Washing up earlier and through sheer boredom got to thinking what insane laws I would implement if I was supreme, benevolent leader of the world. I’m not talking sensible things here.
Firstly I would standardise the shit out of things. Phone chargers, laptop chargers, curtain fittings, cutlery, mugs and other crockery.
Secondly, if you happen to be a politician you’ll receive an immediate epic beating if you don’t answer a question posed to you. There shall be a person competent at the art of fisticuffs employed to always stand next to every politician with knuckle dusters at the ready.
Thirdly, if you commit any driving offence that I, as supreme overlord, deem to be unacceptable, your car will be crushed and you’ll forfeit your license for the rest of your life. This is to include ‘making progress’
Fourth, footballers (and other over paid sportspersons) only to be paid a normal wage and to forfeit payment if they lose a match. The rest of what they’d normally earn is to be given to a charity chosen by the great dictator. Most likely the Funk for Funk foundation.
Fifth and final, all influencers and reality shit to be outright banned. May even con them by having a huge Big Brother/Love Island type event whereby I ship them all to a remote island and simply leave them there.
I’d include tea and coffee im the weights and measures act
I'd love all the girls
Wear diamonds and pearls
If I ruled the world
I'd be a merciful tyrant.
Id ban dysons, adult babies and top gear
Adult babies, as in adults that dress as babies of those that act like spoilt children? Both would be good to be honest. Once had a go with a Dyson ball hoover. Hateful unwieldy bag of shit
Strictly Come Prancing & any other similar telly drivel. Love Island? Get in the sea! (see what I did there)
Footballers? what he said ^^^. Politicians? what he said ^^^. Top Gear? what he said ^^^.
Helium balloons? I wouldn’t ban them but they’d £150.00 for the smallest ones.
Anyway, I haven’t got long enough to rant, I'm 66.
Instant ban on fireworks.
Make all gyms, swimming pools and fitness clubs free.
I'd also build a 50m pool and velodrome in every city. Also free.
I'd give everyone an extra day a week off but 4 hours of it needs to be done working in your community or for a charity.
Install lots more railways and only charge a nominal amount for fares.
Only have subsides for farmers that grow organic veg and raise their animals free range.
Ban flags
Ban alcohol spirits.
All beer to have a maximum alcohol amount of 2%, wine would be 5% alcohol
Have compulsory annual medical check ups for all. Would also be linked to your driving licence. So if you're unfit then your license is automatically revoked.
Free school meals, all cooked by trained chefs using local ingredients where possible.
Free childcare for those that are in work.
Build massive resorts for over 65's with great food, healthcare, exercise classes, coach trips, big gardens and nightly entertainment. It's free once you're in but would cost £100,000 each to join. That should free up the housing stock and ensure that the oldies get the best of care.
That was meant to be ban fags, I don't have anything against flags. Well some I do....
https://www.flickr.com/photos/cts56/4714694811/
😤
I'd bring about a Thunder Dome and feed most of the current and previous Cabinet into it.
Selling things that can't be repaired would be banned.
Nigel Farage would be locked in a room with midges for the rest of his natural life.
Trains would have the Guards van again or simply a dedicated cycle carriage.
Cycle racks/parking closer than the car parking spaces to the places you want to be. Complete with armed Guards.
Temporary disabled parking badges for injuries which will heal but are still a massive pain, such as broken leg, pelvis etc
Some other petty stuff I can't think of right now.
all takeaway containers to be a standard shape and size so lids and tubs are interchangeable.
Ban lorries over taking lorries on dual carriageways, one doing 59 mph and other doing 59.4mph for about 10 miles until it passes
That was meant to be ban fags, I don’t have anything against flags. Well some I do….
That's unusually un-PC language for this forum
Slash the road building budget, no more new roads. Rail, tram, bus, cycle and walking infrastructure only.
Legalise e-scooters.
Immediately start a full retrofit programme of insulation and solar/battery on existing houses and mandate that all new buildings have solar.
Anyone listening to music via tinny mobile phone loudspeakers, especially on public transport, would be put in the stocks and have said music blasted at them for a day. Very very loudly.
Everyone who voted Leave would be carted off and dumped on an island somewhere. There you go, you've left. That'd also free up some housing stock and resources to accommodate those in need.
Edit: the above is more of a UK thing than the world. I'll move onto the world when I've sorted out the UK...
