes I’d probably be driving a more expensive car, going on a pricer holiday, buying more clothes etc.

All bikes are good bikes, but frankly, it’s not a race people!

You what?
Yes it is! :-)

Enjoy :-)

What’s Facebook?
Primarily, it’s an approval-seeking mechanism for attention whores…

POSTED 3 HOURS

To be fair, it is a narcissist’s dream. As is all social media.
But FB wouldn’t be as popular among the masses if it didn’t have a use for normal people too.

Sorry for the sensible comment. Sometimes I think I should be an accountant ;-)

Give people the access and ask them to be responsible with it ie: in breaks only, or in your own time.
Penalties for those who aren’t responsible – down to individual line managers to manage it, same as people who come in late/.leave early/take excessive tea/fag breaks…
Some companies are still living in the dark ages and haven’t yet realised that if you treat employees well they’ll work harder and better…

The point is, it’s footpath. And it’s been there for years. Many reasons why we don’t want ‘more riders down it’:
1. It’s a footpath, we have no right of way and it winds the walkers/rangers up
2. More bikes will cause more erosion which is destructive
3. More bikes will make it less of a challenge thereby missing the point entirely
4. The left hand path is perfectly challenging

I’ve seen a couple of MBR journos riding around Surrey Hills before.
Kevin from Corrie driving through Altrincham a couple of weeks ago, coming back from a road ride.
Oh, and the Queen, driving towards Kingston. That was a road ride too.
Do I win a medal for that?

Lee Quarry one is very good. Bit of a trek from Derby tho

Soon I hope. I want to go and ride my bike