Don’t all pile on.

I’ve got Hemorrhoids, yip had to spell check it. Maybe just one big one. Not sure.

Not quite as bad as the chap on here with the permanent stauner (wonder how he is) but enough to give you the arsehole. You see what I’ve done there.

Anyway no laughing matter. Sudocreme doesn’t seem to be cutting it.

Problem shared is a problem halved.

haemorrhoids

Dangleberries

Anusol from the supermarket is your friend…

Arse grapes

Farmers.

Anyone for 🍇

Chalfonts

Emmas.
Nauticals.
Chalfonts.

APF

Thanks

This is more for tag nuts and winnets, but might help with your chalfonts?

https://mlpnk72yciwc.i.optimole.com/cqhiHLc.IIZS~2ef73/w:auto/h:auto/q:75/https://bleedingcool.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/0002-1.jpg

Had them loads of times starting in my 20s! Only had them badly a couple of times. Anusol and patience and they’ll go.

I’ve fractured my skull crashing my bike, broken toes, broken my wrist, had an operation that literally involved cutting my main foot bone in half, and without a shadow of a doubt hemorrhoids is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.

They once made me faint in Wagamamas and I fell under the table when I was out with work 😀

@Merak

permanent stauner

I’m ok, I need to update that thread at some point.

Am genuinely glad to hear @poopscoop

This thread is useful without pictures.

Rockfords.

Sore, aren’t they. I came down with a case on (paging Alanis Morrissette) my honeymoon. I went to the doctor when I got home, breathed a sigh of relief when I was met with a petite Asian lady doctor with teeny tiny hands. She had me assume the position and then I can only conclude that whilst I wasn’t watching she stuck a fire extinguisher up my arse.

I’ve had them. I was disappointed to discover they were nowhere near as hilarious as Viz had led me to believe.

Dukes or Jukes thus giving rise to the compulsion to apply Preparation H to Nissans of that ilk – in the hope that they’ll shrink 😁

Balloon knots

(Preparation H)

The last time I had mine it was almost the size of a kidney bean (almost similar colour and started to shine a bit).

My Ozzy doctor just cut it to bleed it out to relieve the pressure and all well after that.

Then I had it another time and went to the GP who then referred me some specialist that did nothing other than telling me to “take a rest”. Told me the cutting risk infection so no longer used that technique.

Recovered after nearly 10 days.

No nonsense Ozzy doctor wins!

Merak
Free Member
Am genuinely glad to hear @poopscoop

Thanks matey.

Had them many moons ago. Suffered in (relative) silence for a couple of weeks. Finally realised I needed help and headed (very slowly) to the local chemist. The pain got worse the more I walked (I’d been pretty much living on the sofa for the previous few days). On entering said Chemist it must have taken five minutes for me to reach the counter, audibly wincing with every step and watched all the way by the pharmacist.

I explained that a friend of mine was probably suffering from piles. Anusol suppositories were purchased and I hobbled off (very slowly) home.

I’m not sure that the pharmacist was taken in. But what I would say is suppositories are the business, being that they get to the nub (so to speak) of the problem. Within days I was fine.

And since then I’ve avoided any repeats by following the pharmacist’s advice for my mate, which was when doing a number two, let what will come out, come out. But on no account strain to get the last bits out of the bay. On that road lies unimaginable pain and agony..

Herendethelesson

The one thread I didn’t want to open at breakfast time…

I thought I had them. Went to the GP, lovely lady, who inspected and said no, it’s a heamatoma on your sphincter I’ll have to pop it!!!😱

A cut with a scalpel and lots of bloody painful squeezing, maybe some squealing too, and I was sent home with some cream to apply 😢

Don’t worry, winnets pass. More (whole) fruit and fibre?

Had them many moons ago.

Is that what caused them?

BTW don’t try fissures, they’ll crack you up.

BTW don’t try fissures, they’ll crack you up.

From circa 1993-4:

https://www.fmbv.nu/bob-anal-fissure/

I’ve always found Anusol effective.

I remember being locked into a particularly long conflict with some stubborn chalfonts. As part of a renewed Anusol offensive I placed the bedroom mirror on the floor and squatted over it so I could look the little buggers in the eye. Whilst slathering them in said cream, I decided to finger one of those badboys back through the ass trapdoor. I’ve no idea why, but I just went with it. I never saw that fella again and still often wonder to this day if he’s just tucked inside lurking…waiting to pop his little head out again.

I’ve always found Anusol effective.

It gave me the itchiest bum ever, which combined with the haemorrhoids wasn’t even remotely soothing!

Slightly grim story. I did TwentyFour12 one year with haemorrhoids – not really severe ones, obviously – but went for a poo early in the morning of the second day to find that something had burst and there was bright red, fresh blood everywhere. I can’t remember what my actions were after that, but think I managed to carry on riding. Maybe slightly gingerly and with fresh shorts.