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How do you make a Yorkshire omelette? Fist nick three eggs...............
omelettes? we don't have none of that fancy stuff up 'ere, tha noz
What do you call a pie on top of Barnsley town hall clock?
something ta eight
(funny in south yorkshire apparently) 🙂
Do you have to live in Yorkshire to get this?
Who's 'Nick Three Eggs' and why do you have to fist him to make an omelette?
There weren't any paedophiles when I was a lad, you had to buy your own sweets.
(Courtesy of Michael Mcintyre)
ROFLMAO @ grumm
+1 with the LOL at Grumm 🙂
Better than the OP 🙂
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
A Yorkshiremans dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
What do you call a sarky cowboy from Barnsley?
Tex Piss
A Bradford couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen.
'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband.
"Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!'
"Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!'
"Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in"
'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!'
A Yorkshiremans' wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - ****ing 'ell man, you've left the ****ing "e" out, you've left the ****ing "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".
As I used to say to a friend from York who sadly passed away a few years ago:
You can tell a Yorkshireman, but you can't tell him much!
I work in Barnsley and the word "eat" most definitely is pronounced "eight"
How are you pronouncing eight though?
ate?
eyt?
It's a play on words - "eat" is pronounced "ate". So "something to eight" refers both to the time and the eating of the pie. Probably...... 🙂
Bloke from Barnsley with a sore arseh0le asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"
LOL, please keep them coming!
Big 😆 at the arse cream joke
I Thank you,
At work we just got taken over by a Barnsley company, they all talk funny at the new Head Office (but very quaint). This is the joke being banded around by text (and I'm from North Yorkshire, nowhere near round there, it's another language/dialect, even to me).
The MD has a very strong Barnsley accent, it's difficult to take him seriously.
[url=
the bloody 'ell are you going on about?[/url]
Its funny cos its true!
Here's a classic one
[url=
Airlines[/url]
Been in YKS for ten years, its 'rayte' good
its so good even the bloke lancashire loves it
not being funny but has no-one bothered with the spelling mistake. i seem to think fisting happens darn sarf.
Post 5 - Grumm kindly pointed out the fisting. 🙂
HAhahaha at Grumms first post, very good, well done sir 🙂
I'm from yorkshire, lived in yorkshire all my life, have met some very strong accented folk, but never, ever in my time speaking to yorkshire people have i ever heard them utter the famous " t' " at the start of any words.
it just doesn't happen!
Really pook? You've never heard someone say "I'm just off to t'shop" or something like that?!
As Clarkson once said - it is more inferred than said (ie someone from Yorkshire couldn't say the band name 'The The' as it would just come out as a twitch).
But it IS alive and well - you clearly just haven't noticed it.
woody2000 - MemberReally pook? You've never heard someone say "I'm just off to t'shop" or something like that?!
ah yes - quite right. But never "it's in t'oven" when not arsing about.
It's a glottal stop, there's no T sound.
Surely Pook, you must have heard someone say
"I'll just put us tea in in t'oven"?
no, it's effectively in _oven. No T anunciated!
There is a sound though, but not distinctly a 'T'.
Wharrabout "in't th'oven"? 🙂
A Yorkshireman would never "I'm just of to t'shop" cause their all to tight to spend any money. The "T" thing is Lancashire.
Though once in a pub I did here a chap give the Yorkshire war cry when told the price of a pint "Ow much".
translate these then!
1. Intitot
2. Guizit
3. somethingsupeer
4. Gerritetten
5. Gerartnit
6. Supwidee
7. Smarrerweeim
8. Iampgorrit
9. Azeegeniter
10. Geeit mester
11. Eez gooinooam
12. Astha gorrit reight
13. Isthemum
14. Ast gorrit withy
15. Purrimineer
16. Ayampt eared nowt
17. Thalafta gerra newun
18. Eeesezazitintis – burraberritiz
19. Lerrus gerrus andswesht
20. Sumonemz gorragerroff
21. Weev gorra gerrus imbux
22. Thamus gerrit lernt
23. Shutthigob
24. Owzeeno
25. Aberritinterz
26. Eez nobutta babbi
27. Asta seenim ont telli
28. Nardendee wotardoooin
29. Corforus apostate itmornin
30. Lerrus gurrat pizchers
31. Astagorratenna
32. Eeenose nowt abartit
33. Eez gunna gerra lotta lolli forrit
34. Lerra gerontbus
35. Eedursnt purrizead undert watta
36. Eesezeantaddit
37. Oowurreewee – wuree weeizsen
38. Ateldim burreewunt lissen
39. Lerim purrizaton
40. Astle clowt thi if that dunt gioer
41. Tintintin
42. Gerarry tergithi and weeit
43. Eez gorriz attooam
44. Thawansta wesh thi eeroils aht
45. Middadz gorrajag
46. Thakkan ifthawannts
47. Tantad nowt dunnatit as I nose on
48. Cantha kumtowerowse tunneet
49. Weerz gaffa
Apparently there's a new kind of chewable ecstacy in Sheffield. It's called 'e by gum'.
translate these then!
