So I'm getting married in June and we're preparing to send out our invitations. We have a bit of a quandary about presents though. We both have houses full of stuff which we don't need to add to. I'm also dead against getting vouchers for travel given the lack of protection afforded should the company go belly-up. I know it's not very British, but how would you go about suggesting cash as a gift? Apparently putting ""Nea flowers, plastic tat or other sh1te. Cash only to 11-08-22....." isn't great etiquette.
Tell your guests to convert whatever presents they have in mind as gifts to the value of cash. Sorted.
🙂
Why not? That's what we did. Set up a PayPal account where folk could donate what they thought fit. Ours had a purpose - world travel - which I think helped persuade folk that we weren't going to spend it on cheap cider and scratchcards. Ended up with 6 months of unforgettable memories traveling round SE Asia. Quite comfortably too.
Just explain your thinking. People are generally ok if you're honest.
Can you not think of something they could contribute to?
If you don't want or need anything -charitable donations, or "no gifts please"
You're not owed gifts and it's just nice to have everyone share the day isn't it?
We asked for donations towards a tandem, which folk were happy to chip in for and we still use with the kids.
OOOH a tandem. Hmm, that'll never get past the committee. I like the donations idea. I'm trying to do that instead of favours. Wtf are they all about?
Not being funny, but nothing annoys me more than people requesting cash or money towards something as a present. It's a wedding, you are getting married because of love. Surely presents are an added bonus and something that shouldn't be planned for? Or are you getting married so that you can earn a few bob?
Sex toys?
tizzzzle - MemberSurely presents are an added bonus and something that shouldn't be planned for?
And cash is no different. It's not like they're charging an admission fee, they're just saying "we're prefer if you didn't buy us random shit we don't like, or pick something at random off a wedding list (a mate did a John Lewis wedding list, I bought them a bin, a saucer (no cup) and a load of spoons)
I see no problem in requesting money instead of wedding gifts. I rather give cash then having to shop around wasting time to think of a gift. 🙄 Besides, they are not robbing others at gun point.
It's not much different to a gift list. Just we don't want anything. If people want to give presents we'd prefer it in monetary form, probably to use for a honeymoon (eventually). Believe me, there's no way we'll be turning a profit. 😯
the thought had crossed.... 😈It's not like they're charging an admission fee,
Cash, presents, vouchers, same difference. When I got married my best mate didn't buy me a thing. He was happy to be there because I was getting married. I was delighted to have him there coz he's my best mate. All we do by formalising the present giving process is denigrate the reason for the big day.
Don't get me started on baby showers...
hot_fiat - Member
Believe me, there's no way we'll be turning a profit.
In other part of the world wedding means profit to the ones getting married, no big deal as it's common knowledge.
I'm also dead against getting vouchers for travel given the lack of protection afforded should the company go belly-up. I know it's not very British, but how would you go about suggesting cash as a gift?
I wish I was invited.
Present situation is the most awkward / horrible part of getting married. We didn't ask for anything when we got wed last year because we weren't bothered. Most people however gave us cash or vouchers in the end as we have just about everything we need
I'm very happy to give cash. Failing that, create a wedding registry. Otherwise people who want to buy you a pressie will end up wasting their money buying unsuitable crap (either because they have no taste or because they don't know what you need).
My brother in law and his wife did this when they got married. As others have said, give an indication of what it will be used for. They were buying a new piano (he's a composer) and it now sits proudly in their lounge and you know he's going to use it (unlike the 4 electric bread knives that we got at ours!)
If you don't need anything then leave it alone, why do people think they need to have gifts when they get married??
We basically said turning up and having a good time was enough, although if they wanted to give us a gift a contribution towards our honeymoon would be nice. We set up an account at our local travel agents and put the details on the invite.
You could always offer a cash reimbursement scheme, return of gift capital if the marriage does not last, agree to refund:
100% return of capital if marriage lasts less than a year
50% 1-2 years
25% 2-5 years
5% 5 years +
why do people think they need to have gifts when they get married??
I don't think it's that people want presents, more that lots of guests feel like they have to get you something even if you have explicitly told them you don't want them to! Asking for something at least avoids the awkwardness of them asking you what you would like anyway or just buying something random. We did the "please don't feel you have to get us anything, but if you would like to gift vouchers from <shop> would be appreciated" in the end, to avoid ending up with more toasters and electric carving knifes than we have plug sockets...
We created a wee online gift-list (google doc!) of 'things we'll spend the money on' and listed the things we wanted to do on honeymoon. Seemed to get a laugh and be well received!
It meant we got some really nice, well-thought out 'physical' presents and for those who didn't know what to get, we got a cheque for "jetski hire", "dinner for two at a lakeside restaurant" and most importantly, "2x MTB hire and a day's guiding".
