I’m an accountant and in my last role I worked with a lot of small retailers and was involved in a lot of tax investigations. If you think that the big boys are the only tax avoiders you’d be very, very wrong. If you pay cash to a small retailer there’s a better than 25% chance that it goes straight into the retailers pocket – avoiding 20% VAT and at least 20% tax. There are many reasons to use the High Street and local traders but the tax evasion position isn’t one of them, IMO.

I’ve heard others complaining that he should be donating to a UK charity not a French one. Its Jingoism gone mad I tell you.

Can’t beat a bit of reverse snobbery. A 4X4 like a RR or Q7 is a statement of wealth, the same as a big house or a holiday home in the sun. People are entitled to send their wealth as they see fit. And I’m pretty sure (although I have’t checked) that the environmental argument doesn’t stack up.

Lament him, Mauchline husbands a’,
He aften did assist ye;
For had ye staid hale weeks awa,
Your wives they ne’er had miss’d ye.

Ye Mauchline bairns, as on ye press
To school in bands thegither,
O tread ye lightly on his grass, –
Perhaps he was your father!

Slightly O/T: Has anybody used a leccy razor for shaving their bonce?I’m a baldy and clipper it down with no gauge. So a number zero if you like. I’d still like it a bit shorter but not quite ready for the full Yul Brinner. I though maybe a leccy razor might be a good middle ground. Any experiences?

If you need to ask these questions, then they’re not your friends. Friends wouldn’t change Xmas plans on you with 24 hours notice; friends wouldn;t mind if other friends’ kid brought a g/f with them and most relevantly friends don’t not see each other for 6 years.

I got a stapler and paper punch set once.

I’ve decided at the tender age of 40, and off the wagon until Christmas day, I’m to old for all that I can’t be bothered do its the perfect excuse….

It was our Christmas lunch on Monday. I turned 40 on Sunday. My team are all at least ten years younger than me. When I told them I wasn’t going to lunch, and they asked why I told them I couldn’t be @rsed. I’ve decided at the tender age of 40 I don’t need an excuse.

I keep a balance sheet in Excel to reconcile against my ltd company’s bank statements

That’s not a balance sheet its a bank rec.

Preparing a balance sheet (which is what you need to submit to CH) can be a bit complicated but I think you could probably manage it with a bit of help. I still reckon you’d be better paying for a year end only service. It’d save pillocking about at HMRC’s website trying to file your statutory accounts information as well.

The FRS categories are weird, so are the VAT amounts – hairdressers pay more than publicans, tobacconists or journalists.

Not at all: the rates are based on what an avergae standard rate trader in the same sector pays. Its turnover based. On a standard basis, you deduct the VAT on your purchases from the VAT on your sales. So a trader who buys and sells beer or tobacco, will necessarily pay more than a hairdresser who has less purchase VAT to deduct as most of their costs will be labour which has no VAT on it.

“miss a catch” Slip?

“strike at the golfer”: cufflinks? To “cuff” is to trike and links is a seadside golf course. Tenuous at best, I appreciate.

“Found in a Tulsa riding school” SARI

I use the sonos app on my iphone. Works perfectly well. I’d imagine a tablet app to be the same.

The colleague I mentioned above insisted on having a business account and paying himself a wage (simply by transferring money into his personal account each month), as he thought that’s what he’d be taxed on – until I put him straight.

If he ran a limited company that wouldn’t be far wrong. Except of course the company would have tax to pay also.

Coolhandluke, without knowing your numbers, I couldn’t say whether I could save you money, but two questions I would ask initially are:

1) Are you on the VAT flat rate scheme?
2) What is the “salary” aspect of your remuneration?

(For the avoidance of doubt, I am absolutely NOT touting for business)

Our standard fee is £99 but if you do your own VAT or aren’t registered, we drop it to £79. Your current accountant might also offer a year end only service. That might work in your circumstances.

I agree. Although I’m coming from a different angle as I’m an accountant specialising in contractors. Anything below £90, I think you’d struggle to be able to deliver a decent standard of service.

I think you’ll find this guy has done OK: http://www.nodegree.co.uk/

I’m in exactly the same business and do pretty well without a degree. The only degree-holder I’ve ever employed was a complete donut. Absolutely zero common sense.

And judging by some of the posts above, having a degree doesn’t help with spelling or punctuation.

Beecraigs in Linlithgow. http://www.beecraigs.com/deer/deer_sales.htm

Its not just here. There’s a Myleene Klass in her kecks one following me around ‘tinternet. I quite like it tbh.