Ban all radio shows, ban talking on the radio. Ban drivel and inanities spoken on the radio. Ban all advertising. Ban tinned music piped in shopping centres and politicians. Ban vaping and smoking. Double ban weed and music promoting weed. Ban music being forced upon those not willing to hear it. Ban working unsociable hours. Ban everything. Ban people. Ban the world. Maybe I'm getting old?
Any form of littering, immediate execution. People driving who start indicating as they turn, immediate execution. People driving who suddenly stop in the street to let someone out of a side road, yes you guessed it ...
I'm really liking the punch a politician too.
Two to add to the list:
* If you queue to pay for something in a shop for more than 3 minutes, the item becomes free.
* Lorries banned from overtaking lorries.
I’m not talking sensible things here.
Are you sure? I found myself nodding along in agreement.
Mandatory 360° cycle/pedestrian sensors in cars (and vans and trucks) which are intelligently linked to throttle/braking/steering (and door handles)
Mandatory driver licence re-test every 5 years (including mandatory cycling-in-traffic element).
Immediate re-test required for every motoring law broken.
I've got a much longer list if you are bored but the above will do for starters...
Oh. And a more left field suggestion...rain would only be allowed to fall between the hours of 2am and 5am. (I'm a bit of a snowflake about riding in the rain)
If I rule the world .... All those on STW who opposed my views will be sentenced to create good trance music with heavy bass for me to enjoy, then bow. (provided I enjoy) Failing that the best noise cancelling ear buds will be permanently inserted into their ears with Jamie Oliver talking to them repeatedly 24/7. The only voice they can hear is Jamie Oliver. With the ear buds everyone will sound like Jamie Oliver if they happen to make contact with others. The only TV programme they can watch is Jamie Oliver telling them how good he is at cooking. The only food they can eat will be Jamie Oliver ketchup "fried" rice. The only topic of conversation they can have is praising Jamie Oliver. If they still fail to comply then they will be sentenced to listen to Margret Thatcher and her speech especially the "No! No! No!" Then praise Thatcher.
Oh. And a more left field suggestion…rain would only be allowed to fall between the hours of 2am and 5am. (I’m a bit of a snowflake about riding in the rain)
Ooohh, oooohh, oooohh ... this, definitely this.
Plus, the rain is only allowed to fall over rivers, lakes, reservoirs, or grassy slopes leading into the rivers ...all singketrack and trails are banned from being rained on.
I’m liking the rain control and Thunderdome suggestion.
Nigel Farage would be locked in a room with midges for the rest of his natural life.
and an unpredictable bear. Just a small one like Paddington so it can hurt, but not kill, him.
Ooh! People with a cosh or similar small sized weapon to be stationed every one hundred metres in city and town centres. If you’re walking whilst talking on your phone, tucked near your chin on loud speaker like it’s a ****ing prop from a sci-fi movie, be prepared to have it smashed and possibly have a hurty hand for a bit.
I'd make upmarket Sausages and a bottle red wine a compulsory meal twice a week.
I’d also build a 50m pool and velodrome in every city. Also free.
Bit short for a velodrome but proably still fun.
all singketrack and trails are banned from being rained on.
They'd turn to dust very quickly without some rain, or are you also proposing some sort of irrigation system to keep them in tiptop condition?
I’m really liking the punch a politician too.
I think I'd turn that into a gameshow. Kind of like The Running Man or possibly Death Race 2000.
Any politician lying or breaking the law or accepting "donations" would be let loose in the wild and the public could pay to pursue them.
There'd be pay-per-view TV rights as well, it'd make an absolute fortune.
The punishment for littering and fly tipping will be to eat what you dump.
They’d turn to dust very quickly without some rain, or are you also proposing some sort of irrigation system to keep them in tiptop condition?
Yeah, I did think that.
Easiest would be just a moderate shower, between 2am-5am, once a week or so.
But, if we're going all in for madcap world control, then irrigation/sprinklers FTW.
Any politician lying or breaking the law or accepting “donations” would be let loose in the wild and the public could pay to pursue them.
But then there would be no politicians.
But, if we’re going all in for madcap world control, then irrigation/sprinklers FTW.
