Thor Ragnarok :
Man destroys his own planet because he didn’t want to share it with his sister after she broke his favourite toy.

Titanic
Passengers are delayed getting to NY as several disembarked half way (nicked from somebody describing the way the Muller report was summarised)

JFK: man got shot by someone

stolen from here:

Apocalypse Now; it’s like the Wizard of Oz

Woman by the name of ‘Debbie’ enjoys a lot of sex in a city called ‘Dallas’

Predator
Man shaves without a beard whilst his mate screams at a tree. If it bleeds they can kill it.

Some fish find another fish.

The Day After Tomorrow.

Saturday.

(only valid on a Thursday).

Reservoir Dogs

Bank robbers get shot.

Fight Club

Man hits himself

The Wizard of Oz.

Girl goes to strange land and kills the first person she meets then joins up with three fugitives and goes on to kill again.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Mother uses advertising to promote the work done by the local police force.

Apocalypse Now

Man goes on an oriental boat trip of discovery.

Predator

A journey through foliage in order to get a ride on a helicopter.

Star Wars

Hostorical spiritual awakening with a sub-plot of incestuous romance.

Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Archaeologist pointlessly dashes around the world and achieves nothing.

ET

Character has a mysterious birth, performs a couple of miracles, dies then comes back to life before leaving for good.

Game of Thrones

Swords, tits, dragons and zombies

Titanic
Passengers are delayed getting to NY as several disembarked half way (nicked from somebody describing the way the Muller report was summarised)

I quite like ‘Everyone does the ice bucket challenge’

Game of Thrones

Swords, tits, dragons and zombies

“Peter Stringfellow’s Lord of the Rings”

Cool Hand Luke

Man with communication issues proves somebody can eat 50 eggs.

2001

Haunted gravestone turns monkey into a killer.  Monkey’s descendants find another haunted gravestone then build clever computer.  Computer says no.  Last haunted gravestone turns out to be hollow.

Man who kills robots is a robot or not.

and a unicorn

Titanic:

Rain Man

Dustin Hoffman is more likeable than Tom cruise

Skyfall

“The names MacAllister. Kevin MacAllister”

Mad Max-Fury Road: This way. That way.

Half of the cast are blue

titanic
avatar
the smurf movie

Citizen Kane: rosebud’s a name for a clitoris sledge.

The Karate Kid:

Old man tricks child in to doing household chores. Beats up some other kids and mocks a war veteran.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: Two cowboys rob lots of banks then get shot dead. And a bicycle

The Incredible Hulk: a good man with astounding anger management issues gets chased by the nasty military

Jaws
Man struggling to find his place in a changing world goes fishing

Planet of the Apes: Descendant of monkeys gets lost and thinks he’s in a place where monkeys rule but really he’s on the monkey planet all along only the monkey descendants on the monkey planet blew up aforementioned monkey planet because they didn’t like the other monkeys on the monkey planet and thereby left the monkey planet to the monkeys.

(Yes I know apes and monkeys are different but that’s part of the explaining it badly bit)

LOTR entire trilogy

Except it’s explained really rather well.

Finding Nemo
Man’s wife was brutally murdered shortly after giving birth, leaving his son physically disabled and then in a twisted turn of events the son was kidnapped and his father chased the kidnapper thousands of miles with a mentally disabled woman to get him back.

2001

Haunted gravestone turns monkey into a killer. Monkey’s descendants find another haunted gravestone then build clever computer. Computer says no. Last haunted gravestone turns out to be hollow.

So that’s what it was about.

Lord of the Rings: elves, basically.

Bonus description – Touching the Void: man crawls to ridiculously bad soundtrack.

Alien Covenant

Idiots in Space!

(though I think that’s a pretty accurate description)

I much prefer willstaffs Finding Nemo synopsis. Brill.

Castaway
Bloke lost then found.

PS Still like the film though.

Star Wars:
Man falls in love with his sister and has his hand chopped off by his dad, who’d had his arms and legs chopped off by his surrogate Uncle. His nephew kills his best friend then blasts his own mum into space.

Basically, Eastenders…in Space.