One of the things I have found most infuriating since moving to Britain 15 years ago is how willing some people are to stick their noses into others' business. It is definitely NOT something I grew up seeing around me, and it is not something I have seen or experienced in other places that I have lived or spent time in.
I remember as a kid in Canada, there was a tree in front of my parish church that a friend and I used to climb every week. For years, while the adults milled about inside after the service, we would go outside, climb up as high as we could, and just talk. One fine May Sunday, though, there was a visitor from England, and he decided to take it upon himself to tell us off for climbing the tree 'at a time of year when we could damage the bark', and that 'we should be ashamed of ourselves'.
In any case, on more than one occasion, my kids (we're talking between the ages of 2 and 6) have been told off by random strangers in the local park either for running on the path, or picking up some of the daffodils that they have found lying on the ground. Seriously.
The best was when I was crossing a pavement on my bike to get home quickly, as I had just found out my dad was dying, and some older person shouted at me: 'What are you doing, riding on the pavement?!?' Bear in mind that I said crossing a pavement; not riding on a pavement.
Indeed, if I was to think about further examples, this would end up being the longest post ever.
But finally, yesterday, I was riding home from work without a helmet. (Now, I ride every single day, rain or shine, and almost always wear a helmet; yesterday, however, I ran out of my house in the morning, having forgotten it because it wasn't where I normally keep it.) In any case, there was a man riding in front of me very slowly and 'prim-ly' whom I passed before settling in to a medium pace along the rest of the mixed-use path. Toward the end, he passes me and says, 'You know what I would suggest? I would suggest a helmet.' Then he rides off.
WTF?!? I mean WTAF?!? Who the hell is this man? How does he know what kind of day I have had? Or if I have some kind of personal reason for not wearing a helmet? Or whatever? FFS! We're not talking about people committing crimes here who need to be stopped; we're talking about people - me and my family in particular - just doing what people do, and getting lectured or badgered about it by strangers.
Why can't people just live and let live? Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their moccasins and all that...
Something I have never really noticed. Maybe it's you who attracts these weirdos. 😀
Although, myself, I told a kid on a bike to stop crossing the road the other day cos there was a car coming. His mates had gone, but as I said it the lights on the crossing changed, so he could go immediately. Wonder if he thought I shoulda minded my own business?
Toward the end, he passes me and says, ‘You know what I would suggest? I would suggest a helmet.’ Then he rides off.
Are you annoyed that he was giving you such sage advice(*) or that he dropped you?
(*) Not sage advice.
I would have just caught up with him and kicked off a helmet debate. They are always good fun.
Could I advise using the traditional English response?
‘You know what I would suggest? I would suggest keeping your nose out.’
This bloke? Did he look a bit like Charles Bronson?
Who the hell is this man?
It was TJ
Gammons.
Not worth getting upset about.
This bloke? Did he look a bit like Charles Bronson?
Alas, more like Mike Tindall, that royal with the broken nose.
Could I advise using the traditional English response?`
I never, ever have the presence of mind to say the right thing at the right time. I could only muster a sarcastic, 'Thanks for the sermon', followed by very cowardly and quiet 'A**h***'.
Do you know what I suggest? Better rants.
Minimal CAPS, few swears, grammar correct.
2/10
Do you know what I suggest?
There's always a busy-body about with advice eh?
followed by very cowardly and quiet ‘Ah’
Ftfy. Bloody foreigners coming over here not learning to speak the language properly and making invidious comparisons with wherever they come from.
Could I advise using the traditional Scottish response?
"Bolt, ya rocket! Get tae ****"
<div class="bbp-reply-author">perchypanther
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<div class="bbp-reply-content">Could I advise using the traditional Scottish response?
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Isn't that "ram it"?
My wife's got an unsolicited advice box that comes in handy (and will come in handy plenty more when we have a kiddo in a few weeks!). Advice goes straight in the box.
If you think it's valuable you can come back to it; otherwise, not.
Could I advise using the traditional Scottish response?
I thought that was a headbutt, the irony being that the other fella was wearing a helmet 🙂
Regional variations may apply.
I went with the weegie version.
My wife’s got an unsolicited advice box that comes in handy (and will come in handy plenty more when we have a kiddo in a few weeks!).
You can have this one for nothin'......
Stay up the dry end.
My wife’s got an unsolicited advice box
May I suggest growing taller? At 6'4" with a shaved head, I seldom seem to get "helpful bits of advice" from random punters.
Stay up the dry end.
