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It's very much dependant on the kids. It's already been said that many posters would have left theirs alone at 8 or 9, but not another sibling at the same age.
Mum's a schoolteacher. She knows what goes on when her back is turned to the class, so is desensitized to these things anyway. You're going to be wrong whatever your opinion is on the matter.
Non parent here
As a nipper in the 70s we were generally out most days playing in field and wood. By ,11or 12 walking and taking a train to school. Non of this seemed unusual
These days I doubt it's quite so normal. But for me I think there has to be in place either a phone or a robust understanding of what to do in case of a problem
Daughter has been left for about half an hour since 10, regularly nipped to the shop (minute walk) for years before.
Now getting to the point where she'll be in the house herself for a couple of hours from March, child minder doesn't take over 12s. Need to work up to that.
Dons flamesuit, but if you have kids of high school age and they’re not capable of cooking themselves a simple meal (I’m talking beans on toast) unsupervised, you’re doing something wrong.
Well I was talking about a ~10 year old in that context so Primary School aged. And it's not necessarily that 10 year olds can't use the kitchen unsupervised, but that if I'm only leaving them alone for half an hour how badly do they really need a Bacon Sandwich Vs potentially burning the house down for the want of a parent to respond to shouty panic? many 10 year olds are competent others are liabilities.
I did also note that My 15 Year old would disregard that instruction now, my 12 year old can operate kitchen kit but generally chooses not too without significant pestering, and her avoidance of catering generally means she's less competent with these things still.
But when they were about 10, the simplest rule to implement was just 'don't switch anything on in the kitchen while I'm out', that didn't include the tap obviously.
I was walking the 15 minutes home from school alone twice a day from age 7 (mum would initially meet me part way, then she gradually left it later and later until I was doing the whole thing), so I guess I was probably being left alone while they nipped to the shops (15 minutes kind of thing from a similar age). Certainly by secondary school a morning at home on my own would have been fine.
We didn't get a phone until I was 9 or a TV until a bit after that, but give me a book, lego or an airfix and I'd happily not move for an hour or so. I already understood about "don't **** with gas or leccy", and I was a boring goody-two-shoes spod of a kid who enjoyed being trusted so won't have done anything to upset the status quo.
I can’t really think of any dangers that would befoul her.
Not being a child anymore I guess that you can't remember the ridiculous things you did at that age? The main thing is will you ever find out what she does when she's bored? My parents didn't, mainly.... Off the top of my head -
- using any bed as a trampoline
- using the top bunk plus bedding as a makeshift slide
- searching for Xmas/birthday presents, obviously. If finding them entails a climb up the cabinets then that's good.
- locking myself out of the house and climbing up the drainpipe to the broken bathroom window to get back in.
- mixing anything to find out what it tastes or smells like, or how it splats when it hits a neighbours greenhouse
- what happens when Evel Knievel hits my brother square in the forehead.
- darts or boxing gloves. Need I say more.
- fighting with said brother. He still has a scar my parents thought was from falling down the back steps.
- finding out how much pee it takes to fill up a Jedi light sabre. (Answer 1. not enough. A mess was made. And answer 2, I don't know why I did it, I was 9!)
This is quite therapeutic actually. I might continue later. 😀
I think we started this kind of thing the year before high school, including walking home on his own in preperation. Although I suspect even earlier from a dog walking point of view.
Depends on the kid I guess and how many kids. I suspect you are likely to get bother with more than one...
Well OP - don't leave us hanging. How old are the kids and what was the resolution?
Depends very much on the kid and the location, but 10-11 for ours - sensible kids, locked themselves in, had mobiles, got on well with neighbours.
Back to the OP question, it also depends on the likelihood of you not getting back to the house so if that trip to the shop could be delayed by another 30mins because of whatever, or you go for a run and the route is sketchy that may also factor in the decision as well as the age of the kid.
