[Closed] Sexism on STW (a goodbye and some thanks 🙂 )

TJ: half the people you are quoting admit they had never heard the phrase before and have taken on your (in my opinion, rather twisted) interpretation of it.

A female forum member expresses dislike over certain attitudes which are present on the forum, and in particular one oft-used phrase which she finds very offensive.

This.

It doesn't really matter what you mean by the phrase, just as using "****" doesn't necessarily make you a racist. But you can be sure that offence is going to be taken, which is reason enough to stop doing it.

Its acceptable to say ****? chink for chinese?
Posted 2 minutes ago # [u][b]Report-Post[/b][/u]

clubber - Member

Do you deliberately intend to offend by calling people "godbotherer" TJ.

I kind of agree with your point but I think you're on shaky ground...

That shows the point exactly

No - I had no intention to offend at all. I thought that was a jokey way of saying those of religious belief. However people were offended, so clearly it is an offensive word and I apologised for it and won't do it again.

So despite me having no intent to offend its was found to be offensive - ie its not the intent its how its perceived

I, and many others tend to find TJ's holier-than-thou patronising method of failing to get his argument across offensive. Perhaps you should take this on board, TJ?

I find this thread offensive and I'd like you all to stop please.

It's laready been agreed (by most) that the phrase shoudln't be used on here any more it really doesn't matter that it means different things to different people.
...
5 pages of TJ v the world isn't going to make it any mor ebetter and just detracts means the thread descends into bickering losign the point being made by the op.

Agreed.

I'm backing down, disarming and stepping away from the thread.
Please do likewise TJ.

Mods - I'm as keen on free speech as the next person but this thread is now 14 pages long and has descended into an increasingly familiar mix of disproportionate outrage, piss taking and endless pedantry in order for some egocentric posters to score spurious points over their perceived rivals.

Will continuation of this thread really do the forum or STW any good? Please close the thread.

alternatively downshep, just don't open it.

i think there's enough censorship going down as it is.

"its not what you intend that matters - its how its perceived by others"

Is not the same as

so its acceptable to say offensive things if there is no intent to offend?

Thats the Jim Davidson defense

Go and have a read about [i]authorial intent[/i] and [i]reader response theory[/i], then we'll have a chat.

alternatively downshep, just don't open it.

Nope, this is STW, you can't prevent someone from carrying out the constitutional right to be offended!

I thought that was a jokey way of saying [b](insert the 'Jim Davison Defence' phrase of your choice here...)[/b]

Where is the [b]REPORT THREAD[/b] button please?

I, and many others tend to find TJ's holier-than-thou patronising method of failing to get his argument across offensive. Perhaps you should take this on board, TJ

Me too, despite being 'on his side' in various 'debates'.

Yaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwnnnn....... bear with me, just up after a night of razzing round the woods on bikes with good company, heavy drinking and rough consensual sex.. now, where's the ibuprofen?

Elfinsafety - [b]Member[/b] 😉
So please, some honesty, eh?

[b]Ernie - You were/are even worse than Elfin! What you 'think' someone else is implying is not necessarily what YOU'VE decided they mean!! [/b]

[b]Ernie/Emsz - accusing another person of condoning RAPE for simply accepting that in real life certain phrases are more common than you seem to think is well out of order and you two aught to be ashamed of yourselves[/b]

how do you all stand on the word "smash" ?? - you might want to bear in mind, it doesn't actually mean/imply unconsentual any more than "kick" does?

I Haven't bothered reading anything more on this thread after Elfins first post and TBH doubt I will.. there are too many bikes needing ridden, beers to be consumed and things needing smashed.

Holy cow, 14 pages??

Instead of me reading the entire lot, could someone please summarise the main points?

Ta!

Perspective check folks.

You would be rather odd if you did not disagree with some other people's posts/opinions.

To flounce as a result of these reminds me of that couple in Viz, I think they were TV critics?

There is no such thing as Utopia but by and large STW is a good place with good people. If somebody offends you either say your piece or move along.

[img] [/img]

If TJ was president....

clarification needed.

Would you, as a White man, go up to a Black man you don't know and say 'whassup ****', in the way that some Black people may do with each other?

Think about the context of usage, the situation of power, things like that.

I see what you're saying, just I think you've missed something quite important.

Perspective check folks.

You would be rather odd if you did not disagree with some other people's posts/opinions.

To flounce as a result of these reminds me of that couple in Viz, I think they were TV critics?

There is no such thing as Utopia but by and large STW is a good place with good people. If somebody offends you either say your piece or move along.

Hear, hear.

Holy cow, 14 pages??

Instead of me reading the entire lot, could someone please summarise the main points?

Ta!

Someone flounced

But because it was a girl, a few patronising hand-wringers decided she needed defending

Another girl left

Lots of handwring

Some people came and contested the hand wringing

Fred and TJ had another go at being big hitters

Some people got offended

TandemJeremy - Member

That shows the point exactly

No - I had no intention to offend at all. I thought that was a jokey way of saying those of religious belief. However people were offended, so clearly it is an offensive word and I apologised for it and won't do it again.

So despite me having no intent to offend its was found to be offensive - ie its not the intent its how its perceived

I don't believe you. You clearly intended to offend. The use of the word "botherer" clearly means that it is a negative term and that you intended it to be read in that way. You're being very disingenuous.

