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What's yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
How do you get an elephant down out of a cherry tree?
Stand it on a leaf and wait for Autumn.
How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
You nose touches the ceiling.
How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you get two elephants in a Mini?
One in the front, one in the back.
(How do you get two whales in a Mini?
Down the M6 to Liverpool and turn right.)
How do you know when two elephants are coming to your house?
A Mini stops outside and two elephants get out.
Why was the mushroom so popular at parties?
Because he was a fungi.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the sheep cross the road?
It was following the chicken
What do you call two rows of cabbages? A dual cabbageway.
What do you call a lady with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen.
What do you call a lady on top of a house? Ruth.
What do get from a nervous cow?
Milkshake.
2 goldfish in a bowl, one says to the other 'how d'you drive this thing'?
Why did the apple kiss the banana?
Because it had a-peal.
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish.
I'll get my coat
Good work everyone -
The carrott/parrott one was 'stupid' apparently - although it made me laugh.
The elephant ones will run and run...
Cheers,
C.
They generally do. Elephants, that is. Only if you scare 'em, though.
Surely it's 2 fish in a tank? Or is that the surreal version?
Two teddies in an airing cupboard, which one is in the Army?
.
.
.
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The one on the tank!
Current favourite in our house:
"Daddy, do you know me?"
"Yes, or course I know you"
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?
" I thought you said you knew me?"
It was funny the first three million times......
And of course.....
"My dog's got no nose."
"How does he smell?"
"TERRIBLE!!"
Well it gets me every time......
knock knock
who's there
ieep
ieep who
urghhh you don't do you
"toab"
2 goldfish in a (bowl)tank, one says to the other 'how d'you drive this thing'?
doctor doctor the invisible man is here
tell him I cant see him
doctor doctor have you got anything for wind
yes a kite
What do you call a man with a hotel on his head?
Norman Tebbit
Dad - Bad news son, your mum's left us. She went out for a pint of milk and she never came back.
Son - Whaaaaa! How will we cope?
Dad - It's OK, we can use that powdered stuff.
What do you call an egyptian taxi driver?
Tootancomeoot
how do you know if there is an elephant in bed with you?
He has a big E on is pyjamas
How do you know if you've passed an elephant?
the toilet won't flush properly
and my sons fave at the moment
What's invisible and smells of bananas?
monkey guff!
what's a pirate's favourite cheese
cheddaaarrgghhh!!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Pile up
(hilarity ensues)
What do you call a donkey with three legs and only one eye?
A winkey wonkey..