We put a little rhyme on our invites...
"Please don't add to our paraphernalia help our start in Australia.
We don't wish to sound rude or funny, please no gifts but maybe some money.
All our stuff is with the shipper, some Aussie dollars would be ripper.
But most importantly we request, that you come to our wedding as our guest."
Houses full of stuff? Ask people to give a donation to a charity of your choice.
I think its an awful idea and makes weddings look sleazy and greedy. Especially if you have houses already. If you were young and were setting up a new home away from parents for the first time then fair enough. But as the sun is now out I'll get my bike.
makes weddings look sleazy and greedy.
This is what we're fearful of, my boss (she is the stereotypical American mom) tells tales of bride and grooms rejecting presents in the states that do not equate to the value of the cost of inviting the guest. 😯
There's no way we'd put "we want money", but then we don't need n+1 electric lemon juicers. Bike bits perhaps 😆
There's no way we'd put "we want money"
So why give account details to pay into? Been to plenty doo's where invitees say no gifts or money required to attend, however if you feel the need to, charitable donations can be given to this charity.
If you have all that stuff and few needs already, why not go and find some school / hospital in a needy part of the world and find out what all your guests could buy for them? We went to a wedding once where we gave to a school project in Barundi.
Forgot to say, when the wedding pics were uploaded, they had a pile of pics from the school that had fixed the roof, bout a new classroom, bough furniture and had a load of text books, stationary and teaching resources.
I always buy the great gift of a Bale of towels.
There are many cultures where giving money is the norm, often the money is used to pay for the wedding itself. If money is what you want I would suggest you ask. Accompanying the invite should be a note explaining your reasons. My parents gave my daughter money (they have generally preferred giving money than gifts over the years) and that was used to buy the wedding rings which my parents loved.
"The thought is appreciated but please don't buy us gifts as there's nothing we really need right now. If you'd like to offer a token, donations to our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated, or a donation to (charity of choice). Thank you."
People want to contribute to the big day so think of a nice way they can do that. If you don't want house gifts (which are the tradition as people's weddings used to be the start of life in their own homes) then a contribution towards something is better than 'just give us money'. It could be a contribution towards travel, it could be a contribution towards a home improvement rather a gift for the home. I've been to a wedding where the couple didn't need new things to put in their house but did need new windows and it was possible for guests to help them make a dent in the cost of getting that done if they wanted.
When my brother got married he and his wife to be were already living in a lovely but tiny flat, there wasn't any gift they could give space to, so they decided that everyone attending could just contribute to the day in some way instead if they like. Additionaly the brides family dynamics where such that you could have one or other of her parents present but not both, so the role of, for instance, the father giving away the bride would make a point of that absence. Instead there were non of those main roles and everyone did their bit instead. There was no best man but my dad was a great public speaker - so he was Speech Man, I used to DJ back in my student days so I was Music Man, Ms Maccruiskeen is a documentary photographer so she and few others did all the photography, reportage style, the 'cake' was in fact a cascade of home baking by several people. Someone sorted out a PA, some people helped sort out and decorate the venue and the tables, some helped the bride get ready, sort out flowers, and so on. Closer friends and family who were going to be about for the whole weekend anyway took on the bigger roles (and it was a good way for the two sides of the family to get to know each other better), others could just bring party poppers or something. Even the bride and groom had jobs - which was to organise the clear up at the end of the night so the last photo on Ms Maccruiskeen's roll was of the Groom with a Broom
Asking for anything or a gift list in the invitation is plain rude. If someone asks if there is anything you need then by all means tell them your idea but don't include it in the invitation.
They're not asking for gifts. They're asking people [i]not[/i] to buy gifts. Do keep up.
Cougar - Moderator
They're not asking for gifts. They're asking people not to buy gifts. Do keep up.
He said
BlindMelon - Member
Asking for anything
Do keep up.
A pal (on here) had a fund for a tandem as both he & Mrs had sorted homes.
Folk seemed happy to contribute, and it was a great gift.
"Please give us cash" seems a bit greedy/odd to me, I guess that's a British thing, I suppose it's a bit out of date, imagine the crap you'd get before gift lists.
OP, only saying this because you've asked explicitly for other opinions (I'm not having a go)- asking for money is crass and tacky,
Even saying 'if you really want to get us something, get us cash/get us xyz' People will then give you what state - everyone knows that etiquette wise you must get the couple something if anything is listed as an option.
If you have too much or too many houses, stuff and cash tell everyone you absolutely do not want anything and/or tell them to give the money to charity.
It's your call - if you want loads of cash, go for it - but I'd be wary about what others will think of your day/you as a couple - of course that may not bother you in the slightest!
