So no evidence that it’s dangerous. That’s not much of an argument.

Here’s a tip. It’s quite a nice happy thread. Go somewhere else and argue – that might help.

Here’s a tip. It’s quite a nice happy thread. Go somewhere else and argue – that might help.

Oooh, an argument about an argument. That definitely helps!

BTW – I was offering advice to the OP on something I thought he would enjoy, based on my own experience. Hora then chose to contradict me on the basis of who knows what, so if you have a problem, take it up with him.

Thanks for all the great advice.

Muke. Today you win the internet.

Alex

Congratulations, I have posted this before but hopefully it will bring a smile to your face but ask any parent and I’m sure they will agree that it is good advice.

FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS TO CHECK THAT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Test 1 – Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.

3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-

1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the
counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to
their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2 – Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance
levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest
ways in which
they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table
manners and overall behavior.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all
the answers.

Test 3 – Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 – 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some
other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4 – Dressing Small Children

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang
out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5 – Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door MPV.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6 – Going For a Walk

Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours
come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8 – Grocery Shopping

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can
find to a pre-school child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you
intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your
sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.

Test 9 – Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to land them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.
Test 10 – TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney,
Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11 – Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean
walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor
& leave it there.

Test 12 – Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. Important
Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include
occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13 – Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve
while playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a
child in the room.

Test 14 – Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children.
Good luck and enjoy.

PMSL… 😆

but so true
got a 7 year old, a 2 year old and a 10 month old…wouldnt change it for the world though!!
congratulations OP!! you’ll be fine

deadlydarcy – Member
So no evidence that it’s dangerous. That’s not much of an argument.
Here’s a tip. It’s quite a nice happy thread. Go somewhere else and argue – that might help.

wot deadlydarcy said. You’re making yourself look silly Ransos!

ransos I said lets agree to disagree.

BTW I was all set to watch thr news whilst getting ready this morning. Now im sat with cbeebies on 🙁 you cant creep around the house first thing as ours has superhuman hearing.

Always do as much as you can together as a family, Kids are part of the family, not an add on. Even when i did any work on the car/house i always included my daughter, that’s why she can now use a variety of tools competently.
She’s now 22 and we’re going climbing together today, gym tomorrow and rollerblading on Monday. Happy days 😀
We were voted coolest parents by her peers at school.

Our little boy will be 8 weeks old tomorrow. So far its been an incredible experience and he’s just awesome, Mrs L even more so.
Top Tips:
Birth plans, be prepared to change everything.
Get lanosil nipple cream for mum.
Breast feeding is hard work, seek out a breastfeeding clinic near you for support and get support ASAP if things get difficult.
Surround yourselves with family and friends for support.

Enjoy it!

Muke, thats just awesome!

Not read the whole thread but if no one’s mentioned it start stocking up on baby stuff now. Each time you go to the shops pick up a box of nappies, baby wipes, baby shampoo/bath foam, nappies again etc…. You will be glad of it once baby is here and money is tighter.

Good luck btw. My boy is coming up to 15 months and is the best thing I ever did. Don’t get out on my bikes much but messing about with him is just as good.

First, you’ll love it (at least I do). It can be brutal hard work, with moments of utter desperation and periods of total knackerness. However those times are totally outweighed by the positives (like taking your 5 yr old nipper mountainbiking on a sunny spring morning, following him down the trail as he whoops & laughs).

Scanned the thread and seen the disagreements over a trailer. For us it was one of the best things we bought. We both ride and it allowed us to get out and do stuff/exercise alone and together without being beholden to the car and all the faff that entailed.

Having said that we live near quiet roads and picked times/routes that were smart. We also covered it with day-glo and lights. We got a Chariot that converted to a jogger, which was helpful for 4am runs when micro-like food was exercising his lungs.

You & your partner will have to decide what risk you’ll accept with different activities.

Good luck 🙂

ps – If you don’t have one, get a coffee machine. If you have one, get a better one. Oh and also, when you come back from work stop at the end of the road for a minute to collect your thoughts and toughen yourself up, so that when you walk in the door you can pretend to be full of energy and only too happy to ‘take over’!

First few months are just a blur for me. The only clear memory is, late at night, sitting on the sofa with richmars jnr asleep in my arms, know that if I moved he’d wake up.
Didn’t enjoy it at the time, but whenever I’m reminded of it, it ‘gets a bit dusty’.
So whatever the short term pain, it’s worth it.