1. Intitot=my that is extremely warm
2. Guizit= please give me it here good fellow.
3. somethingsupeer=one is thinking something is amiss.
4. Gerritetten=please eat it
5. Gerartnit=oh do please go away
6. Supwidee= (I'm assuming this is spelt wrong)=what seems to be the matter dear chap
7. Smarrerweeim=what appears to be the trouble with yonder chap
8. Iampgorrit=I'm afraid I don't have it dear fellow
9. Azeegeniter=Did that fellow give it to her
10. Geeit mester=give it the kind gent
11. Eez gooinooam=the chap is making his way to his abode
12. Astha gorrit reight=are you sure that you are correct dear fellow
13. Isthemum=It is your mother
14. Ast gorrit withy=do you have it about you person dear fellow
15. Purrimineer=put him in here
16. Ayampt eared nowt=I'm afraid I have not heard anything
17. Thalafta gerra newun=I'm afraid you'll have to replace it
18. Eeesezazitintis – burraberritiz=he denies it is his property but I am thinking to the contrary
19. Lerrus gerrus andswesht=one would like to immerse ones hands in water
20. Sumonemz gorragerroff=a select few chaps will have to alight/leave
21. Weev gorra gerrus imbux=we church going few need our pages of hymnal lyrics
22. Thamus gerrit lernt=one must be able to know it off by heart
23. Shutthigob=do please be quiet and stop speaking
24. Owzeeno=how does that chap have the knowledge
25. Aberritinterz=I am assuming that it does not belong to that dear lady
26. Eez nobutta babbi=he is an infant
27. Asta seenim ont tellihave you viewed the chap on the television
28. Nardendee wotardoooin=what is one upto
29. Corforus apostate itmornin=I would like you to call upon my person at half past the hour of eight in the morn
30. Lerrus gurrat pizchers=we shall make our way to the cinema
31. Astagorratenna=do you have ten pounds sterling about your person
32. Eeenose nowt abartit=the chap has no knowledge
33. Eez gunna gerra lotta lolli forrit=it is worth quite a sum of money
34. Lerra gerontbus=let her take public transport
35. Eedursnt purrizead undert watta=he never washes his head
36. Eesezeantaddit=he denies ever having it
37. Oowurreewee – wuree weeizsen=who was with the chap or was he alone
38. Ateldim burreewunt lissen=I informed the fellow of my opinion, which he chose to ignore it
39. Lerim purrizaton=let the fellow put on his head wear
40. Astle clowt thi if that dunt gioer=If you persist I will have to administer a sound thrashing
41. Tintintin=it would appear not to be in the metallic receptacle
42. Gerarry tergithi and weeit=(dubious spelling)=avoid giving it to you
43. Eez gorriz attooam=He has his at his abode
44. Thawansta wesh thi eeroils aht=one needs to pay more attention to what one is saying
45. Middadz gorrajag=my father drives a jaguar motor vehicle
46. Thakkan ifthawannts=It is entirely at your discretion dear fellow
47. Tantad nowt dunnatit as I nose on_ I am unaware of any tampering
48. Cantha kumtowerowse tunneet=Could one visit my abode this evening
49. Weerz gaffa =Where would your boss be at this moment
That's a lanky dialect quiz, not yaarksher.
and it does annoy me when southerners think [i][b]t'[/b][/i] goes before any noun. As has been pointed out, [i][b]t'[/b][/i] only goes before consonant - before a vowel, [i][b]th'[/b][/i] is required. In many cases, the preceding word is also followed by [i][b]'t[/b][/i]
e.g.
Am goin[i][b]'t[/b][/i] [i][b]t'[/b][/i]pub
Purrit in[i][b]'t[/b][/i] [i][b]th'[/b][/i]oven
etc etc
Clubbers in Yorkshire have taken to injecting ecstacy directly into their mouths. The process is known as E-by'gum.
A Yorkshireman would never "I'm just of to t'shop" cause their all to tight to spend any money. The "T" thing is Lancashire.
Is Yorkshire not in Lancashire? either that or it's part of Lancashire.
Aye lad, it's from Lancashire, where the generous and cheerful (in sharp contrast to their miserable and tight-fisted neighbours) populace can speak proper. How many Yorkshire comedians can you name? Exactly.
OK - heading across to the west of Lancashire
A man walks into a St Helens shop
"Hello I'd like to buy some turps"
"Certainly sir, would you like audio turps or video turps?"
Oh no its turning into a war of the roses!! Someone will be saying Tod is in Lancashire next!!!!