On hols in Cornwall at the moment, on a country walk yesterday, approaching a gate a middle aged woman was coming through it from the other side. She tripped on a stone or something and fell to her knees and hands on the grass but as she did so let out a great big fart. *titter* she wouldn’t let me help her up.

A pal of mine once farted so loudly that he woke himself up.

My gran (a Methodist, and tehrefore believes that lying is definitely the work of teh devil) once farted quite loudly in front of us, then said “Excuse me, i burped”!!!

It didn’t stop the teenage sniggers from me and my brother

I have just farted, a proper crisp morning fart. The folks in the next tent have just giggled as said fart, not sure if I am embarrassed or proud of my achievement

Was on a ride a few years back and some walkers were jive talking us, so my mate swerved in front of them, stood up on the pedals and farted in their a general direction before speeding off, the look on their faces was priceless!

OP, 😆 did you keep a straight face?

I did Dirt School with Chris Ball and Rowan Sorrall about 6 years ago. We were doing manuals down a fire road with both these world cup riders watching and as I popped the front wheel I let off a fart that surprised me so much I nearly fell off.

Apparently that had never happened to either of them, but they did find it hilarious.

some walkers were jive talking us

They serenaded you with a Bee Gees song? Or were you meaning more:

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVJPB3W54Tc[/video]

Those ramblers are getting more militant every day.

DD, I did keep a straight face at the time yes, poor woman she was mortified but me & the wife laughed about it most of the way back to the car.

Jive talking ramblers…? Real LOL.. 🙂

I was in halfords talking to a friend while he was between lbs jobs working in the bike department there once and he was telling me all about how bad it was. Snotty boy racer store manager on his case all day, rubbish filthy bikes with worn out cheap bits he was expected to get working better than new etc. The phone at his bench started to ring. Without a word he picked it up held the receiver to his arse and let rip an enormous trouser trump then put the phone straight back down and carried on our conversation. Very funny moment. Goodness knows what the caller on the other end thought 😀

I once did a fart so vile that my ex-wife started retching. Even I thought that it was stinky and every fart-father loves their offspring.

My ex-wife was not impressed as she staggered out of the room, possibly not helped by my laughing.

😳 i farted at *ahem* ‘climax’ once…. 😳

My wife walked into our daughters bedroom last night, did a loud fart, said ‘better out than in’ and then heard laughter coming out of the speaker on daughters ipod.

Turned out she’d been doing a face time call with one of her friends.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXSLcYQHqFQ[/video]

So many stories I dont know where to start, plenty covered already. But I can say I am proud of them all.

Last year my knee started hurting when I was out on the bike. The day after, I could hardly walk so nipped to minors.

The male nurse asked me to lie on the bed ( steady…..) and started moving my leg about then I let out a massive fart.

Felt like such an idiot.

I can’t fart any more – one of the few downsides to being disemboweled.

Nothing more satisfying that a well placed, well crafted release of wind. Oh well, at least I have the memories…

Cheers

Danny B

Once dropped one so bad, so horrendously stinking, that it cleared the vehicle I was in. Which was fun to watch, since it was a uni minibus and I was driving it at the time. I wouldn’t have pulled over normally, but I was laughing so hard…

I was doing some snow climbing on E face of Helvellyn whilst at Uni many years ago. Descended Striding Edge in close to white out conditions with my rugby playing friend. Wih no one else around we were “entertaining ourselves” with a loud rendition of “beastiality’s best”. Just as we approached the hole in the wall, my friend added a massive fart to our choral works. Seemed ok until we climbed over the stile to find a girls school party on the other side. Even the teacher was laughing!

Woke my other half one morning with a rather loud fart. Couldn’t go back to sleep for sniggering.

When our son was only 6 months old, we could hear he was restless in bed one night, grunting and rustling, next minute we hear this loud muffled fart through the monitor, followed by a contented sigh. That’s my boy!

i farted at *ahem* ‘climax’ once….

never during, but I often need to break wind afterwards. Seems that the motions must either suck gas in, or cause it to congregate in the lower halls, because I can then usually pull my legs up a la M. Petomaine, and let out a series of short sharp raspers. With careful control, 8 or more are possible, but usually I start giggling and then you lose self control and the last few run into one almighty ripper.

The wife loves it.

TOO MUCH INFORMATION! 😯

[nostalgia] Oh for a return to the days of VHF police radios, when a one gun salute could be anonymously shared with the whole division. Curse you O2 and your personal-issue-immediately-identifiable Airwaves radios [/nostalgia]

Jon V i am going to be able to look you in the face again on a ride!!

