On a non injury theme - Indoor Skydiving.
With Injury - taking part in a non handed bike race with a buckled front wheel. It was always likely to end in tears and didn't disappoint!
At age of 8 or 9, decide to see what happens when you disconnect the connectors from the transformer to your Hornby model railway and stick them up your nose (with transformer on).
The smell of burning nostril stays with one.
Cut chillies then read the Yellow Pages with the wife.
Even if I wanted to, she wouldn't let me do it again....
read the Yellow Pages with the wife.
😆
Call in sick at 4am to the automated sickline.
Forget this happened and show up at work spectacularly drunk at 6am.
Good management in that day.
Arms crossed over riding a bike. Surprisingly difficult to do and surprisingly difficult to miss the nearest tree.
According to Amazon there are certain places a man shouldn't put Veet, doesn't matter how smooth you want to be
Pee anywhere near an electrical fence.
Close your zip on your foreskin.
When climbing - not tie in properly - done once checked 3 times on every climb since over 10 years ago and it wasn't going to end at all well)
On bike try and straighten a twisted bar by grabbing the front wheel between your calves - in the alps with my first introduction to discs & branding
Plan to go climbing with a mate while your missus is at a conference then when it rains tour the most interesting bars of Barcelona drinking for 9 hrs before trying to have an important relationship discussion...
Fly through the Zambezi gorge with a very drunk cousin piloting his stunt plane whilst he holds an unwavering belief in his ability to focus on wtf is actually happening outside 3sq ft of plexiglass windscreen..
Ps - drunken bet that ensued from a very pissed up night in the Harare flying club.
I have no idea how he managed to fly a plane as it took 2 people to drag him from the bar and into the cockpit, I was only 22 at the time and thought I was immortal so didn't worry too much till we eventually landed in zim falls and he admitted he kinda blacked out for a few seconds when we pulled out of the gorge, these days he flies Airbus A380's, I'll refrain from mentioning what company he flies for 8) ,
Pss - he went onto becoming a naval pilot before going commercial so I'm sure you're quite safe 😉
Drive through the low emission zone in a T4... 😯
(£500 of penalty charge notices for driving in and out of London)
Clearing a load of dead leaves from the spokes of my front wheel.
Before the bike had stopped moving.
I now keep the Rapha (presents honest) chamois cream and winter embrocation apart.
Meant to grab the chamois before a ride, didn't make it out the bathroom for hours. Deep heat or chilli hold no fear for my nethers now.
Do a 12 foot drop on to a north shore style bridge 6 feet above ground get it wrong and crush 3 vertabre. 🙄
Hold your mums hand while she slips from this world 😥
Chopping chillies for, er, a chilli; then
....take your contact lenses out. 😳
Stand on a rake to see if it really does smack you hard between the eyes.
It does if anyone is still wondering
Go metal detecting with your dad when he's wearing his steel toe cap wellies.
(Not me)
Use the back of an axe as a hammer.
[i]Go metal detecting with your dad when he's wearing his steel toe cap wellies. [/i]
😆
Zorbing.
20seconds of rolling downhill while strapped into in a bouncy ball, in which the acoustics alone made me dizzy before we even set off; let alone the actual act of rolling down the hill.
No enjoyment factor at all, but hours of motion sickness afterwards.
We dug up most of Saltdean beach that morning wwaswas!
Try to kick a leaf out of your front wheel whilst riding down a hill
Take the key out of the ignition to unlock the glove box whilst driving! 😯
Fall asleep at a meeting with Kim Jong-Un,allegedly .
[url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-32716749 ]Mr Hyon was killed on 30 April by anti-aircraft fire in front of an audience of hundreds[/url]
Let the punishment fit the crime and all that 😯
Go on a 'once in a lifetime' holiday
At age of 8 or 9, decide to see what happens when you disconnect the connectors from the transformer to your Hornby model railway and stick them up your nose (with transformer on).The smell of burning nostril stays with one.
