Lower than a snakes belly.
couldn’t find your arse with both hands. i don’t use it, but it makes me laugh.
I’m not as green as i’m cabbage looking.
and one my 5 year old has started using, “oh, my!”
You can't educate pork
What'll it be?
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.
Slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through treacle
"You weren't made at Pilkington's"
As in, stop blocking the TV.
Lightning slow.
Thick as pork poo.
Thick as mince
Heard this is a film recently and it made me laugh out loud. It takes a lot to me do that.
"I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you."
Just ace.
Fancy a pint?
Slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through treacle
Pratchett I think?
Reminded me of a few more
You make a better door than a window
Ah we'll give the village call and let them know we've found their idiot
Too clumsy to be trusted with a safety razor
S/He's got a face like someone set fire to it and put it out with an axe
If I told you how much I needed this drink, I wouldn't have time to drink it
"Just off to splash me boots". Used when taking a visit to the gents.
If we are getting to toilet tactics...
'dropping the kids off at the bath'
You can't polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter.
"To lose one <minister> is a misfortune. To lose two sixty looks like carelessness the end of the government"
"With all due respect."
Used in the context of Microsoft windows 97
No such thing. 😁
“Just off to splash me boots”. Used when taking a visit to the gents.
There must be a hundred of these. It's known amongst my friends as "going for a Belgium" because it's a small Euronation....
Ta da me duck. I love to hear old folk say this instead of goodbye. It makes me smile every time.
Shit happens, get over it.
Peter Cook, referring to Jeremy Thorpe, 'a self-confessed player of the pink oboe.'
Just do it!
When really needing a pee "ma back teeth are floating"
As an ex said to me "under that deep exterior you're really shallow"
He's/She's got a face for radio.
“Just going to turn my bike round” - alternative to dropping the kids off at the pool
How are you?
Fair to middling.
If we are getting to toilet tactics…
Away to see an old friend of to sea.
And from the Bob Mortimer book.
Better an empty house than an unruly tennant.
Albert Steptoe,'just because a prune is wrinkled doesn't mean it isn't sweet.'
Full of hidden shallows.
That's the badger
Even better if it relates to an actual badger!
"I'd rather shit in my hands and clap" than do whats being suggested.
The phrase " like a wiches tit " . Have heard it used to describe something as askew, cold, dry, and useless. Not heard a definitive use of the phrase as yet.
As attractive as a cold cup of sick.
And my neighbours grandfather used to describe his unwanted kittens as "off to join the navy in the morning", when in actual fact he was drowning them in a bucket, the ****.
" got a smile like a fence fire" about someone with beown stumpy teeth.
Cycling along in a group single file past a young couple (or anyone)
Orrate!
Eh up
How do?
Naa then
Going for a Belgium
Surely a reference to
Wetter than an otter's pocket
Fancy a pint?
Yes please!
As much use as a fart in a thunderstorm, when referring to someone completely useless.
The shitting in hands and clapping, and crayons one gets rolled out at work quite a bit.
Edit: Off for a Johnny Cash aka going for a slash. Or dropping the kids off at the pool when going for a crap.
Cycling along in a group single file past a young couple (or anyone)
Orrate!
Eh up
How do?
Naa then
We once did this when out for a walk in the countryside. Visiting friends, in Devon. Got some confused looks.
To describe a fight; ‘he was throwing them about like empty tracksuits’
When complimenting a friend on achieving something tricky
'not as daft as he looks!'
Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
^^^
Think I might nick that for my email footer! 🙂
You’re a bigger arse than 10 bums
Better looking at it than looking for it
When trying to negotiate a lower price on an expensive digital printer the sales guy’s response of “I’ve pulled my pants down as far as I can” had me in stitches 🤣
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap
“Me pilot light’s oot more than yee” recently had me howling in response to one of the lads who never comes out!
The wind cannot read.
Now then. (as a greeting)
Expressions of wrath, ‘glesga-style’:
“You’ll be feeling the back of my hand across your face, boyyyyy”.
“You’ll be laughing on the other side of your face, boyyyyy”.