A few years ago I was taking part in the Bristol’s Biggest Bike Ride with a few friends. We had decided to get a bit of lunch (along with many other cyclists) at Scarletts Restuarant next to the pier. At that time there were solid white plastic chairs on the outside front bit. As I sat down I let out a stunning ripper, the affect of which was greatly enhanced by the ability of the chair to resonate and amplify (probably due to the curved shape). The sound seemed to last a long time as it echoed around the area. All conversation stopped with the other cyclists and heads turned to look at me. A real western bar and tinkling piano moment. Just needed a bit of tumble weed to roll past.

That police radio story has reminded me that enjoy the occasional fart down the ps3 headset while playing call off duty

Its the working in my local supermarket filling booze, when the curry from last night lights up that is a killer. Usually have a quick sideways either way, an if all clear let her rip – at which point a stunner will walk down the aisle, only to be met with a pong of almighty proportions. Amazing how folk pretend there is NO smell there, even when their facial muscles are twitching like nobody’s business.

Thank god for that, I thought it was just me. I seem to have a knack for having hitherto unnoticed attractive young ladies walk past just as I’ve stealthily deflated.

Or of course, come and ask me something at work. Mostly these days at work I dodge that bullet by utilising a short stretch of otherwise unused corridor with a door at each end to store the unwanted byproducts of last night’s ale and curry.

I let a full ripper go in the cinema as a kid with my Uncle(smokey and the bandit 2). What seemed like every member of the audience turned to look at me. Without skipping a beat I then looked at my Uncle next to me. The filthy looks he got. Plus it hummed! I got a clip after the show, well worth it. From then on he called me bandit as I’d robbed him of his dignity, naturally he’s known as ‘smokey’.

I’ve only met JonV once, and will probably never do so again, but the things I’ve learnt about him on here since…..

Mate of mine (not me I promise) was, erm, receiving oral pleasure when he popped one off. The lass didn’t mind, apparently. She just giggled and got on with it.

12,years old in a hushed classroom, I could feel an almighty gas pocket searching for an escape route. I clenched in an effort to contain the emanation. Alas, it did not work.

The strangled squeal, much like that of a balloon deflating through a tightly pulled valve, gradually lowered in pitch and finished with a short, sharp raspberry. 30-odd faces turned to witness my initial embarrassment turning quickly to hysterical, sobbing laughter.

Teacher was not impressed.

I’ve spent far too much time this year on physios and osteopaths couches being twisted into unpleasant shapes and then having my spine pushed back into place.

My osteopath now gets me into position, says “Big breath in……. and exhale….” and takes a deep breath himself before applying the shove! 😈

Has anyone else ever ate a Batchelors Beanfeast? Well I have, 2 in this instance. In one day!

I was being persuaded by my househates to go down the Student Union for a game of pool, beers etc. This was Circa 1994. Hull. Well, I’d had a Batchelors Beanfeast for breakfast, and was already trumping some stinky eggy gas. So, yeah, let’s go down the union and hang about. hang on, I’ll just have sommat to eat, what’s in the cupboard? only another Batchelors Beanfeast (another flavour maybes). So cooked it up and necked it.

Off to the student union. start hanging about, loads of other students turn up, music on, plenty females turning up, things are starting to cook up and get interesting (including my guts). So somehow we we end up on the central table in this throbbing student union bar, it is all kicking off, very lively, I got my posse on my table surrounding me, and all of a sudden I let off one massive fart, y’know, expecting it to be a mellow low floor hum. No. No No No. It was the rankest, most disgusting dead badger guts from the nether regions of hell.

I immediately cleared out a 12 ft radius of everyone around my personal Ground Zero. So Obviously my stink. What can you do in this terrible, embarrasing situation?? well, I was full of beer by then and just sat there and grinned.

i farted at *ahem* ‘climax’ once….

If you don’t make the lady fart you’re doing it wrong. 😉

Which h…..

Ok, I’ll ban myself.

Several years ago, I dropped a morning pump loud enough to startle my wife into falling out of bed.

A few years prior to that, a mate of mine almost caused us to abandon a moving vehicle, having farted such a potent number that, in the words of a fellow traveller (the driver, in fact), “You could smell it before you heard it.”

We were actually heading to quite a posh place, and arrived with each passenger (except the lad who deployed the pump; he was lying on the back seat, in agony from multiple dead-legs) with their heads craned out of the open windows, much like Jim Carrey in that scene from Ace Ventura.

Best. Thread. EVA!

All the studes on my course went to the pub on the last day to get hammered and try to pull each other. For the last three years I’d been trying to overcome language difficulties between myself and the gorgeous Swiss lass in my class. We finally got down to a proper coversation, our heads just inches apart – I was drowning in her eyes.

The pressure built, I thought I’d get away with a silent number, and indeed I did. However, the ensuing stench had people at the next few tables leaving for tables further afield. I didn’t pull 🙁

Brilliant thread, every good forum has a fart thread!