I agree with the comments that you need to be clear why you would want to find out for sure. There are a few of ways it could go:
you are her father - she wants you in her life. If she does are you ready for that? how will you cope with/approach it?
You are her father - she wants nothing to do with you. Do you force yourself into her life or live with the pain that actually she doesn't give a toss about you? Do you have other children that would know about her - what if they want to get in touch with her and she doesn't want that? How do your other children/family cope with it. How would her siblings react to her having a different dad?
You are not her father - but have made it known that mum slept about a bit when she was younger. Not very nice for someone of 18 to get their head around.
There are loads of different things that could happen, but before you start pushing one way or the other you just need to be clear on your motivation. Someone will get hurt at some point in this I suspect, everything comes out eventually and I've seen it happen a few times actually.
Condoms are the future I tell you! Or keep it in your pants kids... 8) 8)
Having read some of your other recent posts, Supertramp, I suspect this might be for [b]your[/b] benefit, not hers. Perhaps it's better to step back, and just wait 😕
Stay away and let her contact you. She already has a dad. I don't know you, so its hard to be correct and if the following comments are way off the mark then I appologise. You let another man raise your daughter for 18 years, at his expense, and now you want to get close to her? Don't you think thats a tiny bit opportunistic?
Now I understand that this may have been to play along with the mothers lies to conseal any infidelities, in which case I think you can ask her to get involved with the daughter. But as for rights, well the other bloke (parental dad as opposed to spunk donor) and the daughter are the ones whose considerations should come first.
I understand from the OP that the mother and 'husband' kept things hidden, but you did know she got pregnant and had a child. You've then managed to work out 18 years later it could be yours. Was it convenient 18 years ago not to be pops? I am just trying to understand the motivation. I can see why you might want to know now, but why didn't you want to know then?
I think it has some bearing and the types of responses you are getting the discussion here are all possible from 18 year old when/if they find out.
I have been away for a few days and I am glad to see that so many of you have taken the time to contribute - thanks.
It's a complicated situation - obviously - but here is my mot recent motivation. I will keep this brief to avoid to much exposure for all concerned so forgive me if it seem sketchy.
My ex has admitted to mentioning this to my son when he became friends with the girl in question at school as she long suspected this. Only recently I found out that he knew this might be possible and so did my daughter. So my ex has been spreading this around to who? and for how long? my main concern is that the young woman concerned will find this out in a very brutal way. Or that she already knows and is already confused?
On the face of it living this 'lie' for all these years seems heartless, but is it any more heartless than having a child adopted or being a sperm donor?
I am going to let it lie for the time being but is this just the cowards option?
