What are "tyres"?

So your Halloween costume's sorted then, ay?

Glad to see Barnsleymitch survived the night though

But will he last another…?

I know for certain it's not zero.

It's me, I'm the bike-robbing scally! Mwhahahahaha!

Luckily for you lot you're all safe as I work in a bike shop so help myself to a bike each and every day and satisfy my need.

I don't sell them on, I just pile them under my bed and sleep soundly knowing they're there. It's comforting, y'know?

Mmm, good plan, Heathen.

Ok, my old login was 'jawj', possibly with something after that (I've been away for a long time).

Okeley dokeley, 'Project Coordinator', well, we'll see how that goes (me, who could not organise a wife swap at swingers' party…)

Any volunteers to do the work?

Also, parts we need initially, as we seem to have the frame already:

Forks
Wheels
Brakes
Mechs
Bars

I've got a nice chainset that can go on, saddles galore and stems aplenty.

I'll get a proper list of people added to parts organised when I can get a break from work… :-)

But some of us have to work in the morning and don't want to miss a beat!

Good on ya, Heathen; now we just need some more offers of bits and ideas for a worthy receiver of the finished beauty!

Also, I've noticed that this thread has been tagged: "beware this guy has only been on the forum 1 week" which made a little bit sad. What a cynical attitude, though a bit justified I guess. I used to have a different username, but forgot both the password and which bleedin' email address I registered with…

But anyway, I've no interest in stealing parts from all you guys in the name of charity: I have just too many bikes already.

Thanks again all!

I have no **** idea what's going on here, but I'm pretty certain it's beddytime for a lot of you guys – your keyboards have done enough.

It appears, Heathen, you may have the desirable frame this project is looking for!

I've got lots of spare bits, but the more people involved, the better as the team effort really shines through :-)

Is anybody/everybody willing to spend a few pennies in 2nd class post to get their bits posted to one location? I can service shonky bearings/rebuild wonky wheels and source new cables so the bike is good as.

Ooh, I'm getting dead excited now!

Thanks everyone who's offered bits so far, I reckon this could actually work.

Keep the ideas coming for where the bike could go.

I would prefer any bike that was built to go to someone who had their bike nicked and due to circumstances such as unemployment or illness could not afford to replace it.

Yeah, I'm inclined that way too, as much as I like the idea of raising money for charity, it seems more personal to 'keep it in the family' as bike that someone on here will actually use (not that I;m wishing misfortune on anyone, but shite happens sometimes).

Good on ya, Rob. I too have piles and piles of stuff just waiting to be used. And, like you, I also believe that those smug little penguin basturds don't deserve a bike, so sorry for mentioning Antartica.

The crucial question is… Anyone have a frame they don't need…?

(Takes a bow)

Thank you for your kind words.

Made you feel a bit queasy, some of you, ay? Well, to repeat the advice I was given: MTFU. This is the real world, people, and zit happens.

By my various gods, how many of us are there on here with mental problems…???

From my limited experience, that sounds like arse-abcesses to me.

Also from my experience I shall paraphrase the advice I was repeatedly given: "I had those when I was about four years old and dug 'em out with a rusty teaspoon: just MTFU and pop it, you girl."

EDIT: bum spots from cycling have can sometimes be prevented and lessened by lashings of Germolene on yer cheeks beforehand.

I've been an RMN

Really Mean Nutter? Right Muddy Nightcrawler? Royal Mail Nurse? (Helping posties back to work after long weeks of waving banners and drinking tea outside sorting office gates?)

The knogs are indeed convenient, and ALL the cool kids have them on their fixie bandwagon bikes, but they are at the bottom of the light-tech pile: not a lens to be seen resulting in bare LEDs that throw out their light in a rather untidy, undisciplined, and downright lazy way.

Cateye brackets are cheap, easy to fit and the new ones are very well thought out.

bananaworld – why not start a new thread?

I'm scared that no one will reply…

Rich – sorry to hijack your thread, dude. If this thing kicks off though, maybe needy souls such as yourself could get a vaguely serviceable ATB to play on and rekindle that off-road joy. In your case I think you might need to have a rethink about what you actually need in order to have fun off-road: sure, a plastic Cannondale full-susser is quicker than an old hi-ten iron Trek, but I've had loads of fun rides on shonky bikes, so see what local skips and adverts in rags can throw up. Enjoy! :-)

Perhaps this idea should be resurrected?

Definitely!

We can just all post whatever bits to whoever needs them, it's not that expensive and sometimes they're not on strike ;-)

(I'll happily volunteer – I work in a jolly decent workshop and can do all the wrenching and post the bike out to wherever it needs to go – possibly to the winner of some sort of charity auction/comp/thingy?)

Getting the decorators in

None of the pansy little mirror-splatterers in my life so far prepared me for, or even came close to, what awaited me inside the skin of my brow…

BLAM!!

BLAM!!!

BLAM!!!!

BLAM!!!!!

BLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a hit that was.

Howdy Rich,

One bike is enough, and can keep that spark alive that can only be attained with the freedom that comes from cycling – on-road, off-road, whatever, it's all free.

Try other things, use your bike for getting about and shopping, keep up the running and one day you'll find a sweet, cheap ATB and head for teh hills again.

(Love the idea of a stock of bits peeps can dip into: I've got mountains of junk that I'm sure lots of guys 'n' gals could make use of. Maybe we could have a freecycle/swapping sort of system…?)

Sorry to hear things have got to the point where you're having 'happy pills' prescribed, and saddenned to hear about your dad, Tails.

I've been on several antidepressants in the past: fluoxetine at first, then citalopram, then a SNRI that I can't remember the name of. Basically they turned me into someone with deep, deep lows and amazing highs into quite a boring, average kinda guy, for the time I was taking them.