In my world anybody caught riding a road bike in replica professional kit would be imprisoned and placed on trail watering duty. They’d be issued a backpack like the one Adam Sandler has in The Water Boy and forced to walk around trails keeping them at just the right level of moisture.
I'd reintroduce capital punishment for two specific offences.
1. Menus describing a meal as a pie when it is in fact a stew with a hat.
2. Sales people abusing reflexive pronouns ("please don't hesitate to call myself").
I'd ban any TV program that was crap, had a competition or involved 'celebrities'.... i.e. the whole of ITV.
I'd make all walkers/ramblers have a bell. Possiblly like a cowbell tied round the neck.
You know those chipped and tuned street racers ?the owners would be forced to drive them into a crusher and press the crush now button I would let them get out first not a complete monster 😉fireworks can **** right off as well AND people🤯# miserable old gits
I’d reintroduce capital punishment for two specific offences.
1. Menus describing a meal as a pie when it is in fact a stew with a hat.
Also food served on what looks like a floor tile, chopping board or chips in a basket thing.
Serving over done steak would require the death of a first born but I like to hope they haven't reproduced.
People on planes who want to talk to you about their holiday when I'm flying off for work.
In fact, anyone who wants to talk to be in a public space that I am not a friend of.
Firstly I would standardise the shit out of things. Phone chargers, laptop chargers,
I don’t know how long ago it was that you actually bought a charger for a portable electronic device, but it’s been quite some time since USB-A was adopted and became pretty much universal, now joined by USB-C.
Or did you mean charging cables? Despite what politicians say, the two are actually different things - trying to push a USB-C cable into an electrical wall socket really won’t get you very far.
The punishment for littering and fly tipping will be to
eathave what you dump thrown at you ,while being shackled in stocks.
Special heavy duty catapults could be used for larger objects like fridges and construction waste.
The people that hang dog shit bags on branches,would themselves be tied up in trees and showered with pig farm waste.
Nationalise everything that is essential; public transport by any means, energy, water and sewerage, communications networks and those health services (dental and optical) that are often private. Overhaul politics; Ban lobbying except in evidence to cross party committees. Ban donations to parties and have verifiable membership subs to fund them. Introduce PR STV voting system to encourage meaningful greener voting and replace every old duffer in the HoL with experienced public servants. Heavily tax luxuries and environmentally damaging goods, holidays and transportation. Increase tax rates for the uber wealthy, regardless of how they try to hide it. Want a UK passport? pay UK tax. Require construction companies to implement the latest green tech on all new builds. Stop building on green field sites when brown field sites lie unused. Heavily punish corruption in politics and money markets. Summon world leaders and do unto them as they do to others. Encourage consensus politics once I've killed all the bad guys. Legalise and regulate drugs with testing for all employees working in a safety related role. Secret lair in a volcano, white fluffy cat with bling collar and a lever operated opening bridge over the shark pool. Then on Tuesday...
1. Menus describing a meal as a pie when it is in fact a stew with a hat
I saw this thread and this was my first thought
All offenders to be hurled into a huge vat of gravy
Some form of daily exercise would be mandatory. Lifting pork pies/beer to eat/drink (etc) doesn't count. Everybody must eat salad twice a week. Every garden must have at least two trees in it. There should be at least one tree per person in towns and cities.
2. Sales people abusing reflexive pronouns (“please don’t hesitate to call myself”).
We could save time on that one you know, make the criteria more inclusive 😉
People who think they're... I don't know what they think... but people whose "ironic" roadman impersonations form more of their personality than being just a normal person. Capital punishment.
All C level executives (CEO, CFO, CTO etc.) required to do the lowest level job in their company for between 1 and 6 months a year on lowest salary in the company, length to be voted on by all other staff.
roadman impersonations form more of their personality than being just a normal person. Capital punishment.
With the hi-viz? I've heard the term road man but not sure exactly what it is. Aside some chap who works for the highways agency or local council.
This is rapidly turning into, 'if grumpy old men' ruled the world.
Everyone who voted Leave would be carted off and dumped on an island somewhere. There you go, you’ve left. That’d also free up some housing stock and resources to accommodate those in need.
Edit: the above is more of a UK thing than the world. I’ll move onto the world when I’ve sorted out the UK…
it would work everywhere in the world. if someone doesn’t agree with you, just cart them off to somewhere else!
australia would be where i’d suggest. nothing against australians, but it is a pretty remote
