Oh and:
What does a one-legged man wear on the beach?
Flip-flips.
Did you hear about the pig that drew a picture of himself?
It was a self-pork-trait!
Scots bloke goes to New York to help with the Hurricane Sandy clean up effort.
American guy asks him "Where are you from?"
Scotsman "Glasgow"
American "What states that in?"
Scotsman "Pretty much the same as here"
Bloke goes into the Doctor's and says
"Doctor, I'd like you to have a look at my penis."
So she puts on a pair of rubber gloves and gives him a thorough examination. After a couple of minutes she stands up and says, "Well, I can't see anything wrong with it.""I know" He replies, "it's f*cking magnificent isn't it."
A day in the life of Hora?
Guy walks into a bar and asks for 20 shots of the most expensive whiskey. As soon as the barman pours each shot, the guys necks it down until all 20 have been consumed. 'Blimey' says the barman 'thirsty?' to which our man responds with 'well you'd be drinking this fast if you had what I have'
'Oh my, if you dont mind me asking, what do you have?'
'39p'
Phah..
I've no sense of humour but some of those made me LOL
Guy walks into the bedroom, where his wife is lying in bed, with a sheep under his arm and says "This is the pig I sH@g with when you're not around" His wife says "I think you'll find that's a sheep". The guy says "I think you you'll find I was talking to the sheep"
Scots bloke goes to New York to help with the Hurricane Sandy clean up effort.American guy asks him "Where are you from?"
Scotsman "Glasgow"
American "What states that in?"
Scotsman "Pretty much the same as here"
I remember seeing an interview outtake on 'It'll be alright on the night' with a slightly punch drunk bare knuckle fighter. He's just won a elimination bout so he's had been fighting and winning back to back matches all day
Interviewer "What kind of state are you in after 20 back to back fights?"
Boxer "errrrrm. Idaho?"