Too damn late. The plot has been sold. This morning.

Cool. Thanks for the help. I’ll phone the cooncil.

Mikey, I’m in the Falkirk area.

I know three labradoodles. They are all absolutely bonkers. Friendly enough but to my mind, really stupid.

Get a golden retreiver. Mine’s are basically floorcoverings most of the time but are also more than happy to walk, run, swim for as long as you like. They do cast a lot mind.

Mega City Four anybody? I saw them, Jesus Jones, Ned’s and the Wonder Stuff on the same bill in 1989 at the Barrowlands. Saw the Wonder Stuff touring 8 legged groove machine a couple of years ago and the were still pretty good. Miles Hunt though, perfect for rhyming slang.

I’ve been in almost the exact situation the OP finds himself in: We had a border collie and when our first child was born, he flipped. Obviously a heirarchy thing. He never bit the boy, but he took a chunk out of the doctor who came to check on the baby and he tried to bite people on the street a couple of times. I spoke to the RSPCA and the vet about rehoming and both suggested I was just moving the problem on to someone else. We put him down. Tough to do but the only decision really.

The bit about it that really boils my piss, is them indignantly asserting that they pay tax as they pay PAYE. NO YOU ****ING DON’T!!! YOUR EMPLOYEES DO!!! THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING, YOU UTTER ****S!!!

They do pay 13.8% employer’s NIC which is something I suppose.

Guy walks into the bedroom, where his wife is lying in bed, with a sheep under his arm and says “This is the pig I sH@g with when you’re not around” His wife says “I think you’ll find that’s a sheep”. The guy says “I think you you’ll find I was talking to the sheep”

These are close:

The Importance of Being Idle – Oasis
One Day Like This – Elbow
Friday I’m In Love – The Cure
Some Candy Talking – JAMC
Pale Blue Eyes – Velvet Underground.

But the winner is There Is A Light That Never Goes Out – The Smiths.

But like Shibboleth says, it varies from day-to-day, hour-to-hour.

Christ. I never thought I’d be depressed but I’ve had the blues for a wee while now and reading through this thread, maybe I have depression. There’s often times when I have to force myself to get out of bed in the morning; I very regularly avoid doing things I know I’ll enjoy for no apparent reason; I’m regularly accused of lacking emotion as I rarely display affection nor do I get angry (although on he inside I get very wound up about things) and I avoid confrontation; I worry about my effectiveness as a father; and I think, think, think all the time.

Here’s the thing though, I am for all intents and purposes a successful person: I have a great missus, three great kids, my own business in a field where I am respected, a comfortable living, no financial worries. I had a loving and steady upbringing and I’ve never really experienced any major traumas in my life.

I know I’ve nothing to be depressed about and I’ve a tendency to try and tell myself to cheer up, pull myself together etc. but I can’t. I guess in need to get some CBT in me. Thanks to this thread for that. And its good to know you’re not alone.

Well fitted jeans, cords, chinos (maybe). Brogues or desert boots. Dress shirt. Nice cardigan or sweater. Tweed jacket or a suit jacket. Maybe a bunnet. The geography teacher look is all good.

If you’re essentially lazy, like me, you might want to try the stuff recommended by Tim Ferris in the Four Hour Body. That’s what I’ve followed and made some good progress.

I suffer from a similar social anxiety. Although its around eating rather than drinking. Its a bit late for tonight but a course of CBT might help. It certainly helped me.

I’ve tried many different powders and they all give me @rse problems. Dunno if its the sh!te that’s added to them or if its the protein I have trouble processing. I’ve gone back to getting my required protein from food instead: all that chicken, fish and cheese can’t be bad.

And the women. I forgot about Portuguese women who are uniformly beautiful and all the men are ugly. Giving us balding or fat folk hope.

I spend a bit of time in Portugal so I’d disagree about that. They gave the world tea, coffee, Eusebio, vindaloo (its a corruption of the Portuguese for vinegar and garlic. However, the legal system is a ‘mare but not as bad as the impenetrable language they speak. The people are pretty feckless more or less. I like it all the same.

Ireland, however… I dislike. Intensely.

Not strictly a cover version but:

the huge difference is being surrounded and forced to use the language

You might be right there. I’ve recently started listening and watching TV and radio in Portuguese and that may be why its sinking in better. I think the age might be an excuse and the truth is I’ve just forgotten how to learn stuff. 🙂

Cling film. Break the eggs into cling film then twist the top of the cling film and drop the egg into the water. Keep the “open” end of the clingilm out of the water to avoid seepage. Works a treat.