I have been known to go to the gym late at night when the kids are asleep and it's a short walk there and back (and yes the kids are properly asleep and screens time-locked 🙂 )
Lolz at @Idlejon
I think that I was about 11 from memory? That'd have been mid nineties. We did have a land line, and possibly my parents had mobiles by that point.
My kids,we're cycling home a couple kms from school when they were 7, and no parents home when they got there, so I guess that age
Not too many disasters. I'm a bit surprised at ages like 14 and 15 being too young to be left alone. Not that long till they potentially leave home
Kids are 8 and 5.
Wife decided that she wouldn’t leave them alone at home so she could go out for a run after all. That’s a good outcome.
However, by saying I felt very uncomfortable with the idea of leaving them home alone I was actually implying that she’s the worst person in the world and that she wanted to cause intentional harm to the kids. So I’m a massive ****
Can’t win them all I guess
Depending on the job why not negotiate a couple days WFH, or late start/early finish so you can share some of the load and MrsGinge can go for her run. It's a win/win - she gets a run for headspace, you get brownie points and maybe some extras
wot suspic says
I can imagine your wife is slowly going off her nut looking after two kids all day every day for weeks on end. I'd last 2 days max 🙂
I’d leave our ten year old for half an hour or so. Saying that, last time I did I walked through the door and could immediately smell shit. The dog had curled one out in the middle of the living room floor. Funk Jr was staring at the TV playing Lego Star Wars. Completely oblivious to the stench and giant pile of shit about a foot in front of him! Utter space cadet.
Funkette is six and if you leave the room for a nanosecond something will be broken, spilled, drawn on or on fire. Think it’ll be a while before she’s left alone.
My siblings and I were basically feral from about six and wandered the neighbourhood at all hours. Would pop back home when hungry or injured.
Yeah I'd think 8 and 5 is too young personally.
Out of curiosity, is there any legal guidance on leaving kds at home alone?
To clarify I always make sure MsGinge gets out for her runs (which has included time training for an ultra this year). This is purely about going out and leaving the kids alone.
If it makes any difference she’s done it once before, without me knowing about it, and had a fall. She was quite a way from home at the time and took longer than she thought to get back. No harm to anything other than her knees but didn’t leave me feeling particularly reassured.
8 years old, very borderline, with a 5 year old, hard no. Your wife needs to have hard think about what she suggested, as a teacher more so. You have the financial luxury of not needing to pay for child care as she's free during holidays and I bet you dont get 13 weeks off a year either. I think she needs to consider her priorities.
You WFH looking after them, also not on, You're being paid to work not babysit. Ok in a one off emergency but I dont think your wife going for a run counts. Bit different if they were 11 and 14 but 5 year olds need regular attention.
We did this sort of stuff once kids were in year 5/6 and going to school alone and having a door key. However we are lucky to be close friends with most of the neighbours, so they could go straight to them if needed. Like the time I set the house on fire, we were able to just shove them out the door and tell them which house to go to while we sorted it.
So I’m a massive ****
Might be time for a new patio!! 🙂
100% different for every child. My daughter would have been fine to leave at 6, me on the other hand at 13 thought flaming arrows was the game of choice when mum popped out to the greengrocer for 20mins. Still have the scars.
Happy to leave our youngest at 7 to look after his older brother who was 10. It’s totally kid dependent. And having a neighbour to call on was standard operating procedure before mobiles. They don’t change. The youngest is still the reliable one 🙂
Ours at end of primary were left while we walked a few mins to shop and back - and the lads had all sets of neighbours they knew by name.
By start of secondary they were leaving house and coming home to house on thier own, for upto an hour.
They also went to pals houses across town alone.
By mid secondary we left them all day while we went for a ride/walk/paddle/sofa shop etc.
By 15 they got on a train themselves and travelled to the other end of the country to see gran & grandpa
By 17 they took a car away for a weekend of mountain bike racing.
At 18 they were living independently in Glasgow or Edinburgh.