(tounge-in-cheek doesn't really work very well when written)

so unless you can quote my every post on the deleted thread word for word in context don't even think about spending hours concocting an elaborate twist on what I actually said!

It's not an 'elaborate twist'. It's the truth.

Don't try wriggling out of it. You basically stated that 'it's a men's forum so just accept it and don't get too worked up over it'.

That was the gist of your input. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I'm just saying it how it was. I'm sure all those others you've mentioned will back me up on that.

Fred and TJ had another go at being big hitters

It's amusing that this status isn't something we've decided on ourselves, but one which has bin bestowed upon us by others.

I'm extremely flattered that my comments on here mean so much to so many. 😀

how do you all stand on the word "smash" ?? - you might want to bear in mind, it doesn't actually mean/imply unconsentual any more than "kick" does?

i am going to smash your face in
I am going to kick your head in
I am going to smash your door down
I am going to kick your door in
It suggests I am about to do something to you/your property whether you like it or not and use force to achieve it I am hardly asking for your consent if i say this to you

Would you, as a White man, go up to a Black man you don't know and say 'whassup ****'

Just as an aside, if the answer is [i]"yes"[/i], could you get one of your mates to film the encounter from a safe distance and post the clip up here for us all to see?

Jesus are you lot still going on. Go and ride your bikes, it's lot of fun as you may well will find out.

Clubber - seriously I had no intent to offend. Unthinking and stupid perhpas.
If I intended to offend I would have been much more pejorative. - trust me.

Just spotted you r edit
doh!

i am going to smash your face in
I am going to kick your head in
I am going to smash your door down
I am going to kick your door in

"I went out and got [u]smashed[/u], that club was [u]kicking[/u]"

Instead of me reading the entire lot, could someone please summarise the main points?

A couple of people raised concerns that the chat forum can be a bit 'laddish' and intimidating to the fairer sex. Most of the forum said "oops, sorry about that," an embarrassingly large chunk went "what's up with you love, get back in the kitchen" and then TJ decided to be outraged about something he'd made up and the salient point of the thread went out of the window.

Meanwhile, lots of people took time out of their day to tell us that they weren't interested, which frankly baffles the crap out of me, it's like ringing into a radio debate and going "well Jeremy(*), I don't have an opinion either way."

(*) - Vine, not our one.

Go and ride your bikes

But it's raining!

Cougar - ta 🙂

I'll skip this thread*

*but by posting this, I have added to it...

(*) - Vine, not our one.

Are you entirely sure the two aren't one and the same?

RichPenny - Member

Please make it stop

Also - nice post Orangina, largely ignored unfortunately !

[s]Someone flounced[/s]Someone was fed up with sexism so left.

[s]But because it was a girl, a few patronising hand-wringers decided she needed defending[/s] Others agreed.

[s]Another girl left[/s]Another person was fed up with sexism so left.

[s]Lots of handwring[/s]Lots of people asked for sexism to stop

[s]Some people came and contested the hand wringing[/s]Some people said they were going to carry on being sexist because they have no social skills.

[s]Fred and TJ had another go at being big hitters[/s]Fred and TJ said things the sexists didn't like, because they're true.

Sexists got offended

FTFY.

i am going to smash your face in
I am going to kick your head in
I am going to smash your door down
I am going to kick your door in
It suggests I am about to do something to you/your property whether you like it or not and use force to achieve it I am hardly asking for your consent if i say this to you

Next time my OH looks me in the eye and growls "f--k my brains out," should I bring a hammer?

Offence and language and flounces and handwringing and everything else aside, I really do despair for some of your sex lives out there.

and then TJ decided to be outraged about something he'd made up

I was neither outraged nor did I make it up. Why people find it necessary to invent things about me I don't understand.

with that I will leave the thread

Oh God yes please

Is this an upgrade from "Jesus"?

[i]with that I will leave the thread [/i]

I bet you won't 😉

I really like the use of colourful ephemisms they often make me laugh, is there something wrong with me?

with that I will leave the thread

Flounce?

I was neither outraged nor did I make it up.

I will cheerfully withdraw the first half of my statement. Sorry for the hyperbole.

A couple of people raised concerns that the chat forum can be a bit 'laddish' and intimidating to the fairer sex. Most of the forum said "oops, sorry about that," an embarrassingly large chunk went "what's up with you love, get back in the kitchen" and then TJ decided to be outraged about something he'd made up and the salient point of the thread went out of the window.

Pretty fair summary. 🙂

Flounce?

"No thanks, I've just had one."

Think about the context of usage, the situation of power, things like that.

but it's precisely the issue of context that the bone of contention.

it's being put forward that the phrase is used in the context of it universally meaning rape and women on here are finding it offensive as a result.

my whole point is that it's not about rape, it's just industrial language for anal sex and that most people, male and female are more than comforatble with that (the syntax not the act !!), hence why 40,000 women find it a bit of a giggle.

some people on here have found it offensive and let's be honest, some more people have found it offensive merely because it's offended others rather than because it's offended themselves.

i think some of those people might do well to reflect on the fact that being offended doesn't always make you [i]right[/i]

go in peace.

Why people find it necessary to invent things about me I don't understand.