Pokey cars to carry bikes that look like they can’t

I was passed by an Elise with an mtb racked to the roof last week. Made me smile.

That might be me soon. Van is going on eBay and I start my new job next month. I’ve currently got a very eclectic watchlist but there’s 2 Elise 111r on there.

@shedbrewed also hopefully me soon as well. Had the Elise for years and in the past put bikes inside (required forks removing). Currently building a rear mounted rack for it.

This was parked outside Munich Legends a couple of weeks ago…..that’d get a couple of 29ers in the boot no problem. Your labrador might protest tho

BMW E61 M5 Touring

But not a Rangey sport…
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnCkVCihw73/?img_index=1

BMW 3 or 4 series coupe. Plenty of room in the back for a bike.

As much as I love the V10 M5/M6, I chickened out of buying one at the very last moment due to all the horror stories. You need very significant cash reserves to run one without fear.

I also thought pokey meant small.

Not much really structural apart from the roll over hoop under the hoop cover to attach a heavy MTB to on an Elise!

I’d agree TT are surprisingly practical

Which is what I’m planning. S1 with harness bar and a removable rear window. Spare window with the glass replaced with poly carbonate of some kind so can bolt through it and then attach to the harness bar. Then two straps over the clam onto the tow eyes underneath. Rear wheel held in place on a suction cup and front inside in a bag.

Well that would work but you would have to hope that it doesn’t rain when you are out since getting the roof on with that set up would be tricky. I’d just take another car if you have one. But post pics if you do get it set up!

Alfa 159 saloon. Fits a ritchey timberwolf in with the front wheel off and with the correct engine (1750 tbi, 3.2v6 or 2.4 diesel) will surpass the required power to weight ratio whilst looking suitably bellissima. That giulia looks pretty epic too.

I can confirm that a Thule bike rack will clamp to the roll cage on a caterham 7.

Roof won’t need to come off, there will be a though axle mount on the back of the window. Though the true way to drive an Elise is rid down anyway 😂

Was also of the belief that pokey was a bad term. Not necessarily small but just generally old, tatty, and/or of poor quality.

to quote the Cambridge Dictionary….

UK informal
A poky room, house, or other place is unpleasantly small and uncomfortable:
They live in a poky little flat.

OR

UK informal
(of a car) fast:
a poky two-litre petrol engine

so maybe both?!!?

Didn’t someone on here buy an Ariel Atom? Did they ever strap a bike onto it?

Not sure if it’s been mentioned as only skimmed the thread but what about a G30/saloon 540i? I have the G31/tourer 540i and it’s plenty pokey and can fit a removable tow bar. It’s also incredibly refined in the cabin with plenty of high quality materials. Given mine is a hatch I was expecting a bit more road noise but it’s really rather quiet, the saloon will be even better and a very good partner on a long trip. Plus as per your requirements it doesn’t scream mountain bikes/utilitarian. Debadged naturally because then you can’t tell the difference between it and a 520d, so some good sleeper creds.

I mean it’s shocking round the doors (20mpg) but will do 40mpg on a trip. Mine doesn’t come off the drive very much outside big trips as we have a little ID3.

This used to come past my place 2 or 3 times a month through the winter (with winter tyres) and more than once during the summer with a bike rack (and bike) on the roof.

The Huracan that replaced it was used in the same way.

I’ve held off a Seasucker for the roof of my RX7, as I’m a little worried it’ll open up the paper thin roof panel like a can opener.
So, not an rx7.

5lab
Full Member

I used to have a 944 S2 and now have a gt86. Both carry bikes inside. You’re basically looking for front engine, 2+2

I used to get two 26er MTBs in my 944 turbo.
Not tried more than one modern bike, might be a struggle.
220-250bhp on paper but I don’t think I’ve seen a standard one for years. Most seem to be 250bhp upwards.

Didn’t someone on here buy an Ariel Atom? Did they ever strap a bike onto it?

Not an Atom, but I’ve seen a Nomad with two bikes on a rack. Was at some leisure/outdoors show in Glasgow, I believe it belonged to a bike shop owner or similar, but can’t remember who.