Looking back, that might not be such a bad thing, actually, and I could do with that occasionally now. However, I would really miss the ability to have a boundless, unrestrained laugh every now and then, which is what those drugs took away.

You just need to find something to get you through the low bits. Oh yes, I know VERY WELL, that that's a shedload easier said than done, and I haven't found anything to help me. Sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit better, I can look at the bigger picture of myself and see that if I can just cope with the sh!tty times, the good times are alright.

Sheesh, what a silly ramble that all was. Take the pills for a bit if you want, they probably won't kill you, but they may well make life quite a bit duller.

Be honest now, Scaredy, could you have waited…?

like following a 747

I thought flashing taillights on widebody jetliners contravened British Standards.

I could be wrong though.

Interesting stuff, Mrs Weekes, thanks for that. Why did the nurse prescribe fucoffocillin, in that case? Is it just another one of those cases where it's an ailment that'll sort itself out but they give you some pills to shut you up…?

Ah yes, and here's the pic of the second squeeze:

Again, there's greater things to come!

And, greatape, I was hating this spot all day yesterday and through the piddle-taking at work today, but the squeezage this evenign has made it ALL worthwhile… :-D

I gave it a little prick and an experimental squeeze:

There's more to come, and I think we all know it…

Aw, Liquid, you're too kind!

Just wait til I get these photos loaded up…

Can you not just get a US keyboard and tip-ex the different keys with the correct symbol?

Or just live with the ####ing annoying ####y ####ing US Dell keyboard and commit lots of ALT-codes[/url] to memory…

Krakatoa heat yer heart out!

For your viewing pleasure:

Finalement the darn thing has developed a soft centre, like those mints.

I hope none of my housemates see me as I disappear into the bathroom with a bottle of alcohol gel and a camera…

Hello Scaredy,

I haven't been a teenager for a fair few years, though I still get my share of zits and mirror-redecorating eruptions. In my experience it's possible to elicit a reaction from even headless swellings, though this is one tough MF.

Thanks for the hints about the cellulitis though – and I thought only fat birds got cellulite ;)

And you'll be pleased to hear that the nurse asked me more than once, explicitly, if I was allergic to anything/Penicillin, rather than just come out with a casual, "Is that ok?" What surprised me was the manner of asking: it was like she was leaving room for me to say, well, gee, I dunno, does it come in metallic pink? or something.

Drip some hot candle wax onto it.

Mmmmm….. I usually have to pay for that service….

Thanks, Kona, though flatboy's effort is simply superlative.

Well, mediæval ailments call for mediæval treatments, so I'll bear it in mind, thanks Nutter.

Wait a minute, there are FEDS on here…????

Right, er, all bets are off; he just gave it to me, it was a present; I'm holding it for a mate; the money was just resting in my account.

Phew, that was a close one.

In my haste to ensure you got the cash-cow ball rolling I completely forgot to say: glad to hear you're ok! :-)

Yeah, some delicious variety of penicillin ("Is that ok?" asked the nurse, to which I had absolutely no answer as that's not the sort of question I am qualified to respond to.)

I wasn't entirely forthcoming about the attempt at Lanceting but I did confess to trying to give it a squeeze or two to which the nurse, bless her, replied, "Well, who wouldn't?" :-)

To further butter me up, she actually used the phrase, "Ooh, that's quite a big one isn't it!?" which is not something you get to hear everyday…

How about heading over the classifieds, while you're waiting, and getting yourself a lovely new pair of Bonty 29er wheels to go on your new mount? ;)

http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/bontrager-29er-race-lite-wheelset

So, at the end of the day, whose advice did I take?

Well, you sickos on here will disappointed to learn that TJ's word won the day and I went to sample the thrills of Croydon's NHS walk-in centre.

A less-than-I-expected wait of 2 hours ensued during which time I was able to be delightedly disturbed from my book by no less then three pairs of (erm, how can I put this politely?) chavs/scrotes/scallies/neds coming in to get 'prophylactics'. Now, fair play to them for making the effort not to bring more wasted lives into the world, but I nearly bit right through a 350ish-page book when one of them asked the lady on reception, "Er, how about some lube?"

then they all come running out

Wish they'd bleedin' get a move on, this things hurts. Any idea of the timescale, Sam?

Oh yes, thanks for your advice everyone! Hats off to Jeremy :-)

Did he stop? Police involved? Any witnesses? Insurance details?

If you're not a member of BC or CTC (hint: everyone who cycles really ought to be…) then try one of those no-win-no-fee outfits: I'm sure peeps on here can recommend some.

Probs best, as per Monsieur Nutt, to ditch the plastic forks.

I said don't attempt to lance it

Yeah, but everyone else was telling me to MTFU and pop it. If throughout the course of history men had listened to the voice of reason rather than trying to prove how big their willies were, where would civilisation be today??

I'll pop into the walk-in centre in a bit. I did briefly consider phoning NHS direct but they would inevitably ask me, as they always do, if it disappeared when I pressed a glass on it and if I have a stiff neck and if I'm adverse to bright light. I dare you to call them, greatape, and see if you can get ANY diagnosis other than meningitis regarding your verruca…

I've had a thought

Steady on.

Epic fail.

There's so much swelling above and around the bastid thing that finding the actual deposit is impossible. Despite jabbing the pin into various bits of it all I got was a little bit of blood and, though I tried to MTFU, plenty of pain and a watery eyes.

Is that white bit on it the head or just light reflecting?

Just the flash. I wish it had a head!!!

B@llocks to it, I'll leave it alone. What's the worst that can happen?

Right, sod it, I'm gonna give the needle another go.

Should I ice it or hot water it first?

The woman in that pic's got blokes hands.

I wondered where I'd put mine down.