Bike names that should exist.

Surely a burly gravel bike somewhere is called

*company name* – mission creep

I want one. Does it come with 140mm forks?

I’m now thinking “jeepers creepers” is a good model name.

XC Bike – The Bimbler

I’m now thinking “jeepers creepers” is a good model name

Could be a whole line up of bikes along with the “creepy jesus”.

have longed called my burly gravel bike/29er ‘Gravelbeast’

Not the best, but it obviously fits

I’d buy a bike named ‘Trevor’

My Van Nicholas Amazon is now my #gradventourer.

What about a Santa Cruz OnFinance?

I’d pay good money for a shand handy

One of the big brands should just be honest and release the Planned Obsolescence. Tricky to fit on a downtube being the major stumbling block.

Swarf should make a light weight XC bike called the Eager.

Swarf should make a sliver, skelf and splinter.

Santa Cruz OnFinance?
SC Nevernever
SC OnTick

I like the Santa Cruz theme.

SC APR
SC Credit Check

Lexington Steel, hardtail with a very long front end.

Well, if expanding that theme – Santa Cruz 5010 InterestRate, for the lawyers ;)

I’m still annoyed that after I independently came up with Chromag it turned out someone else had done it. (spoiler: It was Chromag). So I named that bike the Iron Chicken instead, and tbh that’s a bloody good name for a steel bike.

Fender Bender – singlespeed/fixie/road bike/bicycle.

These probably do exist:

Cove Throbber, cove anal creampie etc

If cove did its own proprietary components then it’s wheels would be ‘rimjobs’, it’s brakes ‘fxxkpads’, something something flange

There’s a rich seam there but to be honest I’m done

arseovertit

Dalliance

Fad

Something something

Stramash

Parts bin special

Kenneth

Bling ting

ATGNI (all the gear no Idea)

Most expensive bike in the shop

Gravel gazer

Hello ducky

Holy Cross

Somebody at Planet X/On One is feverishly jotting these down.

Holy Cross

And its burlier, retro stablemate, the Old Rugged Cross.

Sledgehammer

Orange Bastard
Surly Prick
Marin gpiece
Transition vamp
Yeti still bought it
Cannondale gravelcock

My much loved Trigger 29 with lefty was always The Gnarwhale.

Yeti still bought it

FTW nobeer

Specialized Litigation

Aggregate type 1

Rooty tutti

Rocky road

Rock cake

Suspense

Spinderella

Gnar gnar

Nee gnar

Dairy free

Shooter

XXC MTB

Fun-der!

The Wilier Slipstream.

How about naming bikes after serial killers. Would definitely get publicity.

Gacy

Manson

Bundy

Ripper

Shipman

Chikatilo

I’m sure a clever person could do a cereal/serial pun on the names.

Fat Knacker

Geet Fat Knacker (29 er)

Basher…

The bollocks…

Mutts nuts…

The Mid life…

Dip stick…

Public Enemy ( might be used elsewhere)

Skill compensator
Shit-the-bed
A&E Where?
A&E Fast track

There’s a Halifax based company that could use

Dickinson
Winton
Trump

As model names.

Double Track Destroyer. Probably marketed as down county 100mm

Knobber

As in i got myself a “29 inch Knobber”

Re serial killers. Santa Cruz should tap into its rich serial killer heritage. Wasn’t it the world capital of serial killers with 2 of them plying their trade at once? (Kemper and Mullins)

I love ‘Transition Vamp’ although UK eighties reference might be lost on the pinkbike hordes

Cotic Cheese
Cotic Tock
polygon paragon
Mondraker moonraker

The On One Close Enough

The Planet X Lucky Dip

The Cannondale Non-standard

The Orange Filing Cabinet

The Lynskey Kraaken