We've been through it and are very fortunate to have our son as a result, after 1 round followed by a 2nd frozen transfer round.
Nothing prepared me or my wife for the process and how 'hard' it was. From the never ending appointments, to over stimulation and my wife getting to a seriously ill state during the whole process.
Stick with it. Hopefully the hard work will result in a positive outcome for you.
My wife found the whole journey so poorly supported, that she quit her job and now works to create better patient experiences for those going through IVF.
She creates a lot of content, speaks on behalf of patients to the big medical companies, works with clinics to improve things for patients and has created various support groups and a book to help patients.
Her book is at https://positivityplanners.com/ and her support group is on Facebook as "TTC Support UK" and is a really positive community for those trying to conceive.
On the cycling front, the doctor told me to ride. He said there's some evidence to say being in the saddle lots (and he stressed lots) may have a negative impact, but it was outweighed by the health benefits of being fit by riding.
Good luck on your journey!
We did IVF and it didn’t work for us, took some time out and eventually adopted.
It’s exhausting and very much a rollercoaster - but we tried everything together and although it didn’t go to plan- there is a great & happy life on the other side.
Two things:
Be honest and completely commit to your choices is the thing that got us through it.
Find something to stay sane and centered - your wife/partner is experiencing 10x the challenge.
Quick update for everyone on our situation.
We have completed nearly all of the 2 weeks of stimulating injections, and OH had a scan today. It’s very much on the cusp of what the NHS will agree to do for us - they need to be able to harvest 3 x eggs in order for continued funded treatment to be viable.
As it stands OH has 2 x follicles which are mature, with only a couple of days before they start to over-mature. There is one more follicle which is really far behind the other two and will produce an egg, but not one that is mature enough to fertilise successfully before the other 2 follicles kick the can. And of course, not all follicles are guaranteed to produce an egg at all.
we have been scheduled for egg collection on Monday, as it’s kind of the only chance before the procedure needs to be called off really. If they only get 2 x eggs, then that’s it, no more funded treatment if the fertilisation / implantation doesn’t work.
To say that it is squeaky bum time is an understatement. Nothing to say it won’t work first time with just a couple of eggs, but our chances have slimmed down quite considerably.
Fingers crossed for you.
Does low egg retrieval on first cycle even mean a high chance of a poor harvest in later cycles? I hope this guideline is properly evidenced.
@martinhutch thank you very much.
I don’t know to be honest. I am assuming it does mean that, at least for viability in NHS’s criteria. So many people on waiting list etc…they must have some fertility “KPIs” so to speak to give everyone a fair chance, so I get it, but at the same time it makes the whole thing a bit nerve wracking
I have a daughter 9 and son 5 through ivf with donor. The process is hard, not just the physical strain and distress but the mental side as well.
Best advice would be, be kind to yourselves, try your hardest to not build up your hopes. I strongly advise discussing the process and how it makes you feel with someone. I had a really weird moment where (I think due to donor) I had a proper wobble where I felt my wife had cheated on me!
I also dipped into online forums for dads going through the same, there was sensible conversations there that helped.
Be how you want to be about it, there’s no rules. I was open as I felt no shame and was surprised how many people also had trouble conceiving and had used ivf. The hardest bit has been how quickly my daughter has aged and choosing the time for full disclosure of how she came into the world.
I don’t know to be honest. I am assuming it does mean that, at least for viability in NHS’s criteria. So many people on waiting list etc…they must have some fertility “KPIs” so to speak to give everyone a fair chance, so I get it, but at the same time it makes the whole thing a bit nerve wracking.
The question is whether a single cycle with a low egg count should be sufficient evidence by itself of likely poor outcome in future cycles, or whether age and ovarian reserve testing should also be taken into consideration.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that though - good luck!
We did 4 rounds without success. All privately. One miscarriage was as far as we got.
My advice, don't stop doing things like going for the occasional bike ride except maybe a week out from egg collection etc. I think it's an unnecessary stressor. Obviously stop drinking and eating rubbish if you do that.
Don't be afraid to tell the clinic if they're changing things you thought went well in previous rounds.
This one is very important. Be very, very careful about who you share the fact that you're going through this with both during and after. Even way after. Can't emphasize this enough. Tell your missus that aswell.
