As much use as a chocolate teapot.
Hotter than a rattlesnakes arse in a wagon rut.
Crazier than a rat in a tin shithouse.
Policy-based evidence making.
My father used to use lightering/nautical terms like:
'... is a bit broad in the beam.'
'They're load has shifted'
'Fore and aft' (walk with your feet straight)
'walking with a list
watch points
and always 'bending' a knot
"Yorkshire screwdriver"
Sweating like a Conservative in a laptop repair shop.
Built more for comfort than speed.
Sharp as a marble
Thicker than a docker's sandwich
Thick as mince
I'd call you two-faced, but if you were you'd use the other one
Procrastination is the thief of time
Necessity is the mother of invention
I'm not as green as cabbage-looking - one of my Gran's faves, along with [do something right away]..."or there'll be wigs on the green".
you know what thought did? it followed a shit cart and thought it was a wedding...
Hotter than a fox in a forest fire
Rough as a badgers arse
and for non animal referenced balance
XXcking XXck
Face like a kicked in pisspot
Sweating like a glass blowers arse crack
Fellas got more feet than teeth
possibly a Jeremy Kyle reference?
Just some of many I’ve stumbled across over the years
I was on it like a tramp on a kipper.
On it like a tramp on chips
I think his parents were related.
Better looking at it than looking for it (often used at work because our stores ordering system is not exactly JIT)
There's no fixing fairies in there (something is clearly broken but someone wants to try it again to see if it magically works)
Zip up your man suit princess.
Face like a smashed crab
'Round the Wrekin
Two cheeks of the same arsehole
You got more chance of burning your arse on a snowball.
Drink coffee, do stupid things faster with more energy.
More chance of nailing s**t to the ceiling
Face like a welders bench
During my apprenticeship I worked with a rather odd plantfitter who often quoted rather odd and unique phrases.
I wish I were dead
I wish I were fed up
Sorry I`ve a pan on = Im busy
He/She is As thick as the floor
youv’e got more chance,of been bitten by a daffodil
Sweating like a priest in a playground
I'm hotter than a firefly's back pocket.
It's hotter than the surface of the sun.
Wetter than an otter's pocket?
"He's got a face like a slate hangers nail bag"
On a piece of red tagged equipment - "broken inside"
"deep water storage"
Couldn’t organise a w@nk in a brothel
Face like a melted wellie
Face like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle
Suck it up princess
Have a can of man the .... Up
Hotter than a rattlesnakes arse in a wagon rut.
Also gets used here a lot.
To my mind the origin of this was Jez Avery in an MBUK video? There was a great article in the ST magazine about him a while back.
All your/their [excrement] in one sock
Usually used in the negative ...
Incapable of getting all their [excrement] in one sock
A blind man on galloping horse could see that.
"It's no way to run a railroad"
Well **** my old boots
Surprise, annoyance a great multi use phrase
I did like - You've more chance of licking the Queen.
It'll have to be King now, dunno if it has same ring to it..