On a similar theme, at the age of 8 or so, make a "working robot" out of a 3 pin plug wrapped round the pins internally with about 15 rounds of fuse wire....and then plug it in.
That kick sent me across the room.
Drop 100 glowing red hot large gents signet rings into a vat of sulphuric acid.
Around 3 I discovered that not all round, brown things are biscuits...
some of them are cacti,
apparently getting the spines out of my mouth and lips was a nightmare
Convince your younger sister that the slug'em pellets (slug / snail poison) are lucky packet candies. Stomach pumps are not fun.
organise a 12 hour bike race.
Bungee jump ... but rather than jump off, forward head first....
Jump backwards feet first... a world of trouble once the cord tightens.
Scoff one of the coffee flavored biscuits left in the office kitchen.
Turns out that they're spent coffee bricks from the coffee machine.
Put a pair of binoculars to your eyes without noticing there was a wasp sat on the eyepiece.
Go snorkelling, spot a narrow rock arch underwater and think "I can swim underneath that" before realising that due to buoyancy, actually no you cant.
I got away with just a badly scraped back and a panic attack once I'd surfaced.
^ That gave me a shivver just reading it.
It does for me too, 17 years after the event.
Get ripped off yr bike by a flat-bed (it was white)
Go swimming off an unfamilar beach to get sucked out of the bay by a rip current (not knowing how to get out of a rip current)
Partner a business with an NPD type
Cycle 260 miles with a 70l rucksack full of camping gear
Trust the NHS to identify a simple subluxated ankle joint in time to avoid 15 yrs of crippling inflammatory arthritis
Trust yr drunken friend to pilot yr wheelchair succesfully up a kerb downhill at running speed
Ride a horse without first checking that yr expert horsey friend ensures the saddle has been sufficiently tightened
Drink so much that you tuck into a plate of chips smothered in Blairs Sudden Death sauce yet are so drunk and hungry that you eat every last morsel through sobs and snot.
Attempt to turn and drop-kick an angry male alpaca when he is chasing you down at full tilt
Experiment with car battery points and screwdriver before you are old enough to know what flying acid is
Make a cup of tea using your mouth as a cup.
abseil off a bridge and refuse to lean till your upside down before you take your feet of the top of the arch.
Booby trap the last slice of pizza in your takeaway by lifting the topping off, smothering with dave's insanity sauce then replacing the topping before leaving it on the side to see who is foolish enough to think five drunk students in the living room service didn't manage to finish their pizza. In of its self hilarious, discovering the burning /shock is enough to set off your epileptic house mate, not so much.
Drunkenly assume that, because you saw it in a film, _you_ can stub a cigarette out on your hand.
Tip: You can, it just bloody hurts. I still have the scar.
I'd also add using petrol to light a bonfire on a hot, humid day. Lots of petrol. The eyebrows grew back thankfully.
Fall asleep in a meeting with Kim Jong Il.
Press your face against the kettle whilst looking at convex reflections (I was young).
Touch the red sand around the barbecue (I wasn't).
Let a puppy off the lead within 2 miles of a football game.
take the wife camping.
or up a munro.
(funny, both incidents happened in glencoe on separate occasions)
lesson learnt now - never ever again.
+1 "stick foot in front wheel to remove a xxxxx from it "
In my case a stuck spokey-dokey.
^ That gave me a shivver just reading it.
+1.
As a kid I once tried to swim under one of those huge inflatable things they have on "activities day" at the sports centre. Unfortunately, I significantly overestimated my swimming prowess and didn't plan on it drifting about.
I "came up for the third time" under it before squirting out from under the side more by luck than good management. Reasonably sure that incident left me with a drowning phobia. Ick ick ick.
I didn't need a near death experience to gain a drowning phobia. Not sure anyone likes drowning.
Anyhoo. A 'friend' once put a match out on the back of my neck whilst waiting at a bus stop. He didn't seem to realise that the bag I had slung over my shoulder contained a hockey stick. Not at first anyway. I know he certainly never did that to me again.