GOOD LUCK 🙏
Another member of the club here. 4 rounds, 1 "free" (but we still had to pay for the injections, so ~$10k) and 3 private. ICSI didn't work, and the final round was really a balls to the wall "if this doesn't work we're done". It's expensive, emotionally draining and hard work; and even if you go private it can feel that the professionals aren't necessarily hugely sympathetic. And as a lot of people have said, it's something We Don't Talk About, which makes it even tougher and more lonely.
All I can say is good luck, and try to keep calm through it all. And from personal experience, if you can separate out the "OMG this is our only chance!!" emotional anxiety from it, it may help a little to survive it all - but it's tough to do so.
Good luck! It's a rough process, particularly for her and the emotional toll can be heavy if it doesn't work.
We went through multiple rounds with no joy and had a tough time with it. Eventually went back for a "last chance" option and took a much more philosophical approach of "If this works, that would be great. But our life is pretty awesome right now as well, so if it doesn't work the outcome is also great. It's a win-win." Might seem odd, but it did seem to help psychologically. My wife did also get quite a lot out of counselling.
I can hear the 18-month old bundle of trouble waking up downstairs right now.....
finbar - is egg donation an option? I found the idea of adoption difficult to process as well if I'm honest.
Ach. Had egg collection early this morning and only one egg retrieved. After this cycle, there’s no more funded treatment available to us. Bugger.
However, all you need is one egg and I’m sure they’ll be able to find one workable swimmer from my sample, so hopefully they can at least fertilise and we will get one shot at it. We will find out tomorrow. Hope is still alive even though the odds are very much not in our favour.
Fingers crossed for you.
Last update on this - at least for while.
Unfortunately our only little egg didn't make it - so that is the end of our NHS funded treatment. Yesterday was a really hard and strange time going between utter despair and a kind of "oh well" feeling. It is gonna take a while to come to terms with this.
We can afford a round or two of private treatment, which we may go for. However with such a low egg reserve for my OH's age, we are going to take some time to consider it carefully. Don't want to rush into anything and just focus on supporting each other for now.
For now, we are going to try and have a few weeks "off" and just live our lives, maybe head up to my Mum's in the NW Highlands. I went out on my road bike last night and it really helped, so nice to feel that feeling again even after just a few weeks.
Thanks for everyone's input on this over the last few weeks. It has really helped, and the less-positive stories really did help to prepare myself for this. Mountain bikers are awesome.
So sorry to hear this. If you haven't done this, definitely worth getting a couple of other medical opinions about the way forward and confirming that any treatment/monitoring regimen is the appropriate one. I remember getting a variety of suggested approaches from different clinics, although this was a couple of decades ago, and success rates varied very widely across the centres offering private/nhs IVF.
Sorry it hasn't worked out yet, but please bear in mind that you can still try naturally – it can and does happen – I know of two couples personally that conceived naturally, one after having twins on IVF, the other after trying and failing at IVF.
Little update several months down the line!
We went in for a self-funded round at the beginning of this year after several months off and quietly planning / getting over the disappointment of our 1 free go.
Everything went considerably better, and the embryo was transferred last Wednesday. Tomorrow, there is a blood test to see if my OH has progressed from "Pregnant until proven otherwise" to "Actually pregnant"! Nerves through the absolute roof man. They told us not to do a home test and so far have taken their advice.
We only managed to get 1 embryo so none to freeze unfortunately, and it was not *quite* at the ideal stage - but the doctors were pretty confident that our chances shouldn't be affected by that. All or nothing tomorrow...ride or die!
Little update several months down the line!
We went in for a self-funded round at the beginning of this year after several months off and quietly planning / getting over the disappointment of our 1 free go.
Everything went considerably better, and the embryo was transferred last Wednesday. Tomorrow, there is a blood test to see if my OH has progressed from "Pregnant until proven otherwise" to "Actually pregnant"! Nerves through the absolute roof man. They told us not to do a home test and so far have taken their advice.
We only managed to get 1 embryo so none to freeze unfortunately, and it was not *quite* at the ideal stage - but the doctors were pretty confident that our chances shouldn't be affected by that. All or nothing tomorrow...ride or die!
Good luck - I hope it all works out for you both.
Everything crossed for you.
Hope all works out 🙂
Hope all works out
Best of luck.
Hey, congrats. We're due to give it a go soon so been watching with interest.
Good luck . Fingers crossed for you
Unfortunately no dice this time. It's nowhere near as sad and confusing as the first time, though it is still devastating as we got so much further. I think we have one round left in us...at least that will emulate the 3 x free cycles we should have got if the parameters were met on the first one.
