That’s the problem these days. Too much sax and violence.
👏👏🎩
Chuckling at all the pervy voyeurs on here talking about their weird neighbours!
Not weird but hilarious, our new neighbours next door have two little girls age four and six, who attack their dad mercilessly, most nights we just hear him screaming OW STOP OW OW! as he's set about by them, I imagine a scenario like a cross between Gremlins and the Pink Panther where they dive on him from the top wardrobes, the fridge, the back of the couch etc, they're both totally bonkers, we call them Mad and Madder/ The Crazy Ladies amongst other things, they come round here and cause total mayhem, they're totally brilliant.
smiffy - is there something you're not telling us?
I like my neighbours* - we drilled a hole through the wall shoved some Cat5 through and have free of charge mega fast broadband.
*School friends who own a graphics/design studio next door.
It might just be us, but Mrs Scape and I have come to the conclusion that we're the only "normal folk" on our little cul-de-sac/enclave. Next door one way is delightfully bonkers in a very wonderful if not chaotic way. Plays sax in a pro group and can often be heard practising.... so I've learnt the bass lines to several of her songs and crank up the amp so we can jam over the hedge (hereinafter referred to as Lola's bush....) He husband is an ex-army type who coaches a women's rugby team and they have regular parties there where we all get invited. That has led to several surreal scenarios involving far too much prosecco, several loved-up and slightly fighty same sex couples, outdoor pizza ovens and a filth pond.
Next door the other way are perhaps the oddest couple I've ever known. She's become more or less a recluse since lockdown as she is immunocompromised, but he is perhaps the most humourless, thoughtless cock on the planet. We "take it in turns" to fetch each others bins down. I now keep a diary and he's managed it seven times since the start of the pandemic. The shared driveway is really steep, and when it snows we all turn out with snowshovels, except him. He hasn't helped once in 17 years. Tosser.
We “take it in turns” to fetch each others bins down. I now keep a diary
Yes, your neighbours are definitely the weird ones.
We haven't had any within 400m for the last 22yrs. Downsizing now and dreading it. I will take some getting used to; loud music, big fires, peeing where the fancy takes me, naked sunbathing, wandering about at night with a tinny trying to wind the owls up. Poor sods have got some grief coming.
One of the elderly neighbours over the road jokingly told me off for putting next doors bins on their drive, after the bin men had been and I got home early.
Apparently he likes to do it.
Nice chap.
<p style="text-align: left;">The shared driveway is really steep, and when it snows we all turn out with snowshovels, except him. He hasn’t helped once in 17 years. Tosser.</p>
That reminds me of one of our neighbours. We had a massive storm come through, trees down all over including our house. One house all came up to help tarp our place before the next downpour. We all got together with chainsaws and cleared the driveways of multiple downed mature trees. The other neighbours contribution was to come out at the end with a leaf blower because “I can’t stand the mess.” WTAF?
smiffy – is there something you’re not telling us?
if he told you he’d have to kill you
I am the weird neighbour.
Her on the next road over absolutely screams at her kids. It's horrible in the summer as she leaves the door open. But she's at it now. Door shut. Can hear her clearly. Yelling at her kids to get ready.
They go to the same school as mine.
It's 11 mins walk.
My lot are still asleep and will be for another half hour or so.
So I'm not sure what the urgency is.
Or the need for consistent volume and choice of language.
Anyway, my parenting style is perfect.
We “take it in turns” to fetch each others bins down. I now keep a diary
Yes, your neighbours are definitely the weird ones.
I have a bit of a wrangle with Mrs Scape. She thinks he brings the bins down once every four weeks or so. I reckon it's about once every three or four months-hence the "diary" . I now know he hasn't brought them down since mid-May so am currently occupying moral high ground. I reckon it's his turn this week, but they've been up there since Tuesday and I'm waiting to see who blinks first. Mrs Scape keeps spoiling it by bringing them down herself.
Yelling at her kids to get ready.
They go to the same school as mine.
It’s 11 mins walk.
My lot are still asleep and will be for another half hour or so.
So I’m not sure what the urgency is.
Pre-school club and she has to go straight to work?
The yelling bit is not nice though - although I have to admit I did lose my temper a couple of times when my two were younger 🙁
hence the “diary”
I feel sorry for your neighbours.
I have a bit of a wrangle with Mrs Scape
You're wrong.
Hth, it will, and you'll thank me.
We all got together with chainsaws and cleared the driveways of multiple downed mature trees.
We have this whenever a tree comes down. Got one massively overweight, bandy legged 80+ year old and another guy in his late 60's who appears to be made of rage, sinew and finnish beer.
They turn up with two commercially massive chainsaws and turn any tree which dares to compromise the roadway into neat 30cm chunks in about 20 minutes. All gone before lunchtime and stacked neatly in a woodshed somewhere.