Thread title to me means small, quick cars – any big car can easily carry a bike, but small ones it’s more of a challenge.
I used a RockBros suction rack on my Monaro which was rather more than 180bhp/ton, but not exactly small. Bike wouldn’t go in boot due to the (very) big fuel tank inside it, so kind of the opposite to the thread title…

I can’t find a proper link to it now, but I recall racks could be fitted to an Elise by cutting a small hole in the side of the upper bodywork near the fuel filler to gain access to something solid underneath. Sort of like this:

I’ve seen a Bentley Continental GT on the A51 a couple of times recently towing a Bentley Motorsports trailer. I reckon that would tick most of your boxes.

Not had a close look at it but I reckon you could fit a couple of bikes in the boot too.

This should do you

Environmentally friendly too.

… or apparently not as I don’t seem to know how to upload an image. Anyroad, a Taycan Cross Turismo will fit your bill & has an optional bike rack [for about the price of a bike].

“ That Giulia looks pretty epic too.”

Went to the FOD on Thursday and the combination of the fitted Alfa protectors and some old quilt covers worked just fine. No marks on the fabric of the car at all!!

Obviously I bought a Tesla model 3 because I’m a tree hugging hippie. However its 0-60 is very respectable* and it has a towbar.

*better than the Boxster it replaced

Model 3 definitely fails criteria #2 🤢.

Forget all those cars, I have seen the perfect car. Probably completely useless for carrying a bike.
The Morgan Aero 8, I saw one parked and it just looked a thing of beauty

Alfa Romeo Giulia Veloce…No idea of tow bars

I have a Stelvio with a towbar. Wouldn’t put a bike inside it, but can take four on the back without exceeding the towball download. However, fitting a towbar does involve a cut on the bumper. The 2 inch hitch means it’s not too ugly though.

180hp per ton is quite difficult to achieve, and by the OP’s initial description he is ruling out something like a BMW M3 Estate etc.

So as suggested above Caterham (they even have a naming convention that tells you the bhp/ton. Not sure about an Ariel Atom and tow bar as the engine is rear/axle mounted

what a weird thread !

180hp per ton is quite difficult to achieve

Won’t most of the top models of any particular platform achieve that?

Most of them are around 1600-2000 kilo and bouncing around 400 bhp.

Christ, even many top end SUVs are 180bhp/tonne for the premium powertrain.
(Or, if EV, enough torque so that bhp/tonne is irrelevant)

180hp per ton is quite difficult to achieve

Used to be, not so much any more. And the OP specified ton not tonne (not sure if deliberate – I think most people talk in 1000kgs tonnes rather than the old imperial 907kg tons these days) which makes it easier still. Edit – early morning maths fail – makes it harder – doah! So the first car suggested, the Golf R, just makes it (but only the latest generation with >300bhp.)

Not quite sure why the brief is so vague – there is such a massive difference in car experience between a small and light track car and an autobahn cruiser that achieve that goal. And if money is no object (i.e. there is no upper limit to the budget set) basically any car with enough power and styling of choice could be retro fitted with a towbar given unlimited budget to achieve it. Hell, dispense with the towbar if is only for attaching a bike rack and have a custom made carbon fibre number that uses a bespoke engineered and strengthened diffuser or undertray with mounting hard points for your bespoke CF rack. Anything is possible and therefore suggestible without limits.

I just wanted to check and yes, you can fit a towbar to an Ariel Atom,

But, having spent time in cars like this, I would never, ever buy one.

I’d rather have something like this for local missions with the DJ Bike

@sharkattack why wouldn’t you buy one?

It’s basically the epitome of ‘pokey’ and is also high performance

And the bike on the back will help sweep the hedge out the way when you go through it backwards

Alpina B3 (touring version is much cooler but see you’re averse to estates).

Just to add another couple to the ‘surprisingly inappropriate cars with tow-bars’ my father used to have one on his Stag, towed a 3/4 ton boat with it. And I’ve seen a Corvette ZR1 with two bikes on a roof rack, which doesn’t meet the tow-bar criteria but probably does tick the bhp/ton box.

Anyway,

As money appears to be no object, buy a Caddy or Connect for bike duties and a Porsche (other aspirational Marques are available) for car use.

That. Get an old Caddy/Berlingo/whatever and a Caterham/Elise/Cerbera depending on level of comfort required

Towbars are over rated.

Seasuckers are where it’s at.

How about this? My made a custom rack for his Elise. A fun way to get to the Alps!

you could always go with

https://x.com/cyclegaz/status/1824857304774127669/photo/1

180/ton is easy if you’re willing to tune.

388bhp/ton with the added bonus that you’ve got back up transport for when the engine blows.

Ticks both definitions of pokey.