I'm just very grateful that we are in a position where we can afford to do one more. I really really hope it works, but if not then we will adapt to something else. We've talked about it a lot and decided egg donation and adoption is probably not for us as regard to current thinking - we've used up quite a lot of emotional and physical reserve on this.
WE GO AGAIN! (after a month or two of distraction; booked a weekend away at the end of the month to have a nice time doing banned things such as hot tubs and drinking whisky).
@joefm - Good luck mate if you do; any questions about it send them my way.
I know nothing about IVF or kids but i want comment on the mental health aspects. I picked this up from another STWer but the more you talk about the mental health aspects the more it removes the stigma and the more it encourages others to talk.
Now everyone is different and it may be too hard for you to say much and there is also a danger of making it your only topic of conversation. I have crossed that line at times. However I am sure that being open about my struggles has helped me hugely and suprisingly helped others as well.
So dont be afraid to talk about it but don't feel you have to if it makes you too uncomfortable.
Ime talking about my struggles has been overall a positive.
Somehow OP I missed this thread first time around - obviously I was going through a phase of not spending my working day on the forum! 😉
Really sorry to hear it didn't work for you guys this time out, and I know how tough it can be. We had 4 rounds of IVF, starting with a 'free' one (procedures paid for but not the hormones etc); and the last go really was a last throw of the dice. It wasn't so much the money or even the pincushion part, but the emotional rollercoaster aspect, and the way the hormones really accentuated it for the OH.
The last time round I think we had 3 viable blastocysts (frozen), and ended up going really long on the 'pre-insertion' phase, as the lining measurements just weren't good enough. We knew we didn't have it in us to do it all again, so the OH carried on with the hormone injections, was off the booze, trying to be unstressed; and I think even tried more fringe things like castor oil wraps or somesuch. Eventually the lining hit a borderline good enough measurement and we did the insertion, but from what I remember, we weren't confident of it all.
But one embryo stuck, the pregnancy/ delivery wasn't without issue, but our daughter was born and is now thriving. Fingers crossed for you both; it can come good.
@nicko74 - Haha, yes I am a bad one for skiving at work.
Thank you for your kind words, great to read it worked for you. It certainly is an absolute headf*** to go through, especially so for my OH so a lot of my time is spent making sure she is OK - this round has had less of a massive impact on her which is good. I think because she knows that all is not lost after our frankly disastrous first go.
It's just a shame that we couldn't have had such results first time, then we would get it funded - but alas them's the breaks; and we are privileged enough to be able to afford one more without worrying about money if it does work (or making us not only sad but broke and sad if it doesn't).
It's just kind of heart-breaking because I have always wanted to be a father, but even moreso for my OH; it honestly feels like she was put on this very earth to be a mother. I hate seeing her think her dream is slipping away.
It's just kind of heart-breaking because I have always wanted to be a father, but even moreso for my OH; it honestly feels like she was put on this very earth to be a mother. I hate seeing her think her dream is slipping away.
See my post on page 1, MrsRNP was exactly the same in that her place on this planet was to be a mother. Her whole life in so many ways lead to a point that then disappeared with no possibility of IVF. She saw a really good therapist as it's grieving for something that hasn't happened rather than an immediate loss - it wasn't easy but she/we made it through.
Fast forward 10ish years and that love that would have gone to our children goes out to the community instead - she runs a community kitchen and feeds FOC ~80+ people/families a week, the rest of the time she does a job that doesn't pay a huge amount but that she absolutely loves. We don't need the money as we don't have children and accordingly cleared the mortgage early.
I put my love into our beloved dog Bert (who is a regular on here) and tinker with old worn out cars for fun.
We are really strong as a couple and I love our home life. Ask us now if we'd choose a different magic wand life and the answer would be no.
Fingers crossed it works for you but if it doesn't then consider counselling and embrace a different path in life.
@RustyNissanPrairie - Thank you for that, very wise words.
It's absolutely something we are discussing, the chance of it not working, and we are considerably more confident we will be ok. Just keeping it on the back burner though for now.
There's a lot of implied pressure in the community to do something "big" with your life in place of having kids if it's a no-go, which is also hard to navigate. Your outcome seems lovely in that regard. I don't really see us selling up and travelling the world forever, more just re-focusing.
I am sure we would find meaning elsewhere but we are also very happy in our life as-is, just missing one main thing. We are really strong together but have been getting counselling on the subject.