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What? MORE bullshit bingo!

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[#12786441]

I'm sure there was a thread on this a while ago, but the only ones I can find are long since closed.

This morning I received an email (needless to say from a US company) imploring me to:
"Work as a team to uplevel employee experience"

WTF are they thinking? Even if the topic interested me, i'm not reading any more.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 12:37 am
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“Work as a team to uplevel employee experience”

Do you know the worst bit is it's just the word uplevel. The word "improve" in its place and it would work as proper English (with I assume the rest of the email context).

Or simply respond saying that you intend to

Misantrhopise your unicorn in order to achieve an upthink relative to the internal cuboid cognition problem?


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 12:51 am
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I would email back saying" I am sorry.  I don't understand the last email.  could you explain in simple english?" or something like that. I used to do that at work sometimes but I never had anything as nonsensical as that


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 12:54 am
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The word “improve” in its place and it would work as proper English (with I assume the rest of the email context).

Exactly my conclusion. Maybe I should reply and say i'm not interested in their proposition but I would like to improve my employee experience (except I don't).


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 1:03 am
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WTF are they thinking?

If you use normal words then anyone will think they are able to do your job.
Best to use some weird jargon to show that you shouldnt get your P45 yet.

I wonder if this sort of role will be particularly vulnerable to chatgpt and co. Plenty of source material to train it on and if it doesnt make sense it doesnt really matter. Absolute confidence beats accuracy.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 1:10 am
 Del
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Absolute confidence beats accuracy

Whole careers are based on this.

Are we sure this isn't a case of teaching the garden to weed itself? In other words if the very nature of the way the question was posed puts you off replying they're not interested in your reply.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 1:20 am
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Are we sure this isn’t a case of teaching the garden to weed itself? In other words if the very nature of the way the question was posed puts you off replying they’re not interested in your reply.

You mean there's money they want and money they don't want? I don't think that's likely.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 1:22 am
 Del
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You think those scam emails with janky English are written the way they are through ignorance?


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 1:26 am
 edd
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I really can't stand the term "delight". As in to delight customers.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 1:45 am
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You think those scam emails with janky English are written the way they are through ignorance?

Of course, but this isn't a scam, it's a US corporate whose blue skies imagineers are seeking to maximise the unit's revenue potential by leveraging their existing client base to uplevel their position as thought leaders.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 2:04 am
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IBM? If so, let me know as a good friend of mine is pretty senior in IBM and I'll give him a good kicking if his team are responsible...


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 3:09 am
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Tell them to downlevel until they reach the ringfenced Cerberus.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 7:42 am
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I'd reply with "up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A and Start" and that you've now both unlevelled and also have unlimited ammo.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 8:11 am
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Every organisation has an 'in group'  language from the military to healthcare. It reflects their culture, their morals, everything. It's partly used to exclude outsiders, and it's partly why some American organisations speak like this. There's a massive customer service ethic, and companies like Nordstrom, Zappos Southwest Airlines, use expressions like 'deliver WOW through service' constantly. Their work ethic, culture and language are just different, what sounds hokey and forced to us, is them being American. It's not their fault.

Besides, if you really don't understand what that sentence says or means, than perhaps your closer to the average reading age in the UK than you'd like?


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 8:27 am
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I'll workshop it, then ring fence my unicorns.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 8:32 am
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Do you work with any editors? Get them to annotate it and then return with an "F" grade. "Must try harder".


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 8:49 am
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I really can’t stand the term “delight”. As in to delight customers

Yeah, what's wrong with "pleasure"?


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 9:48 am
boriselbrus reacted
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I've done the same as TJ to a couple of newsletter or bank emails, usually then there's too many three letter acronyms in them.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 9:58 am
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Are we sure this isn’t a case of teaching the garden to weed itself?

You mean the garden can uplevel its own horticultural journey?


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:01 am
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Yeah, what’s wrong with “pleasure”?

Thanks, that made me chortle. Pleasure me some more…


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:07 am
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My main concern with this thread is that - although I recognise the linguistic offence - the OP's email header looks perfectly normal to me...


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:09 am
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A local estate agency keeps posting leaflets through the door, - 'Do you want to uplevel your property'. It went straight into the recycling bin.

I was listening to Ken Bruce on his new 'Greatest Hits' radio show. The news reader/caster said something about 'up -powering', she was soon switched off.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:11 am
 IHN
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usually then there’s too many three letter acronyms in them.

I think you'll find they're called TLAs


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:12 am
sirromj and kelvin reacted
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Maybe they use language like this to weed out whimgers?


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:21 am
 IHN
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I really can’t stand the term “delight”.

I think you'll find that the most inaccurately used word in business is 'exciting'. Going on holiday is exciting, a trip on a rollercoaster is exciting, a new mortgage product, for example, is absolutely not.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:29 am
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I think you’ll find they’re called TLAs

Username checks out.


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 11:13 am
kelvin reacted
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Except they’re not acronyms…


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 11:15 am
kelvin reacted
 IHN
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Except they’re not acronyms…

Well, I wasn't going to mention this, but yeah. They're still TLAs though.

Username checks out.

DFR


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 11:54 am
kelvin reacted
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Yeah, what’s wrong with “pleasure”?

Thanks, that made me chortle. Pleasure me some more…

Yeah, me too! 🤣


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:43 pm
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I think you’ll find they’re called TLAs

OTT TLAs. FML 🤔


 
Posted : 12/04/2023 10:48 pm
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Besides, if you really don’t understand what that sentence says or means, than perhaps your closer to the average reading age in the UK than you’d like?

"your"?

Seems it's YOU that's in this cohort 🙂


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 4:32 pm
sirromj reacted
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Yeah, what’s wrong with “pleasure”?

Well used incorrectly there'll be a harassment suit, dismissal and possibly restraining orders.


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 7:58 pm
dissonance reacted
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The reason I would send that back with a "please could I have this in English" is twofold.  One to point out the idiocy of it and 2) because I would fear taking the wrong meaning from gobledegook like that

uplevel is not a word.  so that renders it pretty meaningless and "employee experience" of what?  Being at work?  the commute in?  the canteen arrangements? the workload? the manglement?


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 9:31 pm
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the manglement?

Freudian slip? I might start using that to describe my bosses


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 9:40 pm
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Deliberate.   😎


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 9:44 pm
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Is "Manglement" not out of BOFH? Or something like that. Dilbert perhaps.


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 9:45 pm
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BOFH?

I certainly didnt invent it

🤣


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 9:51 pm
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I was contacted by "business angels" about an investment opportunity the other day. I devilishly declined.


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 10:01 pm
reeksy reacted
 wbo
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You might want to go back and fix your english and sentence construction TJ 😉

These things always flush out the whingers. If you don't like this existing in your work culture, it's easier to change jobs. Or be changed


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 10:13 pm
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Or something like that. Dilbert perhaps.

BOFH has definitely used it although no idea if it came from there.


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 10:16 pm
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BOFH?

IT thing


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 10:17 pm
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It's even easier to ignore it.

Or 'self actualize your inner ostrich'.


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 10:19 pm
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Google Translate could really do with upping their game and having a business bullshit option.


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 10:32 pm
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Lolz @ WBO

streamline out-of-the-box functionalities

syndicate clicks-and-mortar infrastructures

https://generatorfun.com/business-bullshit-generator


 
Posted : 13/04/2023 10:53 pm