In similar situations I find a cheery 'thanks mate' and then carrying on with whatever you were doing works a treat. You've not been aggressive or even impolite but they clearly know that you couldn't give a toss about them or their opinion. It's the British way.
Racist!
I’m with perchypanther.
not literally, as i live in fife, but I would respond in exactly the same manner.
In similar situations I find a cheery ‘thanks mate’ and then carrying on with whatever you were doing works a treat. You’ve not been aggressive or even impolite but they clearly know that you couldn’t give a toss about them or their opinion. It’s the British way.
Very much this. Kill them with kindness almost. Winds them up a treat. Bonus points for a follow up question on how you can further improve
You should move to Sweden. Here no one says anything to anyone. Crash on your bike split your chin open and lie on the road looking like you need help, the swedish mentally is "oh this is embarrasing for me" and they just ignore it. fail to signal when driving " i am impeding on someone else's journey, I best stay anonomous".
I'd rather England in that sense anyday!
I did wind my window down on a rainy Nov commute home and suggest to a chav dressed in black with his hoodie up and no lights that he should get some lights unless he wanted to become a statistic. his response was **** off. in hindsight he probably didn't know what statitic meant and assumed it was a swear word.
no helping some people
It’s definitely a British cultural “ting”. Obviously you can tell by the type of newspapers that major in gossiping, such as the Whailing Daily and Sun/Mirror.
I grew up in Florida, very culturally different outlook, and did find settling into a such a minimal outlook quite difficult.
Its hard not to take “busybodies” serious becuse in the main thier views are offering “protective” advice, yet what I’ve found it’s the manner of the communication that grates.
I see DT78 met Saxonrider but didn't recognise him.
Why can’t people just live and let live?
Why can't you do the same?
Isn't it equally 'British' to be passively aggressively outraged by the trivial opinions of others?
Try re-framing it. Those who deem it necessary to comment or offer un-wanted advice may have some unfulfilled need. Perhaps they've spent 30 years married to a tyrant, or haven't quite achieved every expectation of their aspiring middle class parents. They're riddled with self loathing.
In short. Smile in amusement, check ego, move on.
What's a statitic?
And yet you passed comment of our attitude to our national anthem...
I'd rather have the UK...you should be able to challenge something which which you feel is not acceptable.
Then again a driver parked next to me at the re-cycling depot did ask me if I'd like a thump for asking him to turn off his engine....it had been running for 1/4 hour!
I'm a fit alpha male, OAP....5'4" cyclist 😉
And yet you passed comment of our attitude to our national anthem…
Huh?
@howsyourdad1: that's an interesting comparison. Thanks for that.
"Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins and all that…"
Haven't you just judged several people? 🙂
“Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins and all that…”
....because then, you'll be a mile away and you'll have their moccasins.
Can say whatever you like with impunity then.
you okay hun ?
Who the hell is this man?
Ronnie Pickering?
What’s a statitic?
A Canadian I think.
Haven’t you just judged several people?
Not getting this. How is describing the behaviour of some people, whose words and actions have had a direct impact on others, judging?
I strongly believe that a person should feel free to comment of the state of the world; debate with colleagues; try to describe situations they see around them; can believe that all bike riders everywhere should wear helmets at all times... I just don't think it's very helpful or nice behaviour to comment on the non-harmful activities of another person to his/her face, when s/he is only going about his/her life.
Hypothetical scenario:
You're suffering depression, and this has been exacerbated by some terrible news you have just been made aware of by a phone call. In an effort to feel better, you go out for a walk with your baby daughter in her pram, mulling over your feelings while taking comfort in the quiet pleasure of being out with your beloved child.
Suddenly, your longed-for solace is broken by some cranky sod walking her bichon frise, who tells you in a not-very-nice tone that you should have put a hat on your baby and covered her better. No greeting. Nothing. Just that.
How would that make you feel if you were that person out with your daughter?
Not read the replies, only the original post.
I think you are being a bit sensitive, but yeah, no reason why these people can't mind their own business. Either ignore them or tell them to jeff off, depending on the scenario. I don't really see this as a British thing. Accept there are plenty of dicks about, wherever you go, and you are bound to run into them every so often.
It’s definitely a British cultural “ting”.
Should be an instant ban unless you are Jamaican (how's that for minding your own business)
Two ways of putting it
WHAT was so wrong with Canada that you left?
SECONDLY you can always piss off back if you don't like it.
I'd rather live in a cohesive society where people look out for each other than one that consists of a collection of individuals.