My neighbours introduced themselves as Kitty and Matt. My wife didn't get why I let out a guffaw.
My wife didn’t get why I let out a guffaw.
I'll be honest, I'm with your wife on this one.
You sound a bit stiff 🤷♂️
Me too!
You sound a bit stiff 🤷♂️
Are kitty and matt good names for corpses?
Gunsmoke?
The weirdest thing my current set of neighbours have done is to die en masse. Next doors both sides and four across the road in a short spell.
Be afraid, be very afraid
Ridiculous – the sooner we get American style home owner associations in the UK the better. They would have the power to ban this madness. Bikes are for looking pretty hung on the garage wall not for riding (next to my canoes, kayaks, kites, tents etc).
Be very, very careful what you wish for: HOA’s often tend to attract the worst kind of reactionary little nazi who makes it their entire life’s work to impose their every demand on everyone in the community. Every aspect of the community and their lives will be controlled and any tiny infraction of whatever random rules imposed will be fined heavily.
Be very, very careful what you wish for:
I was assuming the comment was in no way intended to be serious, for precisely the reasons you set out
I’ll be honest, I’m with your wife on this one.
Sat on the mat?
I was assuming the comment was in no way intended to be serious, for precisely the reasons you set out
Honestly, it’s not always easy to tell, I’ve just read far too many horror shows of what HOA residents have to deal with, because everyone suffers, not just someone next door.
My late partner used to get very cross with the next door neighbours on one side, because they were very loud, and had small, very yappy dogs that they’d chuck out into the garden and shut the door, leaving them outside for hours yapping at everything that moved.
They have another one now, that yaps at stupid o’clock at night when the hedgehogs trot through their garden.
She also got cross about Dan over the road, who built racing cars for banger-type racing. He bought MOT failures, and gutted them, putting in crash cages and doing full prep, which unfortunately involved using whizz-wheels and a fair amount of banging, and revving the engine. Her annoyance was perfectly understandable, tbh. He’s a nice bloke, and he’s got a lovely family, one of his lads has a Micra which he’s building up as a race car like his dad’s; he’s about eight! Fortunately, Dan has a unit on an industrial site where I used to work, plus access to several lockups, so things are much quieter these days.
We had a young lad move in across the road. His folks had bought him the house and were obviously wedged turning up in their Austin Martin and Bentley occasionally. The house was a revolving door of ladies of the night and drug dealers.
His folks had bought him the house and were obviously wedged turning up in their Austin Martin
Posh allegro?
In the nine months we've lived here, I'm puzzled by the single middle-aged woman who lives next door. It's a 4-bed semi (having been extended to the side), front garden, drive, garage, and a long back garden. She only lives there one night every week. Maybe once every fortnight. It's not a regular night. No pattern. Usually comes home late at night, and is gone the next day. The garage is clearly full of something, as there's a rotting MkII Golf parked on the drive in front of it which never moves. When she does come home she parks her Lupo on-street across my drive, blocking my access. Never once seen her in her back garden. It's left 'to seed', but one day last June she clearly hired a gardener for the morning who embarked on a major defoliation program and napalmed most of it. Carries out zero maintenance on the house. Even my untrained eye can spot several problems that need attention. Or will do soon.
She nice enough, and we've had chats out the front of the house, but...
Why own a big 4-bed house (must be pushing £0.5m) but never live there? Why not at least get one or two lodgers? Or why not fully rent it out if you're clearly living somewhere else?
Wild-ass guess based on experience from work would be that she lives elsewhere (possibly some distance away) and the house and car actually belong to a parent/elderly relative that is now in residential or nursing care. She could be staying there occasionally to save on hotel bills when visiting said relative. Renting houses out or selling them while the in-care elderly owners are still alive seems to be an absolute minefield for care fees, IHT etc.
There are thousands (probably tens of thousands) of houses around the country sitting rotting away for just this very reason. Sad and bloody frustrating given the shortage of housing across the country.
ETA: the maintenance issues may stem from there not being enough funds in the owners accounts (assuming proper financial POA is in place) to do much. It could be at the mercy of when/if the family can spare the funds to do anything.
Yep. For insurance reasons she will have to be there, usually at least once a month. But getting a place fit to rent is a huge amount of work and expense and if she or the owner doesn't have the cash it's difficult
Seeing the Austin Martin above reminds me of a guy who occasionally works on jobs once or twice a year and he kept going on about the Austin Martin best cars on the planet to the customers who had one but no one would correct him as he's a bit of a flash nkob with his brand new diesel Audi
He does landscaping and always tries to call all plants by their Latin name to impress but I've heard him saying to a woman once we can put a "buxom bush" either side of the gate for you rather than buxus bush
He's like a del boy with his malapropisms
Once.
Any more hilarious examples?