Progression is where it's at.
Preparation for life, not wrapping in cotton wool.
Out of curiosity, is there any legal guidance on leaving kds at home alone?
No there isn't.
It's Rule No.1 and know your kids time.
If you think they're old enough to know what to do if somebody knocks the front door then they're old enough.
Out of curiosity, is there any legal guidance on leaving kds at home alone?
Yes IIRC. I can't be arsed looking it up tho. two ages - one for being left alone and another for being left in charge of younger children
10ish to nip to the village for half an hour. 13yo capable of being left for prolonged periods.
The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:
children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone
I think there is case law around it as well. I thought there was statute law but there is not
I don't really remember but I know we started with leaving them alone for 5 or 10 minutes whilst we went to the shop for milk etc. My son was 9 or 10 when he started getting the bus on his own to go to the pool for diving lessons. We bought him a mobile and the first two or three times his mum went with him. It was good for him and when we went to his first parents evening at high school most of his teachers commented on how organised he was. My BIL doesn't trust his girls to do anything on their own and I don't think it does them any good.
As an aside, in New Zealand, it is illegal to leave under 14 year olds unsupervised.
https://www.govt.nz/browse/family-and-whanau/childcare-and-supervision/leaving-children-by-themselves/
mine are 11 and 13, the one thing that I won't do if this were to happen, is say 'the eldest is in charge' because my opinion is that kids are not adults. On a psychological level you are asking them to accept adult responsiblity and pressure when they are not an adult - on a practical level its asking for squabbling !
You WFH looking after them, also not on, You’re being paid to work not babysit.
As a single dad with full time child responsibility Sat to Wed I worked from home since 1998 when the kids were 3, 7 & 9 - admittedly I did a lot of work 9pm to midnight & on Thur & Fri, but we don't all have the luxury of co-parenting when trying to keep a roof over our heads.
8 and 5 is crazy talk. 99% chance of it being fine but if the 8 year old has any sort of accident what are the chances of the 5 year old helping that to a good outcome.
We live less than a minutes walk from the shops so from about 8 or 9 years old we would leave the eldest along for the 5 mins it would take to go to the shops and back.
I think being left on their own for say an hour or so was probably 11 - post secondary school start, covid means there was no chance earlier.
At 15 the eldest babysits a 10 year old who has 90 mins between finishing school and his mum getting home.
I think we may have left her home alone overnight once or twice very recently, with the grandparents living within 10 mins drive, and her knowing all of the neighbours
I don’t know. They can be surprisingly resourceful. Our oldest persuaded her 18m sister to wipe her bottom when she was 3. I was in the house but she evidently didn’t think this was worth bothering an adult for.
I was put on a train in Abergavenny aged 11 and told to change in Newport to get the Intercity 125 to London Paddington where a family friend would meet me. No problem at all as far as I recall. Return journey a week later just as uneventful.
This was back in 1978!
There’s no way I would consider a kid old enough to stay home alone if I didn’t already trust that kid with access/.use of a telephone.
And there’s no way I’d leave them alone without it below the age of about 15
We didn’t have a phone in the house until my mum remarried and we moved to my stepdad’s house, in 1973 by which time I was 17…
My dad died when I was 13, I was often left alone from around 11, and I would bugger-off out to play over the fields on my own at 8-9, walking home from school at that age.
Chippenham was a much smaller town in the early sixties, you could buy a book in Smiths with every road in the town and everyone in each road listed. Few people owned cars, kids could play in the road all afternoon, with the very rare shout of ‘CAR’ stopping whatever game it was for all of a minute.
The past is a different country, they did things different there…
Given the high school here finishes at 1pm on a Wednesday and Friday and the youngest kids there will be 11, I reckon that's round about the age where it is socially acceptable for a kid to be in the house on their own.
Accordingly my 11yo has started being left on his own, occasionally, for half an hour or so beginning a couple of months ago.