Even professional sports people have an off season to relax, both physically and mentally. It’s not a sign of strength to be constantly pushing and being hard on yourself, it’s a sign of a potential mental health problem. You can’t be at your peak constantly, our bodies don’t work like that. Pro athletes have very specific training plans which enables them to hit their peak at specific points in the season. Football managers infamously rotate their squad to rest their key players so they’re fresher later in the season. What makes you think an amateur cyclist is any different?
Seeing 2 hours messing about at Leeds Urban Bike Park as a waste of time isn’t a good sign. If you just want to get fitter then stay on a turbo trainer, but hitting jumps, berms and flowy trails is meant to be fun and rewarding, not just a work out.
Go easier on yourself. It sounds like you’re a decent athlete and in good shape, so focus on that. I’d also suggest a training plan of some kind. This doesn’t have to mean pushing at 100% every time, I’m sure good training plans also focus on lower intensity days and ones where you can focus on skills rather than just fitness. But it might help give some focus and give you an excuse to have days where you’re not setting PBs.