Congratulations! You don’t need a telly if you have a cat, they are a constant source of amusement. How about a bike related name? Remember that you may have to go out the front of the house and call her on occasion so it’s important to pick something that makes you look totally mental. My two are Greebo and Rizla.

Really very nice you lucky, lucky bastard. What’s the saddle? I think I want one. Good weather this weekend apparently, hope you enjoy the test ride.

Think most short cage mechs top out at 34, check on CRC as they give the maximum and minimum cassette sizes with the mech info.

You’ll notice it loads, especially when coming out of corners and climbing.

Another vote for the mrp device, works great and looks the nuts. Have you forsaken front mechs for ever more? I’m never using one again.

I look like a complete penis anyway, what I wear doesn’t make a difference.

Fallout 3

Another vote for Jelly Babies. Tesco have them for half price at the moment. They are guilt free too as they contain no fat, you can also bite their heads of in rage when you puncture one more time than you have spare tubes.

Read an article recently ( sorry, can't remember where ) that said that Middleburn had finally relented and are going to start making their stuff for external bbs. Checked their site and could find no news about it so can't confirm.

Red. Raw looks like you have no style. And they go faster.

Go for the Hilleberg Akto, they really are bombproof. The Terra Novas are tempting due to the weight but as has been mentioned, the quality is awful. Be a real man and get a bivi instead.

What sort of jacket do you want? All the stuff I use falls firmly into the lightweight category so afraid I'm a bit biased. If you're after something like this then IMO the best I've ever used ( and still do ) is the OMM Kamleika Smock. Light (250g), packs small, looks great, has thumbloops and doesn't rustle. A steal at 90 quid.

Drugs

Get the CR500. And some new underwear. Rode one once, handed it back with a polite smile and vowed never to be that scared ever again. Get yourself a BMX, recently ressurected my old one and realised why I love bikes, I felt 14 again.

If I lived in Cumbria I'd never move away from it.

Use the bolt up versions on my commuter as it means I don't need to secure the wheels, no problems so far and they come in all sorts of colours so you can add a bit of bling.

Gave up on it when it started to become more like work than a game.

Beauty. Super skinny steel tubes look so sexy. What's the head angle? It looks steep, which I also like.

Used them on BMXs years ago when they came as standard equipment. Cheap and maintenance free but all you can do is lock the wheel with them so scrubbing off speed is a real pain. Difficult to use if pedals are not level and therefore crap in an emergency.

The spelling is what is wrong with the ad.

Money Box Live is the worst show on R4, Money Box Undead would be far more appropriate. Nearly forgot Quote, Unquote, " Utter Toilet ", and you can quote me on that.

Rollins Band – Rejection
Bloodhound Gang – No Hard Feelings

Should have gone to Specsavers.

Take an Ipod.

How sane can she be if she fancies a relationship with a bloke who spends his spare time riding an overpriced bike around the woods.

Don't listen to all the above rubbish, jealousy is a terrible thing. It looks gorgeous and I wish you every joy of it. Hope you get sunshine to shred in.

Uk riders like do it all bikes as compared to most other places we have a lot of different terrain crammed into a very small area. I went riding with some Americans years ago and they were amazed at the different stuff they could ride in the course of a day. I would predict that the largest amount of "do it all" tyres are sold in the UK market due to terrain and weather conditions. The mud clearance thing is part of the issue, look at the difference in bikes designed on the east and west coasts of the US. Plus, we are Brits and probably just like to be different and quirky. More power to the LT HT.

Be careful, a mate had his bike on home contents insurance and was refused payment as the bike was stolen from his garage.

Diamondback Viper, would sell my mother to have it back.

Shoe gazer

Wore my Icebreaker for 2 weeks on the Pennine Way ( hiking, sorry ) and couldn't detect any smell. They do get very damp with sweat as they don't really wick, they manage moisture ( sorry but don't know the science behind this ). After 2 years of very heavy wear, the material has become very thin around the shoulders and back where my pack rubs and I managed to stick my thumb through it when taking it off. Still think it's one of the biggest bargains I've ever bought and will never go back to synthetics.

Time is relative, it goes more slowly when you're with your relatives.

Oh come on, how come nobody has mentioned Westwood yet. Utter toilet.

Fuel My Fire – The Prodigy, original by L7
Little Red Rooster – The Rolling Stones, original by Howling Wolf

Lusso shorts. These date from the first coming of baggies, so are getting on a bit. Apart from a few fag burns ( yeah, I know ) they still look good and are the most comfortable I own. I hope to be buried in them.

Been using new Deore (595) which came fitted on new bike and have had no end of trouble with them, rubbing, random pad re-alignment, massive changes in lever feel and loud wet weather squealing. When funds allow they will be the first upgrade.

Try a Bothy bag instead.

Helmet > Size Matters
Orange 9mm > Tragic
Mudhoney > Superfuzz Bigmuff
Type O Negative > Bloody Kisses

Rock on!

Any ex weight lifters? A dumbell bar and weights makes a great headset press.

Try going into the corner with the pedals level and placing the inside foot at the back, it will make it far more difficult to get your knee down.