Heavy shit man. 12 yr old granddaughter content.

Stepdaughter (Gemma) phoned Mrs Egf last night in tears. She’d ‘confiscated’ her daughters (Caitlyn) phone cos she was a bit suspicious about something that was going on. Anyway, she’s gone through the messages etc & found some serious shit between her & another (one) school ‘friend’ which goes into great detail about all sorts of stuff that contented 12 yr olds shouldn’t even be imagining. Suicide, sex of ALL descriptions, self harm, drugs, you name it.

Her ‘friend’ Millie, is also a 12 yr old who appears to have a bit of a problem as she’s instigating all this stuff (by evidence of the messages) & Gemma has been in touch with her mother who appears to be as distraught as she is!

Also, some ‘boy’ has been requesting photo’s of Caitlyn naked, (which Gemma has already reported to the the police) Who’m we believe is via Millie one way or another.

Millie is an actual school member & Gemma is in little doubt about all this.

Told you it was heavy shit, so discuss.

(& advise accordingly, especially if you have similar experience)

An almost impossible position to be in IME

i found my 13 YO daughter had been watching porn and read the riot act, explained that it was because I was trying to protect her and because I felt that the attitudes to sex and women in porn were not healthy and didn’t send young girls the right message about sex, sexuality and the way women should expect to be treated.

The ensuing two week Internet ban and complete locking down of parental controls to the Nth degree caused a right old doo-dah.

This issue came up again some months later when, due to some other stuff related to her autism we were dealing with social services, whose attitude was that banning her from the Internet was unacceptable and controlling and that exposure to porn etc. for the teenagers of today was an inevitability.

so, as I say, I fear her parents are in a situation where they will be damned if they do, and damned if they don’t

Speak to the school about it, just to make sure the others are real pupils.

possibly speak to millie’s parents if that’s practical, i doubt they will be too happy with a 12 yo speaking to boys about this kind of stuff.

dont worry too much about her being curious, id say that’s pretty normal as they start to enter puberty. Her mum is going to have to have a little chat about the birds and bees, including a totally frank discussion about the likely consequences of any experimentation.

PS: I don’t envy you at all, it’s not a nice situation to be in.

Time for some grown up sex and internet education for all parties.   Try not to let your hangups transfer to them.     Don’t patronise.    Do it earlier than you think.  Children and young adults are more sophisticated than you think, and sometimes more adult.  But you must advise and help.

Sadly this stuff is nothing like as unusual/uncommon as you think. Phones/access to social media always feature. You may want to get the names removed from your post. Research self harming etc and how to deal with it – important to avoid certain reactions.

I deal with this type of think on a daily basis in school.  Unfortunately not uncommon.  Current thinking is focussing on educating about responsible internet use rather than total bans as they will be exposed to sexting/grooming/porn at some point and you can’t control access completely.

Any suggestion of requests for inappropriate images definitely report to the police; try and get screen shots (particularly if involved snap chat) for evidence.

Mum needs to speak to the safeguarding lead at school.

Any suggestion of requests for inappropriate images definitely report to the police; try and get screen shots (particularly if involved snap chat) for evidence.

Good advice but be careful. If you think there are inappropriate images in existence on the device the advice is to not investigate. Turn off the phone and let the police deal with it.

great detail about all sorts of stuff that contented 12 yr olds shouldn’t even be imagining. Suicide, sex of ALL descriptions, self harm, drugs, you name it.

surely it depends on what they were discussing.  The fact that these things appear on the news and internet they are going to be exposed to it and will end up discussing it.  Having a discussion about it with the child is obviously what you do but ultimately they are still going to talk about these things face to face rather than on the phone.

Also, some ‘boy’ has been requesting photo’s of Caitlyn naked, (which Gemma has already reported to the the police)

escalating it to the police isn’t what I personally would do as as a first step unless the boy is 16 or over.

Hope you get it sorted OP . I have no advice but I’m interested in how this goes as the father of two little uns. is there somewhere online parents can get guidance on this?

is there somewhere online parents can get guidance on this?

I believe it’s called mumsnet.

I believe it’s called mumsnet.

lol

is there somewhere online parents can get guidance on this?

I believe it’s called mumsnet

I believe he asked for advice, not hysterical screeching old chap. 😉

I would advise going to her school and speaking to the Head of Year or Safeguarding Lead. Seek advice from them. They should be able to advise.

There’s a certain irony that you raise your concerns on the internet about inappropriate internet use and a number of replies advise using the internet for further information.

The internet, social media, and electronic communication is a fact  of life these days and the youngsters are ahead of the game. Unfortunately there is a lot of ‘shit’  out there and you won’t get rid of that so discussion and education is, IMO, the way forward.

When my two girls were growing up (a long time ago now and pre www) we had to deal with issues – alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. – and this was done with as little conflict as possible in a non-confrontational way by sitting down and discussing, allowing them to put their point of view and, yes, including their friends in the discussion too when necessary. We were often surprised by ‘shit’ they knew but they were often amazed that we’d ‘been there too’!

Having said that, it wasn’t a one off. It was something we had to deal with several times over their formative years! And now they’re having to go through the whole process themselves with their own children. My how amusing it is to hear them tell us now how much they didn’t realise what parents have to deal with.

The other thing these days is that the internet and the immediacy of modern communications means that this type of ‘shit’ is all around you, especially the really serious stuff in the news. Hopefully your family can nip it in the bud and that it really is nothing more serious than young adults being inquisitive and a little bit naughty. Good luck.

You have to get hold of the School, Easter or not, some will get the designated safeguarding staff into action. That way it can be set up and thought about before the kids get back. They may well link this to other cases in the school, which you will not be told about.A plan of action can be formulated.

I teach in a College, 60% of issues between student stem from ‘social media’ and the Pandoras box that is the phone. We get kids coming to College with their lives blighted by this and other things. We have a whole student support department and everyone is trained in safeguarding.

Don’t be frightened of standing up to it and for her; she will thank you later on that you looked out for her.

However we have given them access to all this, which frightens me. The last thing in Pandoras box is Hope though.

Thanks for all those replies folks. Gemma did the ‘birds & bees’ chat some years ago so Cait knows whats what & how it works. I think she’s coming over tomorrow to chat with my mrs & explain what she’s done about things up to now, as I said in my OP, she spoken to the other girls mum & showed her the evidence from Cait’s phone.

We shall see!