Oh, and have a great day whatever you choose!
Not being funny, but nothing annoys me more than people requesting cash or money towards something as a present. It's a wedding, you are getting married because of love.
+1
it really grates my foreskin when people spend thousands on their big day and then expect you to help cover some of the costs with a financial gift....
one of the GF's mates complained about the cost of their wedding, 30k+, and that they recieved only about 7k (7k!). then she complained that they couldn't afford their new house as they didn't have a desposit ready.
needless to say i have little time for her.
one of the best weddings i have been to took place in the local registary office and the reception was held in a back garden. about 70 people, loads of buffet food, no crappy band or DJ... just really relaxed, no fuss event.
OP, if you want cash (let's be honest who doesn't) just tell them. Otherwise you'll get crap you don't need.
Just tell them you want the greek wedding money dance as part of your ceremony where guests stick actual money on you.
Ask for gift you will get 200 bread toasters if not careful. 😆
Just ask for cash and contribute some to charity, then bank the rest of cash to earn interest to have something for rainy days.
Time has changed so Cash is King!
BlindMelon - MemberAsking for anything or a gift list in the invitation is plain rude.
And yet, completely normal and accepted. Almost like your idea of rude isn't universal eh.
It's not like they're charging an admission fee,
Its all about how it is worded! Actually a "cash please" [i]would[/i] raise an eyebrow from me - but I suggested at ours (several years ago now) that we should 'sell tickets' because you would soon see who really wanted to be there and who didn't! Whilst that was a glib comment - I'm older, wiser, and cockier now and might just do that if I were doing it today!
I have had an 1st birthday invitation which said, "[our son] has everything he could possibly need and our house really has little space for extra stuff - so we don't expect any gifts, but if you really want to make a gesture please donate to [charityname]". That seemed like a great idea - but in reality most people seemed to bring a small present AND donate!
I also went to a wedding (a bit of a "hippy affair all round" - between a couple of 'tree hugging, anti-capitalists'!) where the invites included a note that the Bride and Groom did not expect any presents - but acknowledged the tradition of giving at weddings - so if you wished to give a present please make it yourself rather than buying something!
Just we don't want anything.
We were in the same position and just listed four charities in the invite and asked people to make a donation instead of buying us a gift.
We had a pretty small wedding (close family at the church, meal in a posh restaurant for brothers, sisters and parents (12 people) and then a party above a pub with a cheesy* DJ, lots and lots of family and friends and an aunty-supplied buffet; egg sandwiches, sausage rolls etc.
As we were getting married in Ireland but living in The Philippines, we could't take the usual 5 toasters back with us.
We made it clear we didn't want presents and gave the reason why. People read that as we want cash and we did turn a profit - I said it was a cheap wedding - and put it towards our Dublin, Belfast and Galway honeymoon.
I'd be annoyed if an invitation asked cash gifts. I think I'd give a little cash gift if I knew the couple didn't need stuff. The last time an invitation asked for donations to a particular charity, we did that and gave a bottle of bubbly too.
*awesome
Wedding gifts originate from young folks with f all to their name getting hitched and needing either 'stuff' or cash to set up home. If that is not you, you don't need presents plain and simple. It really rankles when invited to a wedding with a list consisting only of luxuries I could not justify buying myself, especially when you know the parents are paying for the day when the couple could easily afford to do so themselves. It just smacks if plain consumerist greed and makes me question them as friends. A suggestion of money gifts in your situation would be similar for me.
A simple "we [b]really[/b] don't want gifts, just the pleasure of your company" will suffice.
Going to weddings is often an expense with travelling and staying over - let that be your friends' gift to you.
Much as I'd like the cash. It'd turn part of my big day into a transaction. Costs spent v money recouped.
It'd feel like Im charging people to attend. Personally I've nothing against spending £100 on a great present that I've picked but handing over £50 cash feels cold.
If you already have a house full of stuff and can afford a wedding why not put a positive spin on the day/good feeling and ask for £20 min contribution to a charity that you choose?/set up a page. Then show the results on theday?
In the old days presents for the home etc were designed for very young couples with little money of their own yet.
Why conform?
Why follow the stereotype rule?
Its one of the reasons I hatethe whole idea/stuffy/demanding crap.
Convert +1
On a personal note. I disagree with the must be married to have kids. Slave to parents and their religion.
I'Ve given cash and received cash. It is nice to have some idea where it will go. I'd rather see it spent on a extravagance or something that you really need rather than just whittled away in a current account.
We got some furniture made, had a bathroom done and did some day trips on our honeymoon using ours.
Too many rules around weddings, do what you think feels right and it'll be fine.
