Not mine but heard in a film or something,

“Your so full of shit if you had a colonic there’d be nothing left afterwards”

You’re just a f****n fomite!

I read that as “You’re just a f****n forumite”!

As I’m a little chubby chap & work in the prison service, there’s one I’ve used a few times when prisoners have called me a little fat C***, (they usually have their mates with them) so I say loud enough for them all to hear, ‘the main reason I’m fat is cos every time I shag your lass she gives me a chocolate biscuit’

I once had a colleague who was ‘mercifully unburdened of the rigours of intelligence’

“Ringo”. Someone who is portrayed as being exceptional at their job, but in reality is mediocre at best.

From “Is Ringo Starr the best drummer in the world?”
“He’s not even the best drummer in the Beatles.”

* insert stereotypical, exaggerated,false emergency declaration of any occurrence*

Let me look in the box of **** to give to see if there’s any left… nope. Sorry. The photocopier is fine.

Some of you are just writing down insults, or you work in very, very different environments to me.

Not the most pithy put down for your colleagues, is it?

Mildly NSFW….ish.
[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVoPdnZzKbM[/video]

There’s no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people.

I used that line on every training course I gave prior to the tutorials.

I’m generally regarded as a bit of a c*** as a result, but a hard working, committed c***. I can live with that.

Do you suffer fools gladly?

God ruined a good arsehole by putting teeth in that mouth!

“Destined to spend their life pushing doors marked pull”

“Oxygen thief”

“Depriving a village of its idiot”

I’ve worked with several blokes nicknamed ‘thrush’ over the years… And a lass who just would. Not. Shut. Up. Even when there was REALLY nothing worth saying. Her name was Ashley, but she never could work out why people kept on mistaking her for (g)Nat…

Maybe not a one liner but.
Stop
Stop
Stop
You c